Life will never be same after this. Please help, I am lost.

We were in living relationship for two years, had met him one year before living together. It will sound weird but he is 28 years old and I was the first girl in his life. He never touched anyone before me, he didn't lie about it because I could feel when we made out for the first time, it was really weird. I literally had to teach him after first few attempts. He is awesome in bed now.

I look good but I have very low self esteem and I think I can't make any guy stay in my life, no matter what I do. Anyway, I fell in love with him, I pursued him. It was his first experience and he fell head over heels for me. We were so much into each other that it was impossible to stay away. We wanted each other 24 * 7 so we decided to move in together.

There is one twist in my story. I was engaged (Arranged by parents) before I started living with my ex, not married though. I am older than my ex but younger than my fiance. Anyway, I consider myself old because all my friends of my age and even younger ones got married and have children. some even have teenagers. I engaged to this guy becuase I was broken and had no relationship at that time and this person was chosen by my parents, I said yes because I am old and didn't know if I will be able to find love on my own and I want to have my own kids ASAP. I tried to connect with my fiance but we are from two entirely different planets. there was family pressure but somehow I borrowed two years and wedding date was yet to be decided.

My ex knew all this but he accepted to live with me. I was waiting for my ex to propose me so that I could talk to my fiance and cancel the wedding. The strange thing about my fiance was he hardly ever talked to me on phone, once in a month and yet he would want to marry me. I guess he was getting old too and was in similar situation i.e wanted to have kids before he gets too old. He didn't seem to be interested in me either and was marrying me due to family pressure.

Anyway, I lived with my ex for two years, for first year I waited for him to propose me but it didn't happen but it was getting late for me and due to family pressure, I panicked and started asking him for his marriage plans, whether he wanted to marry me or not. He said don't reject your fiance yet, I want to marry you but I need to ask permission from family but he never told his family about me. After few months I saw his dad was sending him marriage proposals and he accepted one younger and beautiful looking girl. I was devastated and moved out of his house. He went to have a date with that girl he was about to marry. I was so emotional, stopped eating, couldn't sleep , had constant anxiety. I was missing him like hell. I would cry all the time, It was the hardest time of my life and suddenly I realized something is wrong with my body. I was two months pregnant !!!!

I called my fiance and told him that I can't marry you. I knew even if my ex refused to marry me I didn't want to ruin my fiance's life. I didn't tell my ex about pregnancy. I didn't tell it to anyone, I was too weak to think what should be the next step. Out of blue my ex called and said that he is not going to marry the girl his parents had chosen because she didn't like him. He wanted to have me back. If I was not pregnant I wouldn't have taken him back but I was devastated and this news gave me some relief so I moved back with him. I told him I was pregnant, he jumped from bed. He asked me to abort it. He said he hasn't talked to his parents yet and if his parents find out that I got pregnant before marriage they would never accept me. I agreed and aborted it. Something already died inside me after this. But I was in love and continued living with him. It was amazing to be with him. We were so happy once again.

Then I got transferred to different city and I had to go there for few months. With tears in my eyes I left for the new city. We were in LDR. For the first few months we would talk to each other like crazy but slowly he stopped showing interest in me. He even said he can't marry me a few times. I stopped talking to him but then I contacted again hoping he would do it someday because I am his first girl and he loved me. It went on and off for few months. He never came to visit me. One day I decided this is it and I asked him why he doesn't want to marry me, why he is ignoring me and pressurized him a lot. He told me that his dad sent him another girl's picture and she was very interested in him, she was young and beautiful. He said I don't want to live with you anymore because it will be hard to move on for both of us. he wanted to set me free. Since that day I tried to call him, text him like 100 times, pleaded, asked for forgiveness, begged ,even did NC few times but he wouldn't take me back. Now he has blocked me from everywhere. I have no clue what to do, I am devastated once again.

Please don't advice me that I will get someone better coz I know I won't get anyone better now, it takes years to find someone and years to build relationship and then someone asks for marriage which is highly unlikely. My ex fiance still wants to marry me if I am available and my family is pressurizing me to marry him. If I give up I will see myself with my ex fiance, that would never help me to move on. I would not be able to give him my love. If I wait for a few years to get over and find love, I will be too old and my love desire will not be same anyway plus there is no guarantee that I will find someone better, I picture myself getting married to some old divorced guy or extremely old widowed person. My ex is very happy with his new girl and new life where as I am broken and can't even see my future clearly. Please advice.