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Thu 3 Mar, 2016 06:19 pm
I am 20 years old and in college and currently dating someone. I will admit, I went through a bit of a ho stage but I've calmed down and am ready to be committed to one person. I turned down my current boyfriend a few months ago since we were best friends and I didn't want to ruin our friendship. I also wasn't in the emotional state to be in a relationship or ready to be in a relationship.
Almost 2 months ago, we were both at the same party. I will admit that I drank a bit too much and parts of my night are splotchy. I do remember making out with him that night and then walking home with him that night and he stayed over at my place.We didn't have sex, and we still haven't because I want to take things slow because I believe that a relationship does not stem well from sex. He seems very reluctant and angry that I don't want to sex now.
We have been official for about a month now and things are not going well at all. We are both busy, especially me, seeing as we are in college and working towards degrees, mine being an engineering degree. He says that he feels that I'm not trying hard enough, not hanging out with him enough, and the he feels like I don't care enough about him. We've had many discussions to straighten things out but nothing seems to get to him. I knew going into this that since he already had such strong feelings about me, it would be hard for him to understand it's going to take time for me to feel the same way.
I've also found that whatever I choose to do or say seems to make him upset or angry although he always says that I'm his perfect girl. I forgot to mention too that when I turned him down he dropped me as a friend, stopped talking to me completely, started something with a friend of mine, and turned some of our mutual guy friends against me. I guess I can't get over that and other things he has done and said/lied to me in the past.
I've also always had feelings for another guy at my college, have invisioned our wedding and future together and feel like he was the one/it was love at first sight but never pursued anything since I didn't want to be in a relationship.
I guess I'm just wondering if my relationship is really worth all of the stress and constant fighting. I like my boyfriend but sometimes I feel like I'm just settling and being with him since I want him as my friend and don't want to lose my friend again. I know it's bad to have these thoughts and feelings so early on in a relationship but I have this bad gut feeling that it's not going to work out or last for very long. My question is: what do I do?
@unlucky1,
Me, personally, I'd get out before his passive-aggressive shtick turns aggressive.
@jespah,
My answer is a simple no, but I also agree with Jespah.
@unlucky1,
It really sounds as if you have made up your mind that you don't love this guy beyond friendship and that's really not fair to either of you. Everyone deserves to be loved passionately and it definitely should not be such hard work. A guy friend of mine uses a phrase for when a relationship was ending=he called it "processing out." Sounds like what you are describing. Honesty is the best policy. Men appreciate it when women are direct and don't beat around the bush.
Your next question is where do you go from here and I recommend a healthy period of youthful singleness & good for you being able to maintain your sexual integrity. Sounds like your parents did a really good job raising a young lady who has values and knows her self worth. Spend time growing as a person. Look for your spiritual path and seek God so that no matter what situation you find yourself in you will have a strong foundation for decisions like this in the future. I believe if you are patient and faithful God will put the right person in your life.
@unlucky1,
You are clearly not meant to be together. You both want entirely different things. You want for you and him to be friends. He wants for you and him to be lovers. Unless you both want the same thing it's only going to get worse. You either have to come together or go your separate ways. I can't see a middle ground in this particular case.
@unlucky1,
Went thru a similar situation with a friend we never became an item but when I turned him down we didn't talk for a while. Eventually it did work itself out and we now have an amazing friendship and nothing more
@unlucky1,
If you read your own post, I'm surprised you even have to ask.
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