Need relationship help. Should Adam trust Steve here?

Screw the party; I'd be a lot more concerned if I was in a relationship with someone who was using Grindr to meet 'friends'.

I understand the apprehension about using the app, but that's another topic...he used it to communicate since he came out about a year ago and won't give it up.

the party is just something I can't understand. If he wants to date other people he should do it, but just tell me! He says that's not what he wants because he loves me. He won't tell me who this person is or invite me along because he wants to have his own circle of friends. He wants me to just trust him and he's not going to do anything sexual. And I want to trust him, but by him not telling me who he's going with even though this is a "Grindr party" with a bunch of stranglers makes me not trust him, and he doesn't get that. Am I wrong? Am I being too controlling to want to know who this person is even though I said he can go as long as I know who he's going with so that I feel more secure? He says I'm treating him like a teenager...

I told him maybe he needs to go figure out what it is he really wants, because I don't think it's a relationship. He cried and said I'm turning this into something it's not. He just wants to go to a party and meet new friends.

Would you feel the same way about the party if it wasn't Grindr based?

Are you generally cool with your partners going to parties/events without you? do they have to clear their friends with you?

I go to a lot of events without my partner. He has met a small fraction of my real-life friends. I can't imagine having to clear them with him. He knows who some of them are by seeing their FB posts, but that's about it.

No. He goes to other parties without me, but it's it's always been to meet up with people he knows (I've never met many of them before either because he works with them or there friends of his friends). He goes to the pool hall and stuff like that. The fact that he never met this person before, and it's a all gay Grindr party is what really bothers me. Also the fact that he does not want me to go and won't let me see who this person is or tell me anything about him. It makes me feel like I should be worried. Grindr is known for being a dating app, so I can only assume this is a singles get together. He says he wants to "network and make friends" and if he drinks too much he will take a cab home, since this person is going to pick him up down the street from our house.

There is a also a reason I have a trust issue, which I think it noteworthy, even if he doesn't.

The day before Thanksgiving he went jogging with someone he met off of Grindr that he met the week before that he told me was "just a friend", and they ended up fooling around in the guys truck after. This was his second meeting, but the first time something happened. He completely blamed me because he said he didn't think we were exclusive. Keep in mind that he moved in with me a few months before, I drive him to work every morning, picked him up after because he does not have a car, had brought him and paid for his haircut that afternoon so he would look nice for Thanksgiving and was getting the dinner ready for us.

While he was getting ready to go jogging he took a shower and shaved and ran out the door without saying goodbye and the guy whom he wouldn't tell me anything about (again) picked him up down the road away from our house.

I was very suspicious so I checked his phone (I know I was bad) and there were sexing messages from them to each other. So I picked a friend and we took a ride to the track and saw him running with his "friend". They were parked in the very last parking spot in the dark away from the few other cars. When they got back to the truck I waited to see if he would just drive home, but they stayed in the truck for 10 minutes with the lights out, so I walked up and caught them in the act. He blamed me and said he knew I was there the whole time, as he saw me drive in, and that's why he did it to put on a good show. Afterwards he said it was because he thought we were not exclusive...

Now he says he knows we are and that he loves me and would not risk losing me, but I FEEL this is similar because if this guy was going to be just a friend, he should be able to show me who he is on Grindr and tell me about him and have me meet him.

the reality is he is like a teenager who has just started dating

he's only been out a year

he's got some yayas to work out

So you agree. I should be worried. I realize he needs time to figure things out on his own. I just wish he would be honest with me about it. I love him, but I know I need to let go because I'm only going to end up hurt. I was sick tossing and turning all night knowing this stupid party is tomorrow night, and he said he's going no matter what. I know already what is going to happen...I just hate that he makes me think it's me acting like a over jealous boyfriend, when I know he could make me feel better if he wanted to and still go to the party.

I'm not sure if worried is the word I would use.

I'd say you both need to be honest and realistic.

It sounds like you may have been out longer, and have some of the giddiness of being able to date/**** anyone out of your system.

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You've been driving him to and from work, paying for haircuts, cooking holiday meals etc. That's not exactly a balanced relationship. He needs some time to catch up before he's ready to settle down.

I get that he is trying things out, but he is also using you, and may well continue to do so. Trust? Uh uh.

Am I understanding this right? Hes going to parties you want to go to but your not invited to go to? If thats the case, gay or straight, noone should be tolerant of that. Im going but you are not invited. Sit home alone while I go out. Is that the issue? Crappy relationship. Get out before you are too deep.

Sort of. I don't know the person that invited him, and he says it's not his party so he can't invite me. He also won't tell me anything about the person that did invite him. But yes, I'm in agreement with you. It's pretty crappy. He says its because he wantsto make his own circle of friends.

Im sorry sweetie, if you are not in his circle of friends, consider yourself "casual" and start dating youself. Ive been in a relationship similar to yours. Dont break your own heart.
I wanted to add, your self respect is more important then the love or perception of love any time!

Tonight is the night of the party. Last night we talked, and he did finally show me the person he is going out with, and he is going to get picked up at the house. I didn't get to see his previous texts, but he did text him saying that he should pick him up at his boyfriends house with our address which I was happy about.

I'm not sitting home. I'm going out with a friend for dinner and then a movie.

Thank you all for taking the time to reply. I really appreciate it.

sounds like you both made some progress - I'm really glad to hear that

enjoy your evening