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Premarital Sex

 
 
Reply Thu 5 May, 2016 08:52 am
Is premarital sex okay?
 
jespah
 
  7  
Reply Thu 5 May, 2016 09:09 am
Okay, I'll be the first to say it - if it's only okay, you're not doing it right.

All right, here's a serious answer.
  • Are you both of age?
  • Are you both willing?
  • Are you both free of commitments to other people?
  • Are you taking birth control-style precautions and/or are you committed and dedicated enough to raise a child, either as a couple or not, but with love and care for that child regardless of how you end up feeling about each other, if that birth control fails or you forget to take it or don't take it properly and a pregnancy results anyway, despite your best efforts?
  • Are you protecting yourself and your partner from sexually-transmitted diseases?
  • Do you at least like each other and are kind to each other?

Then go and have fun, if you can answer all of these questions in the affirmative. Notice how I wrote nothing about faith, family, or love as a couple? It's great when you're in love, but I don't think love is absolutely necessary for sex. I do think kindness is, however. Don't be nasty to someone who is vulnerable, and don't let yourself become vulnerable to someone who isn't at least pleasant to you.

In this area, as in all others, don't be a jerk.

Now go have fun, whether in the sack or not.
CoastalRat
 
  3  
Reply Thu 5 May, 2016 01:19 pm
@aeckwielen007,
While Jespah gave you a very good answer while avoiding issues of faith, I will add the faith component just in case you asked the question from concerns relating to faith.

Full disclosure - I am a christian and believe pretty strongly in my faith.

So, from my perspective, any sexual intimacy outside of marriage is not okay. If you want to be accurate, I believe it is sin. It is outside God's plan for His creation. I don't intend to go into why I believe God intended sex to be only between a married man and woman, at least not in this thread right now, since that is not needed to answer your question in the simplest manner. But I believe relationships are healthier and stronger (for the most part) when a couple waits to have sex until they are married.

But, it is a decision each person must make for themselves. If you do not consider faith in God to be a big deal and you have considered Jespah's points, then it is okay if you decide it is okay.

One other point would concern your age. I really do not believe most teenagers are capable of making the informed decision of when to begin having sex. I believe that unless a teenager is old enough to sit down with his/her parents and discuss it, then that teen is not old enough to have sex. Just my personal belief.

Hope you make the smart choice and correct choice for you. (If this question was asked from the perspective of you contemplating sex for the first time.)
Cinderellie74
 
  2  
Reply Thu 5 May, 2016 03:36 pm
Well there is a lot that goes into premarital sex... There have been several great comments on here already. Does it go against your faith? Are you religious? Are you both of age and consenting? Do you love each other?

I believe that especially for your first time it should be special and with someone you love. There will never be another first time and that, at least to me, is the most important experience. Your first sexual encounter will define the rest of your sexual life. At least that is what happened to me.

I wish you luck. Don't rush it will happen when the time is right and with the person who is right.
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Thu 5 May, 2016 03:47 pm
@Cinderellie74,
Quote:
Your first sexual encounter will define the rest of your sexual life. At least that is what happened to me.


How old are you Cinerellie? I would be very surprised if anyone over the age of 22 would say such a thing. It would be fantastically sad if that were true.... your first sexual encounter will likely be awkward and short.
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Thu 5 May, 2016 04:03 pm
@aeckwielen007,
Ignore your faith (if you have one). Humans have been having sex long before any modern religion was created.

Sex is an important part of what it means to be human. We evolved with a specific anatomy for sex, with nerve centers in our sexual organs that are wired directly into the pleasure centers of our brain.

Restricting sex to marriage might make sense in primitive societies where people are bound to small communities. In these societies people got married when they were 13 or 14 years old and were expected to start producing babies (important for the economy of these societies) pretty soon.

In our modern society there is no need for teenagers to have babies. In fact it is frowned upon since we have colleges and value education for women. We now have the luxury of being able to have sex for pleasure while intentionally preventing pregnancy. Most Americans agree that it is best to wait to get married or to have children and the average age of marriage is 28.

Sex is fun. It is meaningful in an intimate relationship... and most people find they can have several meaningful intimate relationships in a lifetime. Some people have found that even casual sex, done consensually is enjoyable. Other people have found that sex inside of intimate relationships is more meaningful. Other than people who were made to feel guilty by outdated religious rules, I don't know of anyone who has regretted having premarital sex.

The religious rules about sex and marriage may have made sense in earlier time. But in these modern times, they are obsolete.

