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My wife doesn't want/need sex

 
 
windyx
 
Reply Sun 1 May, 2016 03:01 am
Hi,
First - sorry for my English, it's not my mother language, but I hope you'll understand my words Smile
I've been married for 7 years, we've got a child (5 yo). My wife is attractive and healthy, but is not interested in sex. Not at all. Two-three years ago we did it once a week. With time it was less and less. Now it's once in three-four months. She said she is not interested. What's more, she said I could find another women to do it, she doesn't care... Is it possible she still loves me, but just doesn't want sex? I feel bad with it. I'm 40 yo, it's not easy to find sb else, I don't want to go to a prostitute (affraid of). But I really want to have sex. Is my wife just an egoiste?
I want to add that I'm handsom and never had such a problem with my ex girlfriends...
 
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Sun 1 May, 2016 05:52 am
@windyx,
Are you a part of the care of your child, and your home? Maybe your wife's just tired.
0 Replies
 
mariatome
 
  0  
Reply Sun 1 May, 2016 08:11 am
@windyx,
i dont know
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  7  
Reply Sun 1 May, 2016 10:06 am
My wife is attractive and healthy, but is not interested in sex.


How do you know she is healthy? When is the last time she went to the Dr for a checkup?

Is she depressed? Does she work outside of the home?

Then - how about you?
Are you clean? Teeth brushed? Are you healthy?

Do you take her out to restaurant? Do you buy her flowers. Are you kind and gentle, or rude and demanding?

Was there something that happened in your marriage around the time she lost interest? Death? miscarriage? move?

There are many reasons why a woman can lose interest in sex in the marriage. You must find out why.
0 Replies
 
Cinderellie74
 
  3  
Reply Mon 2 May, 2016 02:43 pm
@windyx,
I think PUNKEY makes some really great points. I am 42 and went through a stage not that long ago where I didn't want sex. I love my husband more than anything but I didn't feel attractive and my self esteem was low. It wasn't anything my husband did it was something I was going through. I was also having some health issues which I still struggle with. Try talking to her. Be open and honest with her about how you feel and ask her how she feels. Maybe try taking over some of the household chores and your little one. Give her a spa day/day off. Make her feel special, loved and attractive. Good luck.
0 Replies
 
Fil Albuquerque
 
  -2  
Reply Mon 2 May, 2016 05:21 pm
@windyx,
Get out NOW and giver a pair of skates...why do you even have to ask ???
0 Replies
 
fiance9494
 
  3  
Reply Thu 2 Feb, 2017 04:08 pm
@windyx,
Greetings,

I got news, my friend, this happened to my fiancée and me when we had a kid, but luckily resolved when I helped her with, pretty much, all house chores. However, much later we went into a similar downward spiral only this time the culprit was work. I'm currently trying to revive our passion from when we first met, and it's hard. We're only in our early thirties (we met at 18) and our sex life is average, but our relationship is strong, albeit the lack of communication and loss of interest in sex. However, this is not about me but you.

It concerns me to hear that your wife doesn't care if you get sex elsewhere for three reasons:
(1) Either she doesn't feel sexually attracted to you anymore;
(2) Or is too tired to have sex or lost libido (sometimes it's due to illness);
(3) I will not mention the third because I suspect your wife loves you.

However, personally, just like me, I suspect your couple to suffer from lack of some "alone time," which some member on this site reminded me. If you two can get some time off together and rediscover your love then kudos to you (it's not the case for me), and this could help bring fire back and passion into your relationship.

I hope your couple works out because you have a long history together and I surely hope mine does as well. I love my wife, and so does she, but sometimes the fire burns low, and it is up to each partner to work together to relight it back into a blaze.
0 Replies
 
maxdancona
 
  -1  
Reply Thu 2 Feb, 2017 05:33 pm
@windyx,
No one is responsible for how their spouse feels.

These responses are always based on the idea that it is a man's responsibility to make a woman happy. If the genders were reversed, and it was a woman whose husband didn't want sex. I highly doubt that you would hear anyone asked if the problem was the woman's hygiene or inability to do housework.

The obvious solution is for you to go out and have sex with other people. Your wife is OK with this, so why not?

Of course, if your wife needs help with depression or anything else, you should help. But she is an adult. She is responsible for her own decisions and her own mental health.

Do your best to have the marriage you want, or start the process of separating.

But in either case, go out and find someone to have sex with. You have every right to take care of yourself. There is no reason not to.
Iouman
 
  0  
Reply Thu 16 Feb, 2017 02:09 pm
@maxdancona,
How are people responsible for their own mental health, if they have a mental health issue that impairs their judgement or ability to function?
maxdancona
 
  0  
Reply Thu 16 Feb, 2017 03:10 pm
@Iouman,
The main point I am making on this thread is the is inherent sexism. in the responses.

If a man has a wife who doesn't want to have sex... the assumption is that the man is doing something wrong. The suggestions are that he needs to be more attentive, do more housework or do whatever it takes to make his wife happy.

If a woman has a husband who doesn't want to have sex... the assumption is still that it is the man that is doing something wrong. In this case the suggestions would likely be that she needs to demand affection, that she deserves to be treated better, and that he might be cheating on her.

My belief is that a husband is just as responsible for all parts of a wife's wellbeing as a woman is responsible for her husband's. I suspect that different marriages offer different amounts of support. If you and your wife agree that you are responsible for each other's mental and emotional stability, than so be it. In my ideal of a healthy marriage, both people involved start from a healthy place with resources and social supports of their own. But that is just me.

I am only saying that it should be equal.
izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Sun 19 Feb, 2017 04:52 am
@maxdancona,
Not everything is about you and your marriage break up. People can have marital difficulties entirely unrelated to your own. I don't think you're capable of being remotely objective on this issue.
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Sun 19 Feb, 2017 09:27 am
@izzythepush,
Not everything is about you and your marriage break up Izzy. You leave my dear ex-wife out of this, and I will leave yours.

I think leaving the personal lives of posters for personal attacks should be off limits, don't you?
0 Replies
 
 

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