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My fiance has just cancelled our wedding

 
 
SansaBaby
 
  1  
Reply Wed 27 Apr, 2016 11:27 am
@Tobey,
Sorry I haven't replied up to this point, I've been taking some time to think about what I'm going to do and get some advise off various people. As well as obviously needing to look after my daughter.

I will say, up to this point in our relationship we've had no trouble with his parents. They have always favoured his sister over him but til now it's not been a problem, particularly after he moved out of their house, so it is unusal behaviour for them and I have taken that into account.

Fiance/Ex - not really sure what he is right now, is still sleeping on the sofa atm. I've cancelled the wedding though. I'm still deciding what to do about our relationship while speaking to various people.

The solicitor told me not to throw him out unless he has somewhere to go, because if he loses his job over being homeless I could well lose my daughter as I can't afford to look after her without his financial help - she'd automatically go to his parents as they're financially secure and have 2 spare bedrooms.

She also told me to leave here without my daughter as I'd struggle to get custody back of her if she was left with him.

This leaves me with two options; Go to my mums with my daughter, and be overcrowded or continue our relationship.

If I go to my mums, I'm in a tiny too bed flat with my mum, brother and two cats. I'd be sleeping on the sofa (my brother refuses to give his room up for anything) and my daughter would be in a travel cot - no privacy. I'd like wait up to a year for a new flat possibly longer.

Or we could try again. I'd want him to tell his parents to listen to me and respect my decisions, I'm not sure he'd do that.

So I'm still thinking.
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Wed 27 Apr, 2016 11:32 am
@SansaBaby,
SansaBaby wrote:
she'd automatically go to his parents as they're financially secure and have 2 spare bedrooms.


this doesn't really make any sense. how would they get custody of your daughter?

changes of custody don't happen easily.

Are you currently looking for work? have you looked into shared accommodation with another single mother ?- you could share costs as well as care arrangements

__

has your former fiance shown any interest in continuing in a relationship with you? has he asked what he can do to change your mind about the relationship/wedding?
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  2  
Reply Wed 27 Apr, 2016 03:35 pm
I think you know in your heart this is not going to work out. He's a boy, not a man, as he's still being influenced by his family while creating his own new one. You're in (or were in) an extremely toxic relationship with his sister and now his parents - why would you even consider staying and subjecting yourself and possibly your daughter to that? It's not only not healthy but very damaging. I'm with all the others who say Get Out.

And I agree with ehBeth's question about how they would get custody. I'd move back to mom's and look for an apartment or some kind of shared accommodation. Are you working? You don't say much about your financial/employment situation.
SansaBaby
 
  2  
Reply Thu 28 Apr, 2016 10:47 am
@Mame,
I have mental health issues and when I was pregnant signed an agreement with Social Services that if I can't for whatever reason look after my daughter whether that be financial, physical or emotionally she'd go to his parents.

I'm not working, although I am looking, but I don't drive so struggling to find something that I can get to on public transport or where the travel plus childcare doesn't wipe out everything I earn.
Mame
 
  2  
Reply Thu 28 Apr, 2016 11:54 am
@SansaBaby,
Well, you know what the answer is, right? Can you get social services until you're on your feet?
0 Replies
 
CalamityJane
 
  2  
Reply Thu 28 Apr, 2016 11:56 am
@SansaBaby,
Let him stay until he has a new place to live. Make certain that his arrangement is only temporary and you are not interested in rekindling your relationship. This is strictly a logistic decision until he is set someplace else.

Sooner or later your relationship would have folded anyway. If he cannot stand up to his parents/sister and protect you now, it will be even worse in the future. Count your blessings and stay strong!

You have a daughter to protect and to support. Having her drive around with a 17 year old is not only against the law it's downright dangerous too! Had your ex-fiance's parents any brain, they never would allow such a thing in the first place.

You're dealing with a bunch of lunatics and the sooner you can close the door behind them, the better! Don't even think of continuing this relationship, it will become a bitter hardship for you instead.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Thu 28 Apr, 2016 11:58 am
@SansaBaby,
Are there any local groups for single mums you can join - in person and on-line?

There are some terrific resources for young women with similar struggles to you - but you have to find them and use them.
SansaBaby
 
  2  
Reply Thu 28 Apr, 2016 12:21 pm
@ehBeth,
I'm part of a few mother and baby groups who're very supportive.

I also have an appointment with my Health Visitor next week who'll talk to me some more about what other support I can get.
Walter Hinteler
 
  2  
Reply Thu 28 Apr, 2016 01:51 pm
@SansaBaby,
SansaBaby wrote:
I also have an appointment with my Health Visitor next week who'll talk to me some more about what other support I can get.
I'm sure she will provide some more information on local services. Be open to suggestions about what you cn do (and need to do). Stay calm [and ... don't sign anything before having talked to your solicitor before].
Besides that, the groups you've joined certainly will give you a lot of support.
SansaBaby
 
  2  
Reply Thu 28 Apr, 2016 03:25 pm
@Walter Hinteler,
My Health Visitor is lovely and has never made me do anything I didn't want to. She's very good at talking to other agencies so might as if she can speak to Social Services on my behalf and see what would actually happen if I were to kick him out and he lost his job.
Walter Hinteler
 
  1  
Reply Fri 29 Apr, 2016 01:25 am
@SansaBaby,
That sounds good!
0 Replies
 
 

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