How to determine where I stand?

Talk to him.

Don't talk to your friends about this.

He has told you he doesn't want anything serious. That gives you a clue, but if you don''t understand what he means - talk to him.

We've vaigly spoke about it before drunk granted but I know what he means by been serious and am cool with that and don't wanna change out relationship I just want to know exactly what this with us like does he not want me to talk to other guys ect that kinda thing and I just don't know how to talk to him about t without it coming out wrong I know what I wanna say I just don't know how to word it or approach it without it coming across wrong

If he is sleeping with other people you need to think about STD.

1. talk sober

2. talk to him

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say what you've said here

let him know you'd like to clarify if this is an exclusive relationship or casual dating

let him know what you want - be honest about it

if it's not what he wants, it's better that you find out now rather than guessing

ok

if that's a possibility - it is seriously bad news

if he's the kind of guy who might say you can't talk to other guys, get out of the situation/relationship sooner rather than later

Ok thank you I thought as much, how do you think would be the best tatic to do this? Like should there be things I should avoid saying or mentioning? What could be or bad time to try and bring this up with him as I know when the time comes I am going to be nervous and little worried, guess main think am asking is how would you handle this?

And as for the talking to other guys I ment like in a dating sense not just genrial talk I would not let a guy control me like that and he's nothing like that anyway he's sweet like how would he feel of a guy wanted to take me on dates because they wanted to peruse something serious would he want that or not dosnt help as I don't know where I completely 100% stand and its playing on my mind a lot now

if he doesn't want anything serious why would it matter if you dated others?

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you need to be honest about what you want from him (at least to yourself) and then weigh what he says to you

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but yeah, job 1 is to talk to him while you're both sober - maybe out having coffee or something - I wouldn't recommend doing it in private or at anything like a dinner - a casual coffee talk is better

Could I also ask why not somewhere private? Just got me wondering that's all..

it could turn into an unpleasant discussion and it's a bit safer to do that sort of thing in public/semi-public spaces

There's one thing I know is he would never hurt me even if it got unpleasant but I understand what you mean

I just need to figure out how to have "the talk" with him and find out what are our boundaries with each other are

I am onbord with him in not wanting to be like serious relationship but I would like to know he's not sleeping or dating other people more the intercourse for my own health not saying he has but it's defo a topic I need to address for my own peace of mind, I don't want things between us both to go all serious but I would like some kind of foundation for us both we both go live our life's and enjoy things and have fun but we still got each other too if that makes sense? I'd jus need to find a way to exapline it to him without him thinkin am trying to back him into a cornor for a relationship or him thinking am wanting more than I am

If you're asking him to be exclusive - that's serious, that's a relationship.

Gotta be honest with yourself about what you're going to be asking of him.

There's nothing wrong with what you want - just understand what it is.

Guess am just confusing myself then I just don't like the idea of him sleeping with anyone else or even the thought of him dating someone else guess I have more feelings towards him that I care to admit 😞 But am scared he will completely do a U-Turn on me completely pull away I coudnt imagen not been around him now or talking too him all I know is I want him he's come to play a big part in my life without me realising and means a lot to me
What do I do Beth? Am scared am expecting too much from this now or than than he is or even getting hurt

You are expecting too much.

This is one thing am worried about but then I look at things and it makes me question it like he will travel an hour to pick me up and then an hour forums to o to his for the weekend spends full weekend together where so comfey round each other we had a lovely valantines day and evening together and he just stares and smiles at me all the time and cuddles and kisses not the classic stereo type of a "friend with benefits"

you've come a long way from that original post eh

that's ok

sometimes working through it online helps clarify things you / we didn't see at first

1. maybe he's changed his thinking too and is nervous about saying something to you

2. maybe he hasn't changed his thinking but will be ok about you telling him your feelings have changed

3. maybe he'll freak

in the first case - that would be great

in the second - that would be ok

in the third - it would be better to know now rather than in a couple of months when you're really hung up on him

I think all 3 are good outcomes.

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you have to take into account that in the initial stages of a couple having sex, one or both of them can develop emotional attachments as well. sometimes those attachments last, other times they fade away.

you're attached now and want to know where he is with things. that's fair. it's part of maturing/being adults.

**** buddies come in all kinds of variants

there's no "classic"

this stuff has been happening for centuries and each combo is a little different

I guess your right about it all and it is much easier to talk to some one completely nutural about it all it Ives that uniq perspective on things and help you see what you coudnt or refused to see before,
So how do I do this? I know it's taking a risk of him "freaking" and loosing it all with him but I need to give myself peace of mind and he's a hard character to read.

Can you invite him to spend an afternoon in the city where you live? An hour commute isn't much where I live - it wouldn't be a big deal to travel that far for a coffee with a friend.

Invite him out for a coffee date. That'll give him a clue that it's not a sex date to start off with.

Once he's there, have coffee and then go for a walk and start talking (if the discussion in a coffee shop doesn't work for you). Just do it on neutral territory - not in his home or in yours. It's better for both of you that way.

I don't know why, but it always seems easier to talk to someone when I'm walking beside them.