Someone once told me that I should try living in the moment. But being extremely depressed and uncooperative, I countered their advice by telling them that this moment is necessarily made up of the last moment, and that that last moment was necessarily made up of the previous moment, and that that previous moment was made up and built upon the moment before, and so on and so forth. So how can anyone escape the past when the moment is made up of, and based upon, nothing but past moments building on each other? In essence, I was telling them that we are all products of the past, and that there is nothing else for us to be since the past is all we have as a foundation; that what we are is a result of the cumulative effects of all of our past moments. There was no talking to me. I knew what I knew.
After many years of depression and self abuse, I finally came to the realization that in order to escape the past--or more accurately, the feelings caused by past events--I had to stop throwing that past out in front of me every morning. I had tied my identity to my pain and my past. I didn’t know how to be someone who didn’t hurt like hell. I was a professional sufferer. All I can tell you for sure is that you have to find a way to refrain from giving the past more reality than the here and now. And I don’t know how that will happen for you. But you need people. Without people, your world will get smaller, and you will be forced to live your life in extremely close quarters with a past that you say hurts you.
Even as I write this, I understand that it will mean very little to you. It will sound like I’m telling you that if you really put some effort into it, you can jump that fifty-story building. And for that I apologize.
This post is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease or condition. If you have a health concern or condition, consult a physician.