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Mon 1 Feb, 2016 09:01 pm
Hello, I am a 19 yo female and I recently started a new job and had become close friends with one of my male co workers. I had liked him for a moment before he had told me ( I quote,) "the unfortunate thing" was that he was married. (this was his answer when I simply asked him if he was single) We still kept being friendly with each other, but I have my suspicions whether or not he may be interested in me in a more than just friends way...It may be all in my head but I really do not know since I have never had this kind of relationship before. SO, For my MULTIPLE EXAMPLES of my suspicions: On nights we work the same shift he drives me home... When we leave each other we usually hug each other, and I THINK SOMETIMES they are longer than the average "friendly" hug... We text each other as well very late at night, but it could be because we work late, or he's also has an odd sleep schedule... and I've always answered to his texts so maybe he thinks I don't mind...I send him selfies often to say hi, and he usually says he likes them or laughs and texts that I'm "cute".I don't know if it's just a friendly innocent meaning of "cute"...He sent me a selfie one time when he happened to not be wearing a shirt-which caught me off guard but I didn't think twice about it...We call each other hon and darling and sweetheart and other pet names, but only when we are trying to be funny or saying goodbye... He seems to get happy when I say that I really like something he does or says and has said my opinion matters a lot to him...I'm rambling on about various instances that have stood out to me that seemed "more than friendly"...
Other than all that- we are simply...friends. We don't ever go "hang out" anywhere, or we haven't.. but we chat online and whatever else... talk like normal friends about our interests but really that's all. I seriously think we're just friends, but he is the first guy friend I have ever been this close to and comfortable being myself with that I can't tell the difference between what things might be friendly or "more-than-friendly". I don't want to lose my friend and I just want to understand whether this relationship I have with him is okay or not. I am okay with our relationship and he seems to be normal with everything...but I don't know how this looks to the average person in an average relationship (since this is one of the only friends I've had a deep connection with). But I simply must know based off what I have mentioned, where our relationship stands..? Thank you..
@daenerysrose,
Have you met his wife? what does she think about your relationship?
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whatever you do, keep in mind that his wife could be looking at his phone - or may in the future. if you're ok with his wife seeing what you send him, you're good. if you're not sure, reconsider it.
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try not to mess things up at your job
@ehBeth,
Thank you for your reply. No I have not met his wife, but he does talk about her a lot when we hang out in person. That's why I didn't worry much about it...He does step out & away if she calls him, but that doesn't seem like it means much..
However he did one time mention to me once when he was in a bad mood one day that she had made him angry because of her "insecurities" as he called them. I asked what he meant by it and he told me she meant insecurities involving me. I felt bad because I didn't want to stir up problems in their relationship, but he told me that he refuses to stop being my friend because of how she feels and I shouldn't worry about it because it isn't my problem. He said it wasn't his either, which...all