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Death and pain

 
 
Reply Sun 7 Feb, 2016 02:06 pm
I cant keep living with my mind the way it is. It hurts quite a lot. Even if I don't share a lot of things, well its mostly the same things on loop so whats the point of sharing it but the frequency of everything. Even when im out with everyone n doing things. Its not like, ok im busy so those thoughts about how things are n how they should be dont happen. Everything reminds me of some past event that hurt or something that shouldnt be the way it is.

No one can live like this, it isnt a life worth living. its not the fact that if I dont stop with the idea of suicide that I wont start living or things wont change, its if the thoughts n **** that goes on in my head doesnt stop, I wont start living. And thats never going to happen especially with daily reminders about stuff. The suicide and wanting to die constantly is just a bi product of my thoughts, feelings and pain
 
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Sun 7 Feb, 2016 02:22 pm
@helpmedie,
I urge you to seek the help of a doctor.
helpmedie
 
  0  
Reply Sun 7 Feb, 2016 02:28 pm
@jespah,
already done that long ago.

http://able2know.org/topic/249416-1
http://suicideproject.org/2014/07/euthanasia-assisted-death-and-nembutal/
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Sun 7 Feb, 2016 02:42 pm
@helpmedie,
Then go to another doctor.

I am not going to help you die. I doubt most people here would.

I'm sorry you are in pain. I really am. But suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary condition.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 Feb, 2016 02:47 pm
@helpmedie,
I have and many other people I know have had hugely horrible things happen in our lives, that are hard to get over. I sympathize with you though as a lot of your situation (I haven't reread right now but read it previously) seems to be stuff going on, rattling your mind. Medicine is improving almost day by day - I urge you to see a psychiatrist at a university hospital. In my university hospital background, the clinic docs work hard to figure out how to help, or, less noble, how to be the smart one who solves the problems.
helpmedie
 
  0  
Reply Sun 7 Feb, 2016 02:51 pm
@jespah,
no need to be rude. but lmao. a permanent solution to a temp problem.

its just been a good few years now. 10 years plus. lol
helpmedie
 
  0  
Reply Sun 7 Feb, 2016 02:52 pm
@helpmedie,
sorry meant, dont mean to be rude. but lmao a permanent solution to a temp problem.

its just been a good few years now. 10 years plus .lol
0 Replies
 
helpmedie
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 Feb, 2016 02:56 pm
@ossobuco,
I have seen a psychiatrist and have been seeing a psychologist for the past 4 years or just more than 4 years. besides for when i was younger as well but that was just 3 visits or so back then.

been on medication and the best one helped where I didnt talk about the crap much but never stopped the thoughts and memories. nothing will stop memories unfortunatley or the link that your mind makes with situations and those memories.
0 Replies
 
helpmedie
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 Feb, 2016 03:34 pm
@helpmedie,
anyway. chosen helium for my exit. and have my date. just tying up loose ends at the moment. of course nembutal would still be the most ideal way out, no bag over the head, no room for error or anything going wrong. just drink up the powder n go to sleep. Well done enough research so hoping my chosen way works out and nothing goes wrong.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 Feb, 2016 04:01 pm
Stop,wait, its the same stuff getting you to suffer. Look further for help, not just one doc.
helpmedie
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 Feb, 2016 04:07 pm
@ossobuco,
no stress ossobuco. i definitley aint going to go through my entire life story with someone new. it took me so long to build up the relationship I have with my current doctor. my date isnt just yet in anycase. but sometime in july. if anything changes from now till then then whoohoo but in the meantime just tying up loose ends and proving a few people wrong before i leave.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 Feb, 2016 04:10 pm
@helpmedie,
So you'll just devolve instead of facing a new person?


Me, I'm quite old, and am not in any kind of therapeutic profession.
helpmedie
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 Feb, 2016 04:31 pm
@ossobuco,
did face a new person I guess. had my psychologist and then she sent me to a psychiatrist cause my psychologist couldnt put me onto certain meds and had to go through quite a few things there as well. wasnt very comfortable doing that. but did it anyway to give the meds a try.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 Feb, 2016 04:41 pm
@helpmedie,
Psychiatry has, I gather, gone much more into meds these days, and less talk. But I'm not sure that is across the board and I am sure that individual psychiatrists differ.
Doctors differ almost as a team sport, and those are the smart ones.

Look harder.
Not that you haven't looked, though I don't know if you have, it's just that doctors vary.
helpmedie
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 Feb, 2016 05:55 pm
@ossobuco,
True and thats what they did. tried me across a range of meds before finding one that worked to the point that i didnt talk to them about the crap much but it didnt stop the thoughts n memories. nothing can stop memories or the way my mind chooses to associate things with those memories and trigger them.
Glennn
 
  2  
Reply Sun 7 Feb, 2016 06:05 pm
@helpmedie,
Someone once told me that I should try living in the moment. But being extremely depressed and uncooperative, I countered their advice by telling them that this moment is necessarily made up of the last moment, and that that last moment was necessarily made up of the previous moment, and that that previous moment was made up and built upon the moment before, and so on and so forth. So how can anyone escape the past when the moment is made up of, and based upon, nothing but past moments building on each other? In essence, I was telling them that we are all products of the past, and that there is nothing else for us to be since the past is all we have as a foundation; that what we are is a result of the cumulative effects of all of our past moments. There was no talking to me. I knew what I knew.

After many years of depression and self abuse, I finally came to the realization that in order to escape the past--or more accurately, the feelings caused by past events--I had to stop throwing that past out in front of me every morning. I had tied my identity to my pain and my past. I didn’t know how to be someone who didn’t hurt like hell. I was a professional sufferer. All I can tell you for sure is that you have to find a way to refrain from giving the past more reality than the here and now. And I don’t know how that will happen for you. But you need people. Without people, your world will get smaller, and you will be forced to live your life in extremely close quarters with a past that you say hurts you.

Even as I write this, I understand that it will mean very little to you. It will sound like I’m telling you that if you really put some effort into it, you can jump that fifty-story building. And for that I apologize.
_______________________________________

This post is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease or condition. If you have a health concern or condition, consult a physician.
0 Replies
 
 

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