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Mon 14 Mar, 2016 08:47 pm
Hi I don't know what to do. I simply don't trust my boyfriend and I haven't for years, I feel so empty and I don't want to be with him and when I work up the courage to leave him, he guilt trips me and makes me feel like my crazy, and that I'm throwing everything away. Though he hasn't been the most loyal boyfriend, he has kept nudes of his ex girlfriend, only 2 years into our relationship I noticed this and he said he had forgotten about them. Then I went on a 6 week overseas trip where he was chatting up other girls and inviting them over. He never told me this, I discovered this all maybe a year after it happen, now it's come to this.. An ongoing issue from the start, smoking. I'm not a huge fan of it and I admit I got into the relationship knowing he was a smoker, I didnt mind he did it, I just didn't want to kiss him, or be stuck in the car with it, but after a month of dating he kept pressuring me and guilt tripping me into buying them for him, I was so mad, and since then I said you have to quit because I'm not buying them, since then he's had a job and we are trying to buy a house, he works full time with no outgoings and struggles to save any money, considering I pay half of everything, I know why, he spends majority of his money on smokes and alcohol, I have asked him to cut back on both, he said okay and denies black and blue that he smokes, yeah right, I find lighters I his pockets when I'm doing the washing and found cigarettes around the house and packets HIDDEN in his car, so yesterday I got the packet that was 'hidden' tore it apart and left it in his car, he said they've been there for ages and that he doesn't ever smoke them, I don't know what to do I'm sick of being lied to and disappointed. Yeah it's only smoking but he is lying straight to my face, also forgot to add that he still secretly talks to girls and we do everything he want but never what I want .. Ever. I'm over it and wanting things to change. Though I'm also worried what my family are all going to say to me, and if I will ever find someone again ):
@Puppylove12,
Why on earth do you not have the self esteem to leave? Is this what you expect out of life?
Get out, for both of your sakes.
@Puppylove12,
It's obvious if you stay with him, you will become crazy. Leave him or accept the fact that you are too weak and will be unhappy for the rest of your life.
Fear of not finding some body else who is much better for you is a stupid idea.
CHANGE. It's your choice.
@cicerone imposter,
Money is often a problem, which I get. Still, I retain my view.
Thank you all for your replies
I just find t really difficult to leave him, he is very manipulative
And also feel like I didn't give him a fair say in the blog, he is a good boyfriend as well, will cook me dinner and does little thoughtful things
So I hope I didn't come across too nasty on his behalf, he has done a lot for me, does that change opinions ?
I just want to feel happy and I don't understand why I feel so down and uncomfortable, is it because of our past? Am I subconsciously holding onto that and that is why I'm being so nasty.
I wish this was as easy as it sounds, just to leave but it's been 4 years. Lost all my friends, don't have work.. I don't live in the same state as any of my family, it's hard
@Puppylove12,
Your local diner will cook you dinner. This guy is not doing anything that exciting for you, and you're miserable.
Stop beating yourself up about this.
How old are you?
Do you realize that this guys CHARACTER is very flawed - and he is NOT going to change?
So if you want a LIFETIME of feeling bad, then stay.
I encourage counseling for you. Perhaps mentoring from an older woman would help you get the strength you need to stand on your own.
If you feel that way it totally means you don't love him anymore, if you only see bad things in him it's over! have the courage to leave him! You don't need to worry about finding someone else when you are wasting your time with a guy who you feel is not worthy.
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