Reply
Fri 22 Apr, 2016 01:17 pm
I'm 23 & my boyfriend is 24. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost four months now. We have had our fair share of stupid arguments over small stuff, but we have gotten through them. Recently however, I went through my boyfriends phone and found out that he was verbally cheating on me which I guess some would call it emotional cheating. In the messages they sent pictures back and forth to each other, nothing sexual but it's still the point that they were doing it. They were calling each other Hun, boo, and telling each other how they looked physically based on them sending pics like calling one another sexy, or handsome or cute. And my boyfriend was asking her inappropriate questions like he was wondering if she had a big butt, and saying things like they could possibly meet up for lunch. And he said something like he could use a massage and saying it would be nice to get a massage from her...just stuff you shouldn't be saying while your in a committed relationship with someone. So when I finally confronted him about it, of course in typical guy fashion, they don't know what you're talking about, and then they go into denial like it didn't mean anything or that it was nothing, then they flip the script like why were you even in my phone and then once he saw that either way he was still in the wrong the he started sayin his reason for doing it was because we were arguing at the time and he wasn't thinking...mind you, these texts messages started March 4, and ended April 17. So it's not like it was just one time. Who's to say that they would not have continued had I not caught him. I just can't get over it because it's still so fresh. I've done nothing but been there for him, especially when his dad passed away last month. And it's like that's the thanks I get. Now he just keeps saying how truly sorry he is and he really didn't mean it and she means nothing to him and how he loves me and wants only me and he knows it was wrong and blah blah. Idk. I really love and care about him and I've been through this before with an ex except my ex was sexting other girls. Do I feel like my boyfriend is truly sorry, yes, but maybe because he only got caught because like I said, had I not gone through his phone, I would have never known about it. He keeps begging me not to leave him and do I want to leave? No, but I refuse to be someone's fool. Now granted by boyfriend is always spending time with me when he can and taking me out to eat and stuff and ever since we started dating he always made it very clear that I was what he wanted but I'm like he constantly tell me you want me but do everything else under the sun to lose me.mi don't get it. And I'm going away for the summer to go back to work in my home town and idk how were supposed to get through this summer. Anyways, any thoughts?
@Nicole20166,
Nicole, it's a bit wordy but to gain more response ought to be presented in paras (organized in some logical fashion), preferably indented w/carriage returns between
The first should summarize
@dalehileman,
That's a stupid reply, dalehilman. If you cannot give advice based on not understanding the topic, then just don't reply at all.
@Nicole20166,
Hi Nicole,
it looks like you have trust issues stemming a) from a previous relationship and b) due to the short time you're together. It's natural to have some reservations early into a relationship, but usually the first 6 months are always bliss and the partners are so much into each other, there shouldn't be any
room for another person in the equation.
Sure he got caught and he's remorseful now, but really - you've been dating for several months only and he already felt the need to hook up with another person? Regardless, if it's via phone/internet or whatever means, this would be a major red flag for me.
If you want to build a future with a person you have to build a solid foundation first and if that foundation is on shaky grounds, the house will collapse sooner or later - it's just a matter of time.
This relationship doesn't sound like it has a good foundation. He hasn't been in love with you as much as you hoped and his need for the excitemnt for sexting and attention is more than what he feels for you.
24 year old guys are not ready for exclusive relationships, imho.
If you want maturity then look for a college grad over age 26.
@Nicole20166,
Nicole20166 wrote: Recently however, I went through my boyfriends phone
1. you don't trust him
the moment you considered looking at his phone you should have ended things.
You've only been dating the guy a couple of months. CJane is right - you should still be in the giddy/lusty phase, not checking phones and/or texting flirty stuff with other people.
Get out before things get worse (not that there's really a worse place than two people who don't trust each other).
I've a question - did you two agree to not date all others? Did you assume that because you had sex that this was it forevermore? Did you actually talk?
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace