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Is it considered betrayal if you don't invite your best friend along

 
 
Reply Sat 23 Apr, 2016 10:16 pm
I have a friend who is driving from pittsburgh to georgia to see me and I have been friends with him for quite a while. He wants to take a trip with me to atlanta on one of those days that he is here to see the coca cola factory but he doesn't want me to bring my best friend steven along. I was ok with the plan at first until my counselor told me that what I am doing is betraying steven by doing this. She claims that I will cause tension with steven by doing this. I am now frustrated and I don't know what to do. What should I do ? Is it really betrayal if I don't invite steven to come along ? Please help me.
 
chai2
 
  4  
Reply Sat 23 Apr, 2016 10:25 pm
@jacob9858,
Betrayal is a very strong word.

Personally, I don't see the problem. If I were Steven and you told me you wanted some one on one time with someone you don't see often, I'd say "Have a great time."

In any event, you haven't even asked Steven, don't make problems where there aren't any.

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PUNKEY
 
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Reply Sun 24 Apr, 2016 07:23 am
Don't feel guilty about wanting some alone time with your friend from the past.

What is the "hold" that Steven has over you? Why would your counselor use the word "betray" to describe this situation?
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Leadfoot
 
  1  
Reply Sun 24 Apr, 2016 07:38 am
@jacob9858,
It would only be a problem if you had already invited Steven along.

It is normal for your other friend to want some alone with you. The dynamics of conversation are changed a lot with a third person, even if all present are good friends.
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life forever
 
  1  
Reply Sun 24 Apr, 2016 07:45 am
@jacob9858,
well no its not because its just spending time with someone else for alittle you havent seen him for a while so now u are just tell steven that when u get back all three of you can hook up after ur back ok so he wont get tension or anything
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Real Music
 
  1  
Reply Sun 24 Apr, 2016 10:46 am
@jacob9858,
An old friend from your past who wants one on one time with you is perfectly fine. In fact it would be inconsiderate on your part if you were to (IMPOSE) a third person on what supposed to be one on one time. Over your lifetime you may accumulate different friends from different moments in your life. Many of these people don't know one another. Why would they? They are your friends, not each others friends.

If your visiting friends is okay with you bringing along someone else, that would be fine.
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snood
 
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Reply Sun 24 Apr, 2016 02:40 pm
What the heck kind of counselor is giving you the advice that you would be "betraying" your best friend? Really doesn't seem like very sound counsel, to me.
chai2
 
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Reply Sun 24 Apr, 2016 03:50 pm
@snood,
I know. That was the first thing I thought.

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vikorr
 
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Reply Sun 24 Apr, 2016 04:30 pm
@snood,
Well 'betrayal' depends on whether or not we have the full story from our OP. Perhaps he's in a relationship with his best friend, and the other one was a previous.

After all, I can't see 99.9% of people ever describing the situation as given, as betrayal.
jacob9858
 
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Reply Sun 24 Apr, 2016 04:51 pm
@vikorr,
No no i am not in a relationship with my best friend, i am not gay i am straight. My other friend is just a friend who lives far away and is going to be visiting me in july.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 24 Apr, 2016 05:05 pm
I agree with all the replying posters and I worry about who your counselor is, as the counselors advice is quite strange. I'd be beyond irritated and switch counselors, if you still could benefit from counseling. Not (to me and others) this counselor.

Though, I'm not clear on this - is this a psychologist type counselor or an academic counselor? Or a religious counselor?
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vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Sun 24 Apr, 2016 05:19 pm
@jacob9858,
That's fine - it was just someone that needed to be cleared up, because, as the 99.99% I posted suggests - it is incredibly unusual that anyone, let alone a counsellor, would use such terminology.

The plain fact here, is no one can see why your counsellor would paint this as a betrayal.

That said - as I know from experience just how easily things can get lost in translation - why don't you tell your counsellor that what she told you, left you very confused, and ask your counsellor to explain to you why she said that?

If she's any good, she will explain what she meant - that's part of what they do - help clear up misunderstandings, and help people to clear things up in their own minds.
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