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Sun 20 Mar, 2016 12:30 pm
Hello,
I am 22 and my boyfriend is 28, we have been a couple for over 3 years, we are engaged and living together without any children,
I'll start by explaining a little about his temperament,
He used to use drugs heavily mainly cannabis to help him 'chill out' as he can be hot headed, his mam found out she has cancer in 2009 and he used to smoke weed as a way of dealing with his problems,
He had since had counseling for drug use and no longer takes drugs (for the last 2 years or so),
He often tells me that he is unusually irritated and finds it hard to express his emotions in a way that is healthy (rather than having angry outbursts),
He is taking 'quiet life' herbal tablets which seem to work but he still occasionally feels negative,
We have had arguments when he is irritated which also causes me to get angry,
He works 12 hour shifts through the week including night shifts which make him tired and irritable and never seems to catch up on his sleep on his days off and he likes to have a drink,
The tip of the iceberg was this weekend gone, we went to a pub in the area where I grew up to meet my mam and her friend,
Before we went out he assured me that he was happy to go there and meet them however as we arrive his mood changed and he was very negative about being there (perhaps he was threatened by the fact that I knew a lot of people and he didn't and he was out of his comfort zone),
As I went to the bar to order our drinks (I was drunk) I was talking to 2 men who I did not know, it was just a friendly conversation between strangers which had no intention of going anywhere,
As I was having a conversation he came over to see what was taking so long (the bar was busy so it took a while for the drinks to arrive) I took this as him being paranoid that I was flirting with other men so I was abrupt with him and told him that I wouldn't be much longer,
After another 5 minutes he came back over but this time pulled the end of my hair from behind, this embarrassed and annoyed me so I asked what his problem was,
He took the drinks away as they arrived and I returned to where we were all sitting and just as I sat down he threw 2 full drinks over me and stormed out of the pub,
Obviously I was extremely humiliated especially with this happening in front of my mam and her friend, she was also disgraced and that made me feel even worse,
Since then we almost separated as I was angry about him throwing the drinks and he was angry because I left him by himself and 'belittled' him, however we have made up and vowed to tried harder in the relationship,
However I am still resentful and feel as if it will take me a lot to forgive him for what he done, he had said he feels bad about it but I just don't know how to move forward?
@shession7,
He certainly needs more help dealing with his emotional issues, and with growing as a person. You obviously want him to grow more as a person. Is he willing to seek the help he needs to grow?
@shession7,
Really,
He pulled your hair? He humiliated you by throwing drinks at you in public?
Either of these would be the end for me. I don't understand why you would stay in a relationship like that. I certainly wouldn't marry someone who acted like that. There is no way that a decent man would act like that (and I am speaking as a man).
This sounds like an abusive relationship. "Trying harder" in the relationship won't cut it. Think very hard before you consider going through with this marriage.
@shession7,
shession7 wrote:
After another 5 minutes he came back over but this time pulled the end of my hair from behind, this embarrassed and annoyed me so I asked what his problem was,
He took the drinks away as they arrived and I returned to where we were all sitting and just as I sat down he threw 2 full drinks over me and stormed out of the pub,
I just don't know how to move forward?
someone assaults you and you don't know how to move forward?
you start by moving out
hopefully he goes for some counselling and grows up
in the meantime, get counselling for yourself and find out why you put up with behavior like that
if after all that, you're both still interested in each other, you can start fresh
Let's see:
Negative, irritable, impatient, addictive behavior, physical abuser, disrespectful of your parents, scene maker, jealous without reason . . . is there more?
This guy has character flaws that are only going to get worse.
Can you can list his "positives" because I'm just not seeing them.
@shession7,
He is 28 years of age not 18. He has gone from one addiction to another, drugs to alcohol therefore when that is no longer applicable he will go for another addiction.
His issues are more than 8 yeasr old and he's done nothing about them, he's not at the point of abuse in public, usually they hide their abuse behind closed doors and you also have issues, anger issues as you retaliate every time. If you were to tell the truth here you would state that you "were" flirting" with those guys after all having said you "spoke to them" you then in another breathe stated that you "were drunk" and still talking to them when your man came up.
You are simply settling, you were 19.
This is a toxic relationship that could get further out of control. Words are words "I'll try more" .
No "man" would even consider pulling a ladies hair, throwing 2 drinks over her, humilated is not the right word. He's a "boy" with an addictive personality, who treats women like ****.
What are you going to do with the rest of your life? Waste it?
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