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Thu 21 Apr, 2016 08:18 am
Im a guy, i had a best friend, a girl, and she had me and one other guy as her best friends, it never occurred for me to get to know this guy, I was happy with small circle of ppl I knew, now this other guy had feelings for her and proposed my bestie, but she never told me about the proposal, and I came to know about it through another girl, that too after 3 months, and when I heard this, that's when I fell into a deep depression, cause then I realised I had feelings for her too, and also that she had never told me about her proposal, to which she said yes,.. I was filled with anger towards her and sadness, given the fact that she considered me as her best friend , and having not told me, when I asked her why she never said to me she told that I at that time was dealing with problems and that she didn't wanted to make me sad, so obviously she thinks that if she had told me about her proposal I would feel sad, meaning I wouldn't approve it, I guess, but then it took 3 months for her to agree when I asked her directly, even then she didn't tell me. Now I feel very sad that I had lost a trust I had kept in her and eventually one good friend which I had, plus I have anger on her for not telling me..but what's the use.. Now she wants me to talk to her normally like I used to before, but I can't, to overcome a rejection that too from a good friend of mine and the feeling of disappointment makes me unable to see her the way I did before, but ivr said her that it is possible for me but it will take time to come over from whatever dirt ive gotten myself into, but she disagrees and want me to change instantly now that we are all gonna part ways ,college is gonna get over within a few weeks. I do not hold any kind of grudge on that other guy, he was a good friend to know, to hang out too, we hanged out alot, still he also never told me, even after knowing that I was her best friend other than himself, now all I feel is loneliness, one of my greatest friend has gone and I'm back at level zero. Please help me.
@Rohan12,
Maybe I am missing something here. What kind of a proposal did your friend make to this girl? A marriage proposal? Or did he just start dating her?
In either case, if she is such a good friend of yours, why are you not happy for her if being with this other guy is what she wants? You had every opportunity to make a proposal also, but you never did. That is the way life goes sometimes. You snooze, you lose.
And so what if she didn't tell you right away. If it was just that she was dating the guy, she was under no obligation to tell you about it. Maybe she didn't say anything because she was hoping you would step up and ask her out. Who knows.
Either get over this and continue to be her friend or not. It is up to you. But understand, you are just as much to blame as anyone else for the situation you find yourself in.
@CoastalRat,
I do understand that there is a mistake on my side too, the thing about u snooze u loose is so true, ..and the proposal is marriage only, but the only thing is that I feel disappointed is cause she didn't tell me when the other guy proposed her, now I do know that she hasn't any obligation to tell me that, but she was so much of a best friend to me, she would share any kind of thing with me, if she had seen me as just a friend, why conceal something like this, in fact she should have asked me for advice, that is me being her bestie, then it would have made me feel less depressed than now,.. I think what u said is true, she might have been afraid that what if I went and proposed.. Still she is my bestie, could have pleasantly told me no.. But all this had to happen like this..
@Rohan12,
Rohan12 wrote: the proposal is marriage
she has made a choice to make her future with another man
she is NOT your best friend. she is a friend.
you appear to be somewhere in her group of friends, but not her best friend either. she has other people she talks to about the big decisions in her life.
If you can't accept your place in her life, gradually distance yourself and work on meeting someone else.
Hopefully you've learned something about friendship and relationships by the way this has played out.
@ehBeth,
This is the answer that was making rounds in my head for a while , beautifully put, and I keep reminding myself that she doesn't love me, nor is she a best friend, but why does she want me to talk with her the way I used to? She keeps telling me that I'm her best friend and that there is difference between me and the other guy, she says that both of us are special to her in different ways, now this is where I keep getting confused, is she trying to make me feel good after all that had happened.. I really love to believe in your latest reply, to the one I'm replying now, but she keeps telling she can't take it anymore the fact that I'm depressed and wants me back as her bestie.. But why?.. The only reply I gave her is that "if we both are so much of best friends, like u said, then I need time to overcome this situation because I can't stand to see u both together ,for now, hence if our friendship is true ,it will win the test of time".. This is the decision I took, but to live with it, or to not talk to her or to not see her the way b4 I used to hurts me, I tried, but I guess I'm weak at respawning quickly,.. Now I feel that I've lost a good friend,..
@Rohan12,
I would suggest that you don't talk to her too much about feelings and emotions.
Keep conversation on a light, casual level and gradually work your way out of the relationship. There can still be a casual friendship if you want.
Change the topic to movies, weather, politics, art, books, anything else if she tries to guilt you about your friendship changing. She's chosen someone to marry - that is who she should be having the serious relationship discussions with.
@ehBeth,
I will try, and will update in this same forum, thankyou,..
@Rohan12,
And oh, by the way, any more suggestions .. Please do say, I'll keep reading this forum everyday..
@Rohan12,
I wish you the very best of luck with this.
It is not nice to have been disillusioned by a friend in this way.
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