I hit my boyfriend after he grabbed me. How do we work it out???

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 9 months and we've been going through a lot of trouble for a long while now. It started with little fights and now they have escalated. He has some anger problems and has trouble trusting me. He has never hit me. However, when I try to leave he keeps me from doing so. In a fight I will say I want to leave and if I try he will grab me to keep me from going. He really is sweet and I love him. After all that has happened I don't think I can trust him completely either. Currently we aren't dating but we are around each other a lot and are "working things through". Anyways most of our issues have been because of his trust and anger problems and insecurity problems. He thinks I look at other guys and is paranoid about the fact that I might masturbate. Also, he has recurring dreams that I cheat on him or leave him for someone else. I don't give off the vibe of cheating on someone AT ALL. I'm very very trustworthy and have never given him a reason to think otherwise.

I'll get to the point. One day I was sitting and we were fighting and he said he wanted to go somewhere else to talk and I said I didn't want to. After arguing for several minutes about the fact that I wasn't going anywhere with him he got hysterical to the point where he mentioned going so crazy because of me he wanted to kill himself(he has tried to kill himself before while we were in the relationship). Then he pinch my leg twice really really hard and the next day I had bruises(they were small but still there).

Afterward he pulled me into somewhere where people couldnt see and grabbed me and wouldnt let me leave and I slapped him. Not hard at all. It wasn't right to hit him but he basically didn't say anything about it because he had hurt me earlier.

We were broken up for a few weeks after that because I told him I couldn't be with someone who did that to me and left bruises on my leg. He has never been violent before. But due to school we are constantly around each other so we had the chance to talk and I always forgive no matter what and have never been one to hold grudges because it's like I physically can't. So we got back together and I forgave him for the whole incident as long as it didn't happen again.

We've still had nasty fights since then but no violence. He still never let me leave an argument and claimed he didn't feel loved or cared about when I tried to leave. I always thought when the argument go too heated the two people should cool down and come back and finish the conversation after but he never agreed with that.

I didn't mention this but he agreed his anger/trust/insecurity problem get in the way of the relationship and is a huge problem that isn't my fault. But it keeps becoming my fault it seems one way or another.

About a week ago, we were in the hallway and we were talking and I wanted to go to class and told him that but he kept grabbing me and not letting me walk. He wouldn't let me go to class. And when I would push through him he would push me into a locker bay where no people were. This happened before school and before first period. Before first period he pushed me into a locker bay and told me he was trying to help me but I said he wasn't help and that I wanted to go to class and not stay there and that he couldn't force me to stay because you just can't do that. He didn't listened and when I tried to walk past again he grabbed me and wouldn't let me pass. My left had winded up and hit him across the face really really hard. His glasses fell off. He looked at me with surprise and hurt and said "I'm telling the office on you".

I felt awful, completely and utterly crappy. I knew I shouldn't have done that and I love him so much and you shouldn't hit people you love. But then I thought how was I suppose to get him to stop grabbing me and the situation was confusing. I kept telling him to stop but he wouldn't. He went to the office and told the secretary(a family friend) who would keep the situation quiet. She told him to tell the principal and get me expelled for physical violence in school. He talked to the counselor and the counselor said it was not his fault at all. When he told this to me I felt sick. I knew it was wrong but it's like he didn't realize grabbing me was wrong. He said he explained it to the counselor exactly as it had happened and that's what he said.

How the relationship is now that we've talked and says what I did emotionally scarred him and that I gave him a reason not to trust me(although he never trusted me in the first place). And he says we have to see how it goes to see if the relationship will work out anymore. He doesn't know if he can be with me anymore. Which I find completely fair. But if the relationship continues he needs to realize that you can't yell and grab me.

So am I completly wrong? What the counselor right? and do you think the relationship is doomed? We do have very deep talks about fixing the relationship and he agreed he should see someone about his anger. (I don't think he would ever hit me, but he did leave bruises so would he?) A lot of things have happened but I know we love each other and we have fun together and we are good friends and are very comfortable around each other. We are both honest, trustworthy people who have big hearts. I just don't understand how this relationship went so downhill.