How would you feel - catching someone in a lie?

Like most compulsive buyers, he has forgotten WHEN he bought the item. It was the thrill of it all then - now that's in the past and forgotten.

How is he paying for all this? Cut that source.

Hi all - just went back after reading the note from India - after talking about it - I don't think he lied or intended to lie. It seems he thought he talked to me about it - and in reality I believe he did. He showed me it online, but I didn't realize he was planning on actually buying it at the time. More a mis-communication sort of thing.

He does get excited about finding just the right piece and sometimes like stated here there is a certain thrill of the buy. I realize we all have our vices so we just need to try to keep them in check.

Hi Linkat

Have you considered structuring your bank accounts - to put a system in place that (hopefully) removes the conflict?

There are a number of structures that can be used :
Joint Account - A. both pays come in; B. auto transfer set amount to Partner A & B; Regular bills come out of joint account; both parties need to agree for any other withdrawal from this account
Partner A Account: he/she can spend what she likes from with account, without asking the other
Partner B Account: he/she can spend what she likes from with account, without asking the other

That's a basic structure. But if you are doing ongoing renovation, and money needs to be constantly withdrawn from the Joint Account - rather than constantly having to agree to withdrawals, you can set up a Renovation Account - which would also attract regular transfers from the Join Account.

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This setup puts a limit on how much can be spent each week, or fortnight etc. while giving him the freedom to make some compulsive purchases (from his own, Partner A/B account)

If you use such a Renovation account, I'd also do up a spreadsheet of expected expenses - and either of you have to consult that before making non-listed purchases.

Basically the idea is:

A. if he buys from the Renovation Account, he consults the Expected Expenses spreadsheet, and checks the Renovation Account balance, before buying. This isn't perfect for you, but it's a way of managing the situation, rather than 'fighting' every single time'

B. But if he must compulsively buy - he has his very very own Partner A/B account....and it won't affect your budget

C. If you now have a 'fight' over expenditure, it's about him needing to buy compulsive purchases from his Partner A/B account, rather than from the Renovation Account (which is a lesser fight than, each time he compulsion buys, saying 'stop this, consult me, you're wrecking our budget' etc)

Ie. you minimise the nature of any 'fight', and you give him an expense account that he can indulge his compulsiveness (should he choose to do so) - and purchases from his personal account don't cause fights, and don't affect your joint finances.
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I hope you followed that. I found it a little difficult to explain.