Self defense is not a crime.
She punched you and you kicked her ass? Good for you! I know, it sounds unladylike and all but, like your husband said, you're not going to stand around and let someone pound on you.
Perhaps an apology to the neighbor, in person or in writing (a card), maybe a peace offering involving food, will help you feel better?
I think of all things this actually helps your overall case. T.J. has been questioning your love for him -- well, you put yourself in the path of a fist because you love him so much! That's the kind of walking the walk that makes a big impact. (So to speak... ouch.)
Pergaps you can say it in terms of, your only thought was to protect T.J., but once you were physically injured, instincts kicked in and you're not at all proud of what you did. You really have the moral high ground here in that you were defensive rather than offensive.
Are you bringing any legal charges? Would that make things too much worse in your neighborhood? I worry that a message is that the neighbor can do that (break your nose) and get away with it.
But I think you scored major points on the meta-issue -- of course you love T.J., and will put yourself in harm's way to protect him.
Thanks Noddy & eoe:
Your feedback was welcomed. Although Debra has been here yet! (lol)
Afterwards I did go to the driveway and say that what just happened should have never happened. "What examples are we setting for our children?". They continued to verbally abuse me so I figured, I'm fighting a losing battle. I did think of the apology thing but then that would be like admitting I was wrong in protecting my kids. I think that that is why I feel soooooooooooo badly. My children saw it. On the other hand, TJ knows I DO LOVE HIM and would do the same for him as I would my own. Heck, he IS my own. We discussed it at a family dinner yesterday and decided that our presence at my friends house would no longer be. It's for my kids protection. NOT MINE. I may be small, but looks are decieving as she came to realize. Hopefully they will leave TJ alone.
Thanks again sozobe.
I did contact the RCMP and spoke with them in length. I've decided NOT to press charges and that would make it worse for my kids. We live in a small area and I don't want to put any unnecessary focus on them in school.
I think that they get the message! DON'T MESS WITH MY BABIES!!!!!!!!!!
I seriously don't think I'll hear about them bothering MY boy again.
Don't neccessarily apologize for what you did, per se, but that it had to happen at all.
Try and be gracious. Taking the high road is always best. Especially after you've kicked someone's butt. Ha!
Hi
It's nice to hear that things are going well for your family.
I hope you obtained medical treatment for your broken nose and had the incident documented to protect yourself. I hope there were other witnesses, if necessary, to prove that the other woman threw the first punch. There is always a possibility, even though you didn't press charges against her, the other woman could press charges against you.
Don't apologize for defending yourself against someone who attacked you. An apology could be construed as an admission of fault and be used against you in the future.
Hey Debra:
I was beginning to worry. I look very forward to hearing your comments. I will be seeking medical attention tomorrow as it's a little hard to breathe and I didn't want anyone poking around at it. I did tell the RCMP that I would be seeing someone in a few days after some of the soreness left. I am awaiting a reply from the RCMP who said he'd be in touch with me this Tuesday. I'll let you know what they say when he calls tomorrow. What do you suggest when it comes to the kids though. TJ is ok with it but SB is upset. She's never witnessed anything like that. You'll be glad to know though that TJ has become quite the lad. I think now he's scared of me. think????? I hope not. We'll talk when I get home from work tonight. See you folks tomorrow. Thanks again.
self-defense
As far as the kids are concerned, I think it's important that they know it's acceptable to use force against another--but only for the limited purpose of self-defense. Generally, the law of self defense requires a person to retreat, if possible, before using force. Generally, the law of self defense does not protect you from criminal liability even if the other person threw the first punch if it can be shown that the other person was provoked. And, finally, excessive force is not allowed.
If it was possible for you to retreat safely with your kids, but you nevertheless allowed your anger at being sucker punched to spur you into "mutual combat" with the other woman, then perhaps the law of self-defense may not apply in your case. Be very careful when talking to authorities not to incriminate yourself. You don't want to be prosecuted for any criminal violations, not even disorderly conduct.
