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Help me please. I have no will to live any longer.

 
 
Reply Fri 12 Jul, 2019 03:48 pm
First of all I'm sorry if I'm not supposed to post things like this on a2k but I really need help and Im not sure where to go.
A little background information... I'm deeply into music. I was part of a choir and intended to send a demo to a record label as well. I play, or should I say, played, the guitar, keyboard and violin.
That is until an accident a while back.
A little backstory here, my mother does drugs and I don't live with her anymore. I don't know who my father is. I live with my aunt and uncle.
A few months back I was in a car accident. It was pretty minor, so the trauma to my head and neck was a shocker and completely devastating. It caused vocal cord paralysis. My hands weren't spared either. I have only my index finger left on my dominant right hand and the other one sustained severe nerve damage.
Long and short of it is I can no longer play my music or speak, or sing.
I know I should be grateful I made it out alive. But now I need help breathing and swallowing. And doing basic everyday things. Like changing my clothes.
And I feel utterly useless without my music. It's pretty well established that I'll probably never be able to speak or sing again. My left hand may still recover but the fact is I'll never play like I used to. And I have no chance of making it as a singer. Ever. Even if I by some miracle get my voice back.
What am I supposed to do? I just can't see myself getting through life. I was on medication for depression before this anyway and I'd attempted suicide twice.
My aunt and uncle are so patient and sweet, and I can't stand being a burden on them. Before I was going to get places, make something of myself. My voice was going to take me places. Everyone said so. And now I have no voice to speak of.
In all honesty it's really just the loss of music and singing in my life that has devastated me so bad. How am I supposed to deal with this without feeling like ridding the world of myself every second?
 
hawkeye10
 
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Reply Fri 12 Jul, 2019 05:34 pm
@Idekwhattodo,
Check out the book "Still Here" by Ram Dass. This is a guy who had a debilitating stroke to the point where he needs lots of 24/7 help to do anything, and up till that point he had lived an amazing life to boot! He was in a bad place. But he figured it out, to the point that he would I think tell you that his life After Stroke has been at least as good as Before Stroke.
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LovelyandTrying
 
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Reply Tue 30 Jul, 2019 01:53 pm
@Idekwhattodo,
While I can’t relate entirely to your situation, I know that dealing with this stuff is heavy and hard. I want you to know that you are not a burden, and you are worth healing and taking the time to heal, both physically and emotionally. You are worth it. Your aunt and uncle are there because they love you and care about you. What you went through is awful, and I can’t imagine how it feels. But know that, everything aside, you can do this because you are so much stronger than you think.
I have felt the way you’re feeling, like you’re broken and nothing is going to be the same. But you’re not. You are beautiful, the cracks filled in with gold and silver.
You’re worth it, and everything is going to be alright.
If music really is your passion, maybe take up songwriting? I mean, without the written and composed songs, musicians don’t get anywhere, right?
In the meantime, remember that people truly care about you, and that you could never be a burden to them.
Seeing as how you made it through all that means that you have a very powerful, very brave soul. Keep up all the progress, take your time, and remember that you are worth it.
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