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Thu 17 Mar, 2016 12:04 pm
My sister worries me... I believe she has some mental disorder... She will be 18 in December and still acts like she's 3... For example, she is attached to our mother.... She will not go anywhere unless mom is there, she refuses to have her own room and still sleeps with mom in the same bed... If my mom is gone more than a few hours she is calling to see when she is going home.... She always crys anytime she is being told something she doesn't like, not just cry but pouts and makes crying sounds, just like a 2 year old throwing a tantrum.... She still doesn't know how to comb her own hair, iron her clothes, wash, she does no chores... As Stated before she's almost 18 and has never went out with friends, to eat, the movies, shopping, nothing... No school dances, no parties.... She won't really communicate with family such as aunts, uncles, cousins... She doesn't care about her appearance at all, and I know for most girls her age, isn't normal... She can go weeks with no bathing or brushing teeth and that's okay with her... She enjoys reminiscing when she was a kid, loves looking at old pictures and hearing the same stories over and over of when she was young.. I'm 12 years older than my sister and it worries me.... My mom would rather ignore and pretend it's not an issue... Another thing is she is weirdly obessed with death... Ghosts, cemetaries, hauntings, killings... If I try to correct her behavior my mom gets highly offended.... She just refuses to grow up...I read a mental condition called "regressive illness", does anyone know more info on it?? If so, is it just me,or does she show alot of symptoms for it.... Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
@worriedsister1986,
Are you saying that she has regressed to this behavior - or that she never had any of these skills all her life?
If this is new, was she in an accident or ill recently? Traumatized or was there a death in the family. Where is dad?
How is it that social services or the school hasn't been involved?
@worriedsister1986,
Quote: If I try to correct her behavior my mom gets highly offended
First off, quit trying to correct her behavior. It is not your place to do so.
As for the rest of what you wrote, have you sat down with your mother and seriously talked to her about your sister? Let her know that you are concerned. Maybe even remind your mom that she will not be around forever to take care of you sister.
Is your sister unable to take care of herself or does she just refuse to do so? If you ignore her apparent dependency on your mother, does she interact with others (when she is around others) in an age appropriate way? Has this behavior been going on for most of her life?
My first response is that at the very least your sister needs to seek professional help in taking control of her life. Whether this is something that might require medication or is something that can be worked through with regular counseling can only be determined by a professional.
Talk to your mom. And if she does not listen, maybe make an appointment yourself with counselor to discuss your concerns and get their advice on how you can proceed to get your sister the help she seems to need.
Good luck to you.
@PUNKEY,
She just never grew out of that phase of acting like a young child... She never bothered to learn any of these things, she just depends on my mother to do it.... She acts some what "normal" around people outside of our immediate family, they really don't know what's going on.... She keeps herself distant from everybody... She socializes at school, but it stays at school... She doesnt go with friends or friends never come around... She was never traumatized, we both grew up in a great loving family... Only death she has ever witnessed was out cousin who died of cancer, was more like our sister... And that has crossed my mind as well the reason she's so obsessed with death.... As far as social services or the school is involved she makes good grades and is a good student at school... She only acts this way at home.... As far as dad, he's not in the picture.... My mom raised us as a single mom....
@CoastalRat,
Thank you!! These are some of the best years of her life and I hate to see her miss out on everything and memories she could be making.... She's a good kid, it's just these issues keep arrising... She def needs to learn be more independent., she just refuses to do these things by herself, its not she cant do them.... At school she is fine... Just acts this wayathome...Thank you again for your opinion
@worriedsister1986,
If she is acting normally in school and gets good grades - I don't think she has a so-called mental disorder. She obviously must know the proper way to act for her age if it hasn't called to question anything at school (or at least I would hope so).
I think Coastal has a good point - talk to your mom about your concern as your sister will need to at some point care for herself. It seems to me on the surface that your mom is allowing and encouraging this behavior by doing so much for your sister. My guess is she isn't planning on going to college - but if she were this should be the push as the girl wouldn't be a mess and wouldn't be able to do anything for herself there.
The death thing - I don't know if it is an issue - it depends on really how extreme - lots of kids like creepy stuff like that - it really depends on how extreme it is.
Unless your mother sees all this as a problem, then it isn't going to get better.
Your mother is getting her needs met, too, when she lives with a person like this and does not demand change and growth from an 18 year old. Or at least get some help with her.
She may be involved in keeping your sister emotionally and socially immature.
I suppose all you can do is let your feelings be known. But it really sounds like they have this mutual-need thing going and like it just as it is.
Too bad. Your mother will not live forever - and then who will take care of sister???!!!
Maybe there is something you don't know ?? But even then your sister needs to be able to lead a life without being "attached at the hip". I saw this same situation happen with family friends ( it was really weird, and it went on for years) and finally - in her early twenties the young lady is off away from her mom and doing well with a husband , decent job and a home of her own. Maybe you just need to give it some time and it will resolve itself. Remind mom that your sister will be on her own someday and her job is to prepare her for it.
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