I'm sure you will handle the situation with your kids just fine. It's not like they witness something like this on a daily basis. You can't always protect them from the unpleasantness of life. Sometimes unpleasant things happen and you just have to deal with whatever life throws in your path.
No such thing as "excessive force" in life and death situations. All's fair in love and war. Even if the love and war is between you and your neighbor.
Don't apologize for turning into Mama Tiger. Just stay away from those people in the future.
Pennfieldpal wrote:Hi everyone:
While my family was visiting with friends, the kids went outside with their kids to play. The 15 year old boy next door to my friends instantly started picking on TJ. I instructed my kids to not retaliate. Upon doing as I asked the name calling from the next door neighbours got out of hand. (I guess they were upset that they weren't getting a rise out of TJ). TJ then shouted out that they'd better knock it off and the next thing I heard was TJ scream. I ran outside with my friend (we were having a game of crib at the time) and saw the mother grab TJ and going to cause great physical harm to him. I got a hold of TJ and put him behind me. I told her if she had any thoughts of causing bodily harm to MY child, she'd better reconsider. She "sucker punched" me right in the nose and broke it. The rest is history, but I guarantee that she's an awful lot more sore than my nose. It's like, "say anything you want but DON'T EVER touch my kids". TJ may be ADHD but he's fitting in just fine and doesn't deserve to be grabbed by any ADULT.
That was assault if she grabbed your boy. Assault on you, by her, for her throwing the first punch. I would have filed charges: that is your legal recourse in the situation described. But, if you feel all's well that ends the way it did, then, all's well...
Quote: I wasn't going to stand there and let her hit me repeatedly. I asked him, "if it was a man that grabbed TJ and he sucker puched you, what would you have done?" His reply was "exactly what you did". I said "so why is it so awful when a mother does it?" Because she's female she needs to curb her motherly insticts when a situation like this arises! Man, do I feel bad today. Just writing this I'm feeling worse. Advice welcome.......... Pennfieldpal
I keep thinking back to my original advice about you guys taking martial arts class... together seems like a good idea now... Isn't bending and flexing like a bow a classical first move to learn in martial arts instruction? I keep thinking that there didn't have to be a connection made with your schnozz...
Hi Princess:
I agree with what you say. I, myself, am a 2nd Degree Black Belt. I can handle myself although many think that I look as if I can't. I haven't practiced in 10 or more years though. I thought as I got older I'd never have to use it again. Lesson 1: Looks are deceiving! I didn't use total force with her or I probably could have done serious damage. I used enough force to restrain her and that was it. (Taught in Tae Kwon Do) TJ will be going into self - defense classes this year. I agree he has to know how to defend himself in these situations. If I hadn't of been there, she'd would have scruffed him good. As I type I am waiting for the RCMP to contact me in regards to the whole situation.
I also agree she didn't have to hit me. The mental state of some people makes me wonder! TJ may be an aggravating little bug-lover at times but he's MY aggravating little bug-lover.
I spoke with the kids when I got home from work yesterday and SB was upset because some of the kids were asking her about it. All she said was, my mom is sooooooooo nice but she was protecting TJ from a woman who was going to hurt him. She would never hurt anyone intentionally. It was self-defense. I did call one of the parents and explained the situation. They said that under the circumstances they'd have done the same thing.
I was driving home from work yesterday and a road worker came to my window rather quickly and I "flinched". I'm rather nervous lately, thinking maybe I'll get another unexpected puck in the nose. I guess that's normal.
Night dreams are still happening, my husband is scared (lol). He went to put his arm around me last night and I flung it off me with great force. I told him this morning that I kept having reoccuring dreams about the altercation. I imagine it will leave soon. I still haven't gone to visit my friend and probably won't for a little while to come. I hope she understands.
I'll be in touch after I hear from the RCMP. Thanks again! PFP
Documenting your Post-Punch symptoms might be useful in case of a lawsuit.
