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Wed 27 Apr, 2016 04:50 pm
I am 13, and I've been wondering lately if I may be asexual.
Ever since I first learned about sex at 10 (sheltered child, I know!), it makes me uncomfortable and grosses me out. At this point in my life, I can only ever imagine myself as a virgin, and I normally tend to stay with my goals and predictions for the future (at least for most things so far).
I've really only had one crush, but it's honestly more of a friendship. I still have the same "crush" since I was maybe 11, but I realize now that if I think of anything beyond hugs and stuff, I get uncomfortable. But then again, I tend to be uncomfortable with touch if I'm less than REALLY good friends with someone. Like if someone accidentally brushes against me or bumps into me, or I do to them, that area of contact almost burns and it's all I can think about for the next 5-10 minutes, with thoughts like "do they think I'm creepy?" surging through my head. Weird I know, and sorry if that doesn't relate at all!
I also don't see myself in a relationship in my future. No high school lovey-dovey junk, no 20-something relationship, no marriage, kids, or anything. But I'm still young, that may change.
As far as puberty and development, I'm fairly average I guess for girls my age.
This may not relate at all, but just in case it does, I also have a weird desire to remove my (pretty much miniscule) breasts and cut my hair super short. More for convenience and comfort though. Sorry if that's weird or tmi...
I realize I may be young, and it's ok if you guys don't think I am asexual or I'm still too young to know. Please feel free to ask questions to better answer the question. Thanks in advance to anyone and everyone who answers!
@marmalade,
You are definitely too young to know (conclusively) whether you are asexual or not. Some people develop sexual interest well after 13.
Hi marmalade
Kids today, even much younger than you, are being pressured into playing the role of a sexualized person. It's done through their dress, a lot of peer pressure and the media, among other things.
There's no need at 13 to decide, or even much think about how you feel sexually in the future.
There are a lot more important and interesting things to wonder about right now.
You may never end up feeling the need for a sexual relationship and that's fine. Or, you may end up wanting one, and that's equally valid.
I would encourage you to avoid putting any labels on yourself. You can be open to whatever life brings, and changes that come throughout your entire life, which will be quite a long time. At 13, you are just now barely starting to peep past childhood. You've got all the time in the world.
One thing I will say, is that when somone older than you are, let's say in their 20's, says they are asexual, I would encourage them to see a doctor. Not because there's anything wrong or objectionable about being asexual, but because it would be a good idea to have all your hormones checked out. By the time you're in your let's say mid 20's, lack of sexual desire might be because of an imbalance of hormones.
So, to answer your question, it's possible you may end up being asexual, and it's possible you may not. Don't worry about it.
@marmalade,
Yes. You're actually an amoeba. Incidentally, 13 years is an exceptionally long lifespan for an amoeba. You're probably suffering from age-related dementia and memory loss, which explains why you're posting here at A2K.
"But I'm still young, that may change. "
Hang on to that thought.
Try to interact as much as possible with others. "Bumping into another person" is a learning act.
You are going through important stages, here, and so try to not overthink, just experience.
Are you an only child, per chance?
@PUNKEY,
Thank you all so much for your input! I appreciate it, and I agree that I don't want to put a label on myself if I'm still unsure if it fits or not. I definitely don't want to rush myself in growing up either, so I appreciate you guys saying to just enjoy my childhood. PUNKEY, funny you should mention it, because I actually am an only child! I guess maybe that affects my ability to compare myself to family members close to my age, and possibly leaves me less exposed to other kids my age as well. Is that what you meant by that?
@marmalade,
Yes.
That' why I said, get as much experience with others as you can.
You're just not used to being "bumped" - that's all
@marmalade,
Quote:Ever since I first learned about sex at 10 (sheltered child, I know!), it makes me uncomfortable and grosses me out.
Pretty funny marmalade. Times change.
I was only 6 when I had my first 'crush'. I didn't find out about sex until 14. (THAT'S slow).
The two events are unrelated. Some people never learn that.
@Leadfoot,
I found out about sex by reading Owen Wister's The Virginian at age thirteen, one of my uncle's books. It's a western, and no, there was no sex scene, just a mild and prim description of her sitting on his lap. No one but me would claim that as a sexy book.
I asked a friend at about eighteen what **** meant, and she wouldn't tell me.
Now that is slow.
I learned happily sometime later.
Marmalade, your feelings may vary off and on. As others say, don't go worrying about it.
@puzzledperson,
Hahahaha! Was actually expecting a response like that. Yes, I can confirm that I am an elderly amoeba!
@Leadfoot,
By that, I meant one day my friends told me "where babies came from" in 5th grade. All of them were surprised I didn't know already since most of the kids I know learned by about age 8! I remember we were learning about plant reproduction in 4th grade and I didn't get why everyone was laughing since I literally knew NOTHING. They all still think I'm rather innocent since I don't know too much more than that...well, in my defense, I'm an only child with not many close cousins to tell me this stuff!
@marmalade,
Don't sweat it marmalade, there is no proper age to learn about sex. Plenty of time to find out who you are sexually and no there's no rush to find out.
@Leadfoot,
Hahaha, thanks! I would honestly rather be innocent than know all about that stuff. I seem a little happier in life than my friends so far not knowing as much as them. I know that I'll discover myself more and more these next few years and I shouldn't worry about anything.
@marmalade,
Excellent attitude to take!
I remember overhearing other kids talk/joke about sex and it made me feel vaguely shitty even though it was mostly a mystery to me. It's much better to develop your own ideas about love and sex that you feel positive about, even if it takes a lot longer.
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