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Sun 21 Feb, 2016 02:21 am
I’m trying to understand where things stand w/ a guy. We went to high school together in the 90’s. (I had a crush on him then.)
Since then, he’s been married twice:
* to a woman w/ BPD, w/ whom he has 2 children (who has caused - & continues to cause - unbelievable drama), &
* to a non-personality-disordered woman who cheated.
He puts in long work hours as a truck driver.
We reconnected via a dating app (that he said his sister talked him into signing up for) & have been sleeping together for over a year. Neither of us is seeing anyone else.
I have feelings - including a great deal of respect - for him & would like this to go somewhere. (After all, isn’t that the point of dating?) But … he either has one foot on the break … or simply sees me as a f*ck buddy. Out of nowhere, he’s said “I don’t want a relationship.” Yet when I bring things up (via text), he always says “relax & see what happens” & that I need to be patient. He’s also told me that I’m “over thinking things” & “missing the big picture.” (I have absolutely no clue what that meant.) In the past, he’s said “we’re doing things backwards” & recently he’s said “when you rush into things, you make mistakes.”
I tend to be an anxious person, & it’s very difficult for me not to know how he feels about me or what his intentions are. I don’t want to be pushy, but I don’t want to waste my time, either.
Is he just being (rightfully) cautious, or is it just sex? Because he seems to be a man of character (& because I care for him), I want to believe it’s the former. But anxiety & self doubt keep me considering the latter.
@Olivier5,
It's been many years and he keeps saying he doesn't want a relationship and to wait. It's time to move on to someone else.
@longing4connection,
You've said it, it's been over a year that you're sleeping together. Nothing in what you've quoted from him indicates that he's about to make the 'relationship' official any time soon. Take a chance, leave behind what needs to be left behind and go for what you want.
@longing4connection,
What do you do together socially? do you go to movies/concerts/dinner/art galleries/parties with family/events with friends ...
are you part of his life outside of a sexual relationship?
Seems like he is not in any kind of rush to get into a third marriage - and given his background that makes sense.
@ehBeth,
We have no social life together. While we have several acquaintances in common (& his sister was my friend in high school), I don't think that anyone knows that he & I are even in contact.
@longing4connection,
you're not part of his life right now - sounds like you're pretty much a FWB
if you're comfortable in a FWB situation it's fine
if you want a different kind of relationship, start looking for someone who''s into a relationship rather than FWB
(btw - FWB don't usually end up in a bf/gf situation - don't expect him to be interested in changing things esp. since he already told you the deal)
@longing4connection,
longing4connection wrote:“I don’t want a relationship.”
what his intentions are.
he's told you his intentions quite clearly
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