Feelings of Neglect

Reply Thu 4 Feb, 2016 06:14 am
I am 16 years old.
My parents have been divorced since before I was born, I live full time with my mum and go to my dad's every second weekend.
For many months now I have begun to feel neglected by mum. I don't know if this is a big problem or not.

She finishes work at 4 and is expected home around 4:30 however the majority of the time she stops for drinks after work and won't tell me. She will come home hours late with no plans for dinner and when confronted she will say she is having fun and I am old enough now to care for myself and prepare dinner. The problem with that is there is no food in the house for me to start to cook with as she bring the shopping home with her. She will constantly yell at me about how poor she is when I need anything, school books, new bras (I have none that fit me properly which is very uncomfortable) shoes. Plus yell at me to get a job when I already have two.
She spends all her money on wine (we have about 57 bottles in the house currently) and drugs (she thinks I don't know).
She will drop me off to my dad's them go out of town and not tell anyone including me and not come back for days after I was supposed to be dropped back into her care. Heigyene was also a problem as I only just got rid of nits which I must have had for a while but she refuse to spend any money on treatment and whenever I asked for help she said it wasn't her problem and tell me how disgusted she is (my lovely sister ending up helping me and I am free of them now)
I can't say that I have it terribly bad though as she still provides for me although she yells about money and I have clothing and a roof over my head and I know she loves me so I don't know if this is child neglect or not.
I know I have developed an anxiety problem and I am so nervous about school. I am very self conscious about me and my body, and I have the worst attitude around her. I constant act out and later don't even realise why I reacted or acted that way as it seems silly but I can't stop myself from snapping at her 24/7.

The main reason I noticed all of this was when I realized at the end of the school year last year how I didn't want to leave. I have grown attached to two teachers there and I constantly seeked their attention i try find reason to talk to them. I felt embarrassed and googled it and discover that teens that have an absent parent may form attachments to other adults of that gender. Like a parental role. Which made me think about my situation.

My dad has also grown really worried about my living conditons and is trying to gain full custody of me.

My mother told me she was going to by a house up north somewhere and leave me behind and the only reason she didn't was because I fortune teller told her not too.
She told me she felt like a teenager again and I feel like she doesn't want to have the responsibility of me and wants to be able to go out whenever and do whatever she wants and their shouldn't be anything wrong with being spontaneous or feeling young again except her being spontaneous is giving me two days warning that she is going out of town and I have to find somewhere to stay (aunt or dad's etc)

I don't really know what question I am trying to ask.

I don't want to talk to anyone about it. I haven't told a single person. Not even my dad. He found of from thing my sisters told him that they experienced. (I am the youngest my sisters have all moved out)

I guess I want your opinions on my situation and if you think this is a case of child neglect and whether the things I mentioned above were caused my this (anxiety, self consciousness, attachment and attitude) and what you thing I should do about it.

Thank you.
Reply Thu 4 Feb, 2016 07:14 am
The question you might ask yourself is:
How can I get myself into a living situation where I feel safe, clean and comfortable?

Apparently, it is NOT with this selfish, immature woman who is going thru her second childhood. So YOU have to make the adult decisions so you can survive.

Yes, your living situation is intolerable. Are there other places you could go to live?
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Reply Thu 4 Feb, 2016 07:31 am
Tell your mother you want to go live with your father, full-time. Just lay that card on the table. Nothing else. Er, tell your father first of course.

Your mother may turn out to be relieved.
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Reply Thu 4 Feb, 2016 01:24 pm
Detrix99 wrote:
My dad has also grown really worried about my living conditons and is trying to gain full custody of me.

can you talk to him about making arrangements to have you move into his home now?

talk to your father, talk to your sisters - it sounds like they all love you

your mother loves you as well, but may be tired of being a primary caregiver. it can be hard for a parent to admit that about themselves.
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