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Help on coming out of closet?

 
 
Reply Fri 1 Apr, 2016 11:35 pm
I am currently in high school, and have just discovered that I am bisexual, before discovering this about myself I had been making sexual jokes and such around my friends, ones that would be pretty weird if someone bisexual was to make. I am scared to come out, not only that but my parents are religious and I am not sure about their views on the LGBT community. Making these jokes around my friends has become a habit now, and it would seem out of character for me to stop, does anyone have any advice?
 
jespah
 
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Reply Sat 2 Apr, 2016 04:39 am
@racistm3lon,
Note: I am neither gay nor bi.

That being said, though, you don't have to come out next week or next year. So maybe taper off with the jokes. You can even make a statement on occasion, instead of a joke, e. g. "I was going to say something smart ass, but the truth is, I bet that would offend some bisexuals so I'm not going to say it."

And then change the subject and move on. If anyone pushes you to tell the joke anyway, well, at least you'll have an inkling as to how they will react to your coming out.

As for your folks, they may be more tolerant and accepting than you think. Can you talk to a therapist, or at least to your regular doctor about your concerns? They might have ideas for you on wording and timing, if nothing else.
PUNKEY
 
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Reply Sat 2 Apr, 2016 09:29 am
What do you mean you "discovered" you were bi?

Being sexually attracted to both sexes in high school does not mean you are bi. It just means that you have those kind of very-normal thoughts about both sexes.

Are you in a relationship? Getting into one? Then, and only then, should you feel you need to declare a sexual preference.
racistm3lon
 
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Reply Sat 2 Apr, 2016 09:36 am
@PUNKEY,
It's not really only that I have found myself attracted to both genders, for a long period of time I thought I was only attracted to women, I would have some thoughts about men, but I would push it aside, until recently I have been ignoring my attraction to men. It's not only being attracted to both genders, as weird as this may sound, I have fantasized about having relationships with men and women alike, and although a little personal, through the anonymity of the internet I can comfortably say that I have been "turned on" by looking at pornographic images of both genders. I figured that by the definition, that because of this I am bisexual, but what does it really mean to be bisexual, and is it normal for straight people to have thoughts like this when they are going through puberty?
racistm3lon
 
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Reply Sat 2 Apr, 2016 09:47 am
@jespah,
Me and my friends have a very dark sense of humor, it would be completely weird for me to say that, I have been thinking of not coming out publicly until 12th grade (One of my friends already knows about it and is helping me get comfortable to come out to my other friends), maybe even after that, as my parents might even kick me out of the house if they found this out (I am in a religious household, I don't know their beliefs on the subject, I am not religious myself, however they do not know this yet). As well as there being plenty of homophobic people in the class above that would probably not only get a really good laugh out of me being bi, but might even start harassing me about it. I also don't want anyone getting the wrong idea about it, it seems that whenever someone comes out as gay or bi everyone automatically thinks that you are attracted to them. (Thank you for responding by the way, it's good to see that there are good people on the internet willing to help me.)
jespah
 
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Reply Sat 2 Apr, 2016 11:15 am
@racistm3lon,
Oh, you're welcome.

Note - I was a teenager back when dinosaurs roamed the planet, but one thing is true: your sense of humor changes over time. It might sound weird or feel out of character, but you have it within your power to begin to change the narrative.

As for your parents, you said again that you don't know how they would feel about such things. So why not ask, in a very roundabout way?

"Dad, what do you think of this song by Hozier?"


It's not an unreasonable question, and it gives him an out (no pun intended) if he just says he doesn't like that kind of music or he thinks the video is weird. Whether an evasive statement like that means something more is immaterial; let the guy evade if he wants to evade. But at least you will have asked, and opened up the dialogue in a manner that is safe for you.

I still urge you to talk to your doctor. He or she has heard and seen it all. They won't be shocked by whatever you tell them, and they should have resources to help you, even in parts of the country which might not be so tolerant.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
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Reply Sat 2 Apr, 2016 11:18 am
@racistm3lon,
Based on this post, it's not even clear that you are bisexual.

You need to talk to someone in your community -teacher/doctor/adult you trust - about sexuality and what it means to a developing teen.
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Lash
 
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Reply Sat 2 Apr, 2016 07:13 pm
@racistm3lon,
"Gay jokes are so last year."
"Anybody can trash the gays: I'm setting my sights on farmers."
I'm sure you can find a way to pivot that's funny.

Some people say it's unhealthy to hide your orientation. I agree, but if you think you can hold on til college - that would be FAR better. High school is a nosy, gossip-y microcosm that might torture you if you let the cat out of the bag. College is a different world - AND you have a buffer between you and your parents as they process the information.

Just a thought.

Good luck. You're going to make it and this hiding out period will be a distant memory.
racistm3lon
 
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Reply Sat 2 Apr, 2016 09:12 pm
@Lash,
Thanks, it's nice to know that people are willing to help me with this, it seems like a completely plausible option, college isn't too far away at all, I can definitely wait until then.
ossobuco
 
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Reply Sat 2 Apr, 2016 09:33 pm
@racistm3lon,
Please ignore getting thumbed down. Thumb players come and go, luckily not all the time, but one is active now.
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bobsal u1553115
 
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Reply Thu 7 Apr, 2016 11:02 am
@Lash,
Quote:
I'm setting my sights on farmers."


About time someone did!!!
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