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Suicide By a Friend

 
 
Reply Thu 27 Jul, 2006 06:01 pm
I don't know where to put this thread. It concerns suicide by my friend, whom they buried today. It concerns suicide and attempts, by persons I have known over a lifetime. Ordinarily, when a person I love dies, I feel a different sorrow than I feel for such as these. I grieve for the ones who did not want to quit this life. But, with my friend, I feel she has acheived peace the only way she knew how. Sad as it is, wrong as she may have been, I am happy she is no longer suffering. Today she was buried, and that was her final choice. I cannot argue the decision.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 8,052 • Replies: 109
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Intrepid
 
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Reply Thu 27 Jul, 2006 06:03 pm
My condolences on your loss.
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Slappy Doo Hoo
 
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Reply Thu 27 Jul, 2006 06:23 pm
Sorry to hear about that.

When I was a freshman in college, one of my best friends attempted suicide. He ended up living, but it was one of the hardest things I've ever gone through. I actually couldn't think or talk about it for a year without getting really upset. Luckily he's doing very well now.
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dyslexia
 
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Reply Thu 27 Jul, 2006 06:27 pm
Re: Suicide By a Friend
edgarblythe wrote:
I don't know where to put this thread. It concerns suicide by my friend, whom they buried today. It concerns suicide and attempts, by persons I have known over a lifetime. Ordinarily, when a person I love dies, I feel a different sorrow than I feel for such as these. I grieve for the ones who did not want to quit this life. But, with my friend, I feel she has acheived peace the only way she knew how. Sad as it is, wrong as she may have been, I am happy she is no longer suffering. Today she was buried, and that was her final choice. I cannot argue the decision.

Edgar, I guess we can only surmise the pain and suffering that others around us feel. we certainly can not judge their actions, however, we can recognise their sadness. I am sorrowed.
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edgarblythe
 
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Reply Thu 27 Jul, 2006 06:40 pm
Not many years back, another friend died suddenly. For months thereafter, his wife attemptd to kill herself, but the local authorities watched her closely and often confined her on a suicide watch. Last time I heard from her, she was still looking for the way out. I dearly hope she found some sort of equilibrium and changed her mind, but I doubt it. She never answers her mail anymore, at least no to me.

Some societies have not condemned the practice. Sometimes, I agree with them. Not that I entertain such thoughts. I just feel we should be allowed to check out, if that's our desire. Perhaps, after an obligatory stay in a mental health facility for a prescribed time. Just a thought, not really sure about it.
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ossobuco
 
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Reply Thu 27 Jul, 2006 06:40 pm
I wouldn't want to put it into sorrow, acceptance, and joy, as the sorrow is just a word for the many levels of primeval loss and the sensing of it...

and joy, or release, for the suicidal... well, I don't know, I've never done that. I've suspicions of being very sorry - if aware - in milliseconds, but don't know.

Condolence and understanding to you for your friend.
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edgarblythe
 
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Reply Thu 27 Jul, 2006 06:46 pm
I wrote about her here.
bottom of page
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farmerman
 
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Reply Thu 27 Jul, 2006 06:48 pm
I consider it a selfish fools way out. When a friend and employee shot himself a few years ago, I went into a guilt funk. (Guys on A2K actually helped by providing some good logic) I still feel guilty and probably always will, to a point. However, "checking out" as a unilateral, in- secret action is entirely different than , say, your friend sending an e-mail or a letter saying she was going to do this and dont feel any blame. OTHERWISE, those of us attending the funeral get these pangs of guilt that can never be satisfactorally resolved.

When life gets so unbearable that suicide is the " only answer", then I feel that the person needs to get PERMISSION .
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msolga
 
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Reply Thu 27 Jul, 2006 06:48 pm
Re: Suicide By a Friend
edgarblythe wrote:
..... with my friend, I feel she has achieved peace the only way she knew how. Sad as it is, wrong as she may have been, I am happy she is no longer suffering. Today she was buried, and that was her final choice. I cannot argue the decision.


