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What little things break up relationships?

 
 
Reply Mon 8 Feb, 2016 05:44 am
Getting to the age now where I am starting to realise it's the every day relationship you have with someone that matters rather than the big dream (I mean duh, a bit late on that but never mind.)
What are the little things that make relationships fizz out or become mundane or make partners argue?
I'm in a long distance relationship currently and I kind of think it's weird you invest so much time in someone, getting to know them and then when you move in together it's kind of 'make or break' depending on whether you're good at living in the same house or not.
 
Ragman
 
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Reply Mon 8 Feb, 2016 07:38 am
@The Pentacle Queen,
I could say a bunch of things that are true for me (being 65 myself), I'm involved with a snow-bird and newly (since Xmas) in a similar situation (will be an LDR in 2 months)...but I won't insult your intelligence or what you've gained from your life experience. This is not simple to say the least. A serious LDR never is.

One thing I will talk about ..of the small stuff that matters..is someone being true to their word. If they say they'll call, then they call and when they're supposed to call. When you spend time together in each others home turf, they should make real accommodations for you and make you feel special.
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Ragman
 
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Reply Mon 8 Feb, 2016 08:03 am
Furthermore, both partners need to possess the ability to compromise without being so self-sacrificing they feel compromised.
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vikorr
 
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Reply Tue 9 Feb, 2016 02:15 am
@The Pentacle Queen,
I think the answer might be slightly different from male & female perspectives.

I have noticed that in almost every instance where a guy complains of not getting sex anymore...they also aren't putting the effort and/or time and/or thoughtfulness into the relationship...while those that don't complain constantly seem to put these things in to their relationship.

Basically I think that:
- you put effort into the things that are important to you. And your partner knows how important they are to you (in comparison to everything else) by how much effort you put into her.
- replace the word 'effort' with either time, or thoughtfulness, and the sentence still remains true.

Other than that, there is also how you handle conflict. Couples who fight fair generally last longer together.

I think maybe (though I have no evidence for this) the small things become more irritating as the above things get worse.
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saab
 
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Reply Tue 9 Feb, 2016 02:33 am
@The Pentacle Queen,
The little things are different depending where you are in life.
In the beginning it can be a pillow on the sofa or not.
Later it is about children or work or the lawn or mother-in-law┬┤s homemade cakes.
When you retire it can be how you put the dishes in the dishwasher. I have heard about med checking how the wifes do it.
It can be how you fold the newspaper or not fold it when you finished reading.
How long you talk with friends over the phone.
Even how you blow your nose
But as most people care about one another they just ignore it more or less and get along and are happy to have oneanother.
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Setanta
 
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Reply Tue 9 Feb, 2016 02:43 am
This is a foolish question, although understandable. For relationships to work, whether or not they are "romantic," both parties need to be tolerant, considerate and compassionate. If they are not, their relationship is doomed. People don't go ballistic over the newspaper spread all over the table, or leaving the cap off the toothpaste. Those are just pretexts, and signs that something else is bothering the person who loses his or her temper. So both parties need to be able to communicate, and to criticize without rancor.
Fil Albuquerque
 
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Reply Tue 9 Feb, 2016 05:37 am
Autism, self centred perception of reality, incapacity to communicate on equal terms, lacking a project of life together, worlaholism, ilusions about career an formal titles !
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Fil Albuquerque
 
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Reply Tue 9 Feb, 2016 06:13 am
Autism, self centred perception of reality, incapacity to communicate on equal terms, lacking a project of life together, workaholism, ilusions about career an formal titles !
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anthony1312002
 
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Reply Wed 10 Feb, 2016 11:27 am
An important aspect that is a must have in a relationship with a person is that the both of you are truly friends to each other. So often people go into a relationship soley on the bases of physical attractiveness or sex. But they never become real friends to each other. Thus the relationship lacks a solid anchor that can help it endure during rough times.

In the matter of friendships I found this article to be very informative. You might find it nice reading.

https://www.jw.org/en/publications/magazines/awake-no1-2016-february/make-true-friendships/
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Fil Albuquerque
 
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Reply Thu 11 Feb, 2016 09:27 am
The sort of litle things that come attached to big ones...
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The Pentacle Queen
 
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Reply Thu 11 Feb, 2016 04:05 pm
@Setanta,
Not that foolish if you've only had long distance relationships, A
at least i realise that isn't going to be the reality of the relationship long term.
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