At a loss

I write this as im at a very difficult stage in my life with a broken down relationship.
I have been dating this guy for a year. Everything was great at the beginning even though i knew of his bad past. He had been to jail and done some pretty aweful things.
I dont judge anyone on their past,just the present.
He seemed very caring,kind living and affectionate.
We decide to move in together after 5 months..
He also got a new job in that time.
It was a bit hard at the beginning but i thought it was us just settling in.
It got worse, he became emotionally and verbally abusive.
I didnt see it coming. I tried to ignore it and just be happy with him.
More fighting,more heart break in the months to follow..
There was a period where i was crying every night.
Thinking about his past and the way he treated his past girlfriends made me question him and the facade he put on for me.
He would come.apologize and appear to be so remorseful and then the next day he would be back to his normal self where he would turn around and say i was the problem.
There were many turning signs for me when his own brother,best friend and his mum said i was better off and that i deseve to be happy.
I was between a rock and a hard place.. i really loved this guy but he made me feel like it was all me.
The fights became worse to the point i moved out for a week. He would say sorry beg me to come back and i was stupod enough to believe him.
He broke down telling me that i deserve better and he treated me like garbage. He cant live without me..etc.
So i go and try again... being hurt even more than before. My fault really.
He simply does not care about anyone but himself. I felt like a cleaner and a cook for him.
One my first day of my new job,i was so happy. That night he had a go at me for no reason. Made me cry and just got into me. Believe me when i say people can manipulate the stories to make them selves seem better. In this case i genuinely didnt stir him up. When we fight i stand up for me self and call him out. Each time he just tells me im the problem.
So now here i am. He abused me for the last time yesterday..
He got into a motorbike accident,i rush to make sure hes ok (i moved out coz the fighting and the abuse was aweful) the house was a mess. I wanted to look after him,cook clean what ever it is. So when i saw him asked him if he was ok and that i was going to get rubbish bags coz the place was a ing tip.. he lashed out,humilated me infront of his brother,told me to off and that i things up,things arent working etc.. and i was standing there ready to take care of him.. i left. That was the last straw. I dont look for sympathy here. Deep down i know hes not a good person. He is destructive and abusive.
But the hardest part is me disconnecting from it all.
I really loved and cared for this guy and i have never been treated so badly.
I put a lot of pressure on myself;im 28 should be married etc.
He makes me feel like a failure. He can walk away after hes destroyed everything and find another girl with out a care in the world about what he did to me..
How do i get out of this horrible feeling
I cant believe someone can be so horrible..