I can completely understand & sympathize with your reaction, edgar. If someone's life is so painful, so excruciating that they cannot bear to continue ... well, that is their decision to make. As much as I might dearly miss a good friend who felt compelled to do this, I would quietly relieved that the pain & suffering had ceased. If the friend is intelligent & in control of their mental faculties, and has struggled for a long time, who are we to criticize their decision?
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farmerman
 
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Reply Thu 27 Jul, 2006 06:59 pm
Commiting suicide as a terminal event resulting from the brains chemical imbalance .like severe depression is as much ignoring a clinical symptom as bloody stools are a symptom of a serious disease. I dont buy the "Its all their decision" crap and we "are but observers of their lifes spool"

JEZUS H CHRISE. Im not even a Christian but I believe that self murder is as immoral as non autobiographical murder.
I know that your going to come up with cases of terminal diseases and those whove lost spouses. I have no response for painful terminal diseases where life ending is a clinical decision, but all other reasons are, IMHO bogus.

Sorry to use your thread Edgar, I do feel sad for you but I also feel angry ovr the person who commited suicide , leaving you here to post a thread looking for validation.
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ossobuco
 
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Reply Thu 27 Jul, 2006 07:16 pm
Well, this is all nice and thick, I'm absorbing each post. Unfortunately or not, I was just reading a book by Carol Shields, where a woman goes into a long time depression, which I can easily relate to, perhaps exceptionally relate to, except maybe I have the wrong endorphins. Still, I get it.


Well, what. I can only speak for myself, not being at that edge, but understanding it.
In any case, let me honor her quietly.
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Noddy24
 
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Reply Thu 27 Jul, 2006 07:22 pm
Suicide-as-Sin is a medieval legacy. Not only did the Church see the suicide as usurping God's will, but the temporal authorities saw a soul (with useful, working body) escaping from his master, depriving his master of valuable property.

I wondered as a child why suicides were buried at crossroads. Eventually I decided it was so they would keep the choices, the varient paths, that they had ignored in life.

Edgar, I respect your sorrow. You are a man with grief that can hallow untimely death.
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Frank Apisa
 
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Reply Thu 27 Jul, 2006 07:25 pm
Sorry for your loss, Edgar.

Unfortunately, the grieving is something that must be borne by the living.

I personally feel suicide is an acceptable way to end a life....and while I have never had anyone especially close to me end his/her life this way, I hope I would be understanding if it ever happens.
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Intrepid
 
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Reply Thu 27 Jul, 2006 07:29 pm
It is difficult for the living to understand and accept such actions. Especially if it is not known if a suicide has actually taken place.

My brother died a few years back by being knifed in the neck and upper body. The police wrote it off as a suicide because he died with his own knife.

I find it difficult to believe that he would have done that and it goes even further when I consider that a killer may have gotten away with it.
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edgarblythe
 
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Reply Thu 27 Jul, 2006 07:31 pm
Yes, I want all points of view to be heard here. I suggested earlier that perhaps the suicidals ought to be in a mental asylumn for a time before being allowed to proceed, if the stay cannot disuade them. I recognize that one person's path may be anathema to others, and both sides be reasonable. I don't think there is a fixed right and wrong here.
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farmerman
 
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Reply Thu 27 Jul, 2006 07:32 pm
Why do we treat the brain as some mysterious organ that , like our Midieval worship of the liver as the center of our feelings, will be understood like any other organ in a few years. Suicide is often just a simple symptom. (Of course its an irreversable one but a symptom nonetheless). We still revere it like some artistic finality suitable for Poe fans. Lets bring it back to some reality, suicide is often a failure to achieve a positive clinical outcome.


The employee /friend who comitted suicide left a grieving family wih whom Ive kept in touch. The wife, although apparently little affected at first, has in the last year, become a total wreck herself, which has led to problems with the two teenaged kids. All this because of a chemical imbalance
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ossobuco
 
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Reply Thu 27 Jul, 2006 07:36 pm
I think suicide is reasonable, or versions of it, y'know, letting go...

Well, letting go and not shimmies, let me guess.
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edgarblythe
 
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Reply Thu 27 Jul, 2006 07:37 pm
Of course, if we have ample warning, we have a chance to try to reverse the compulsion. I don't believe my friend gave out that much information.
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farmerman
 
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Reply Thu 27 Jul, 2006 07:40 pm
That will be a comfort for you Edgar. You can grieve and not sulk with guilt. Guilt sucks.
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cicerone imposter
 
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Reply Thu 27 Jul, 2006 07:44 pm
I've never had a friend commit suicide, but I have lost several good friends. All my condolence for your loss.
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