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Sun 15 May, 2016 11:32 am
We've been together 9yrs. Since last 4-5yrs sex was low on list of things to do. Could go months with any sex related activity. There's still lots of love and fighting and making up, but no sex. I crave it. I replace it with porn and I lost interest in him to satisfy me sexually. After so many years I am thinking about sleeping with other guys (probably pay for it). I still love my husband but sometimes I get really hurt inside thinking what more can I do. I've tried some things to spice up the moment but he's not interested nearly all the time. But I know we love each other. What should I do? He knows I feel hurt but I guess he smiles and cuddles me and all is okay again... In 4yrs I can count the number of times we had sex, on one hand. Maybe two hands. I want to love him and I want to have sex once a month with other guys. Can that work? Should I tell him?
@QwertyQ,
I think if you love someone, you need to be able to talk to them.
I would also suggest physical workups for both you. Why both? So he doesn't feel he's being singled out. This is not necessarily a physical issue with him, but that should still be eliminated as a cause. And if it is something physical and curable, then hooray.
I do hope the two of you can at least talk about that.
If you are looking for permission (or encouragement) to cheat on your husband, then, sorry, I can't give it to you.
Four years and no sex? That's unacceptable, unless there are real circumstances that you haven't explained. What happened?. When did this happen (after a death, health issue, etc?)
Unless your husband agrees to an open marriage, then, no, you should not have an affair.
A complete physical is in order for him. Then counseling for both of you.
You say that closeness and intimacy are still there. Then work to make it a full relationship, where the needs of both people are met.
@jespah,
Thanks for your msg. Sometimes I tell him I'm going to screw around but he knows I'm not serious. In those years. We joke we argue we have good social times. Feel like buddies. I like the physical workshop idea. It will be more of a counseling session where I live. I just think he lost interest in sex. He would maturbate once in long whiles. Why he doesn't ask me to help him, could mean he's not intimate with me anymore.
@PUNKEY,
Thanks PUNKEY for your msg. I think he has a low (no) sex drive now. Our first few years together was ok. He was happy to have sex after a few squeals from me. Then I guess his work got hectic and it slowed. We lived apart for for 7 months as we moved to another country. Before that we registered our marriage. Thereafter slow became nothing over last few years. I will consider at least counseling. And this open marriage thing (with rules) may be an option. I just realised he did have some family issues about they discovering he was gay and seeing me. And there is huge tension in his family still on new stuff.
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