How do i tell my father's wife i exist?

You're over eighteen and your father has been in and out of your life for over a decade. It's hard to imagine he never, ever mentioned you to his second wife, but it's not outside the realm of possibility. Same with your grandmother.

But I would say to contact your grandmother and father directly about this. Ask if there is any reason your stepmother should not know about you. Perhaps there is (I get the feeling you and the previous relationship with your mother are some deep, dark secret).

Determine if their reasoning is good enough for you and whether you will abide by it, but also figure out whether this is a can of worms you want/need to open. After all, this woman is not a blood relative to you. Do you have half-siblings? Then it's another story. But if your father remarried and they have no kids, you have very little basis for a relationship with this woman.

Is it really worth it?

Yes, i do have 4 half sibllings. My mother never married my father. He just left. I have an older sibling. Thats my fustration and a little bit of anger. Because everyone knew about him and he actually knows his wife and my other 3 half siblings. There is no form to contact him, he was really secretive about his life. I only have his email but he doesnt answer anymore. Actually its been years. I dont think he uses that email anymore. My grandmother tells me he barely has contact with him, but thats a lie because i saw picture of her and my half siblings. I try to reach him by one of his sister but she ignored me. (From what ive seem, hes really close to her. ) so yeah my grandmother sometimes keeps contact with me but at the same time she never invites me to gatherings or anything. They kinda tossed me aside. Im just tired of all the lies and that he gets to have a perfect life and ge just forgot about me.
Note: i never met my father in person, because he was always saying he was to busy. I know he has the money to visit. I have met my gramdmother and one lf his sisters and cousins. But thats it.

My heart goes out to you. You've got family and they seem to want to remain separate from you. And none of this crap is your fault.

Can you reach out to a half-sibling on Facebook? The next generation might be more eager to be in contact with you.

Well, I've said this before and I suppose it will have no better reception this time, but it's Reality 101.

Your father and other people related to him do not want you in their lives.
Life is not fair, we don't get what we want or feel we deserve.

On the other hand, your father is getting what he wants, including no contact.

Has it occured to you this might wreck his current marriage, or at least put undue strain on it?

We can all play the "what if" game all day (what if my half siblings want to see me, what if his wife would be happy or at least ok about finding out her husband has a another child, what if because you wish it so it will happen, etc)

You could wreck his life with this. On the other hand, if you do nothing, you can have a perfectly happy life without all this, and he and all connected with him will be happy too. Yes, really you can, and probably will have a happy life even if you don't push your way into where you are not wanted.

All this guy did was act as a sperm donor. Beyond that, he's nothing to you.

What is the purpose of contacting your father and his current wife?

Do you hope that they will want you to be part of their lives? it does seem your father has been pretty obvious that he''s not interested in a relationship with you. It's not nice but you can't force someone to have a relationship with you.

Have you told your grandmother that you know she spends time with her son's family? is it worth losing the relationship with your grandmother to push this?

Honestly no, i dont want to be part of their lives. I want them to know hes an asshole. I dont care about his family. He just threaten my mother with a message and telling her she is the one hiding. Lol he is just an idiot.

why?

what is the benefit to you if they know what you think?

what is the benefit to them if they know what you think?

Wow

You have just lost any marginal sympathy I may have had for you.

You believe your father is an asshole, so you want to make them aware of you so you can tell them that.

That puts you in the 99th percentile of asshole, far above anything he may or may not be.

This ^

This is a negative situation I hadn't even thought of in terms of why people really need to lean toward not seeking out birth parents.

This goes on the "naw, no one would want to find a birth parent just to tell his entire family what a bad person he is" reality TV potentials.

My first thought was "if he's an asshole, you don't think they either already know that, or they are bigger assholes than he is, and will chew you a new one?"

If I was sure of the latter, I'd encourage her to tell them.

Yeah, there's just no good that can come from this. This isn't someone seeking identity or personal validation or genetic information. This is a vendetta.

The guy's an asshole, yes. That's all you need to know. Telling him off won't feel good after about a minute or so.

Sometimes its just best not to know. I detect you are hurt your father wants nothing to do with you, so therefore you want to lash out. If he can treat his own blood this way, what kind of person is he, yada yada. I get it. But I also feel its best you dont get bogged down on it. Go make the best of yourself! Maybe become a millionaire, and in a few years they can see your name in the Wall Street Journal and regret every having dismissed you!

Yeah! That's it!

Why don't you go become a millionaire instead?

If my dad dissed me for being worthless, I might! 😊

The point I was making is dont let him drag you down.

I got that, It was a good point.

BTW, becoming a millionaire didn't change a thing with dear old dad.

Hmm...so no Waterboy reunion? 😝

No, he kind of preempted any reunion with a 9mm.

😳. Sorry man