Should I 'fess up?

Forums: Relationships, Guilt, Secrets, Advice, Relationship
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So I've been getting to know this guy although it never became official until recently. The problem is, I've been wracked with guilt by a one night stand I had before I got together with my current boyfriend. How we actually got together was because i confessed to having kissed this person I had a ONS (i didn't reveal the full extent of what went on) and he was furious. I told him our relationship status wasn't clear so I thought I was single and I wasn't doing anything wrong. So please tell me...do I need to 'fess up? Because l feel doubtful if we'll ever have the same sort of honesty and openness in our relationship if I don't. Or should I not? Seeing as we weren't even officially together? When I told him about the kiss, he was ready to end it and we weren't even yet together. So do the cons outweigh the pros? Will I still be able to have a meaningful and fulfilling relationship if I don't open up? Do I even need to? This guy means the world to me. I never would have done what I did if I knew he was remotely interested in committing to me at the time. He sent very mixed signals.

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Type: Question • Score: 4 • Views: 1,305 • Replies: 6

[+3] - jespah - 02/13/2016It was before you were together. It's ancient history. Unless you came out of the one night stand with an STD or a pregnancy, it's done and you need not discuss the matter with your boyfriend.

@starrwhale,

It was before you were together. It's ancient history.

Unless you came out of the one night stand with an STD or a pregnancy, it's done and you need not discuss the matter with your boyfriend.

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@jespah,

Agreed. I am worried with this "furious" reaction....hopefully she meant disturbed.

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@starrwhale,

Stop torturing yourself as it serves no useful purpose. Skip the confession as you wrote that he'd freak out and that you had no solid commitment at the time. Don't fret over what happened as it was part of your single life back then. All that matters now is whether or not you feel this b/f is the one who/whom you love.

Don't get your head into this misguided state-of-mind where you feel you must tell him everything. This ONS should be part of your past. Just make sure there are no more one-night-stands. Guilt (and jealousy) are wasted emotions which serve no useful purpose.

Also, I have a sinking feeling that there is a certain amount of control by this guy. Does he have an anger problem? Are you feeling fearful?

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@Ragman,

Thanks for your reply. I do love him. As for him having an anger problem, I haven't yet seen any evidence of that. But he was pissed enough to want to cut me out from his life right then and there. As for being fearful, I must admit I was taken aback by how distant and cold he could suddenly turn.

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@jespah,

I certainly hope I've come out of it without either of them. Thanks for your reply!

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@starrwhale,

Gawd, no. Say nothing. NOT NECESSARY. Thats' the kind of thing that a man can use, (if he's a slut shaming dick, during a fight) against you, later. I wouldn't.

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Should I 'fess up?

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