Ignore them and enjoy sex for what it is... part of what it means to be human.

ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Thu 5 May, 2016 04:14 pm
@maxdancona,
Hey, I will argue with you, and enjoy it.

I was signed up to be a postulant at seventeen, but my very catholic parents set me up on traveling with my father and crew - just when I had signed up and was about to buy the shoes. The nuns told me I had a vocation..

When I came back from that trip, fond of the film editor but he was not in anyway icky, I decided I didn't want to be a nun. I was a very late bloomer.

The first fellow a few years after was wonderful. It was like a happy brain zone knowing him, not just our sexual happiness, but our conversations about all and sundry - except for the bad stuff - that he left me because I was catholic (his mother's influence but of course his decision). Silly, since I was well passing out of that at the time. His decision turned out to be right, and he is married for a long time to the right woman.

I had a wonderful start, however belated. In some ways, he affected my whole life, for the good.


0 Replies
 
bobsal u1553115
 
  3  
Reply Sat 7 May, 2016 06:37 am
@aeckwielen007,
It can be OK, but if done right can be totally awesome. Keep at it!
0 Replies
 
Cinderellie74
 
  1  
Reply Tue 10 May, 2016 10:23 am
@maxdancona,
Ok I admit it I am old.. but not so old I don't remember my first sexual encounter. It took a toll on my future experiences. Now that isn't the case for everyone but this was my experience.

It can be awkward, sort, uncomfortable and jut plain underwhelming. Sex has so much hype about being awesome from the first time on and in general the first time just isn't that great. That is why it should be with someone that you have a connection with. This way you have a foundation and emotions vested in the first time.
0 Replies
 
aeckwielen007
 
  0  
Reply Thu 12 May, 2016 08:45 am
@jespah,
From a stand point of having sex with someone, wouldn't you want to wait for the right person? When you have sex with someone there is a physical and psychological connection with that person. Why would you want to sacrifice that with someone you wouldn't marry?
aeckwielen007
 
  0  
Reply Thu 12 May, 2016 08:46 am
@CoastalRat,
I completely agree, from a religious stand point premarital sex is completely wrong. Even from a non-biblical standpoint there can be ways that it i wrong too.
0 Replies
 
aeckwielen007
 
  0  
Reply Thu 12 May, 2016 08:57 am
@maxdancona,
Why would religious views on premarital sex be obsolete? Just because the majority of the population of the world has admitted to having sex before marriage does not mean that religious views of this topic are wrong?
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Thu 12 May, 2016 09:59 am
@aeckwielen007,
You have some interesting (odd, to me) ideas.

Why do you think there is only one right person to have sex with?

There isn't necessarily any emotional/psychological connection to a person you have sex with. You can have fabulous, memorable sex with people you have no emotional connection to.

Sex is a glorious, wonderful healthy thing. Putting it off til you meet one particular person? not even my grandparents (born in the 1880's ) would have put up with that
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  5  
Reply Thu 12 May, 2016 10:01 am
@jespah,
jespah wrote:
Now go have fun, whether in the sack or not.


40 years ago, that was the main message from my mother when I left for university. she said that if you can't laugh with the person you're having sex with, there's no point
bobsal u1553115
 
  1  
Reply Fri 13 May, 2016 08:24 am
@ehBeth,
Quote:
she said that if you can't laugh with the person you're having sex with, there's no point


Wise mother!
0 Replies
 
Leadfoot
 
  1  
Reply Fri 13 May, 2016 08:45 am
@aeckwielen007,
Quote:
Why would religious views on premarital sex be obsolete? Just because the majority of the population of the world has admitted to having sex before marriage does not mean that religious views of this topic are wrong?

I think the religious views are wrong, but for very different reasons than the usual.

Sex with someone you are not married to is called either fornication or adultery and both mean the same thing. It is not the physical act itself that is wrong but the approach that most take. They 'adulterate' what the act should represent.

I will leave it to you to determine what it should represent. But if the act does not adulterate that, then it is just fine and wonderful.
0 Replies
 
kumaramit
 
  0  
Reply Fri 26 Aug, 2016 07:57 am
@aeckwielen007,
If both are agree to do that and both are matured and committed to marry .
Enjoy guys ....
0 Replies
 
kumaramit
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Sep, 2016 05:07 am
@aeckwielen007,
Premarital sex is okay if you both are agree to do that and both of you are matured and commitment free . And the most important thing is that to use safety first .
0 Replies
 
 

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