What to do after finding out my boyfriend cheated on me? Opinions please..

You've put in 4 years already. Why not ask him to do such things?

Seriously, if you have been together for that long, you should be able to talk about most things, even if he doesn't end up doing what you ask. But at the barest minimum, you should have the ability to ask.

did you talk to him about your feeling that he was acting differently before you checked his FB? if not, why not?

after 4 years you should be able to talk with your partner about things pretty freely

Sure, you have the right to ask. Just as he has the right to refuse. Or the right to agree but then not do it and lie to you about it.

Personally, if his relationship with her makes you uncomfortable, if he truly loves you then he will block her without much thought. But I think the two of you need to talk about WHY he went out to dinner and shopping with a woman after 4 years with you. That should be a red flag to you about the state of your relationship. Red flag number two is that he so easily lied/kept secret this "date." Relationships are built on trust. At least the long lasting ones are. Sex can be hot or cold for periods of time. Arguments are going to happen. You will be upset at each other now and then. But without trust, do you really think you can stay together?

In any case, you need to talk about the WHY and how he can rebuild your trust, otherwise this could happen again.

Thank you, that is good advice. I need to think whether I can build trust with him again...

Thank you.

Thank you

there's a bit of a theme going on

Yes, well we did talk but maybe we need to talk a bit more but at the moment I think I need time to think what do i want from the relationship. Is a bit complicated as I am planning to go back to my country and that the relationship will most likely end there. I think the opportunity came along and he took it, I just wished he had been open about it as I always told him that hinesty is the most important thing. I asked him openly if he wanted to try and pursue that relationship I understand it and respect it. But he told me that he didnt really like her, that he stills like me...
As you all said we will need to talk but I think I need time.
Thank you for reading.

I had a similar experience recently. If i hadn't picked up his phone I would never have known anything because they ARE NOT going to tell you the truth. He even tried to lie his way out of the obvious.

Dating should lead an individual to a decision - do I want to be with this person for a very, very long time and be married to him/her. Nowadays, people date for many reasons but if you look at dating as a doorway to marriage, no one would ever date for four years. One year is quite enough - in fact, in some cases, one minute may be quite enough to decide someone is not for you. What can anyone possibly gain after four years of dating?
As for the cheating question, once someone shows themselves to be dishonest to me, I never trust them again. It's that simple. One slip and out the door they go.
If after four years this person has shown themselves to be what they really are, you should seriously question how long they have been doing this. You should then consider the biological mess they are certainly dragging back to your bed. When you have a relationship with someone who is doing what this fellow is doing, you are sleeping with the entire planet. Are you worth more than that? If the answer is yes, DUMP HIM!

Personally I don't see the point in this whole thing. He cheated on you willingly, so why waste time on him? If a person cheats once, he/she will cheat again.

you have the right to ask, talk to him and ask him why he did that. Tell him how you feel and if he is sincerely sorry the maybe you can accept him. if he really loves you and respects you, he would stop cheating on you. He should start rebuilding your trust.

Atrocha,
let me tell you I was in the exact same situation, I caught my boyfriend texting a girl and he also said I love you. Obviously after I found out I demanded hee block and never speak to her again. 3 years later I still have to keep telling him dont talk to her even though he repeatedly has.

In all honesty this will bug you for the rest of the time you are in this relationship, if you are emotionally able to completely put this behind you then try to work on your relationship however if your not I would suggest you move on. I wish I did....

Thank you, we are giving each other some time at the moment. I have to decide if I can get over this, but am not sure if I am ready to leave him either. Is painful. Thank you for sharing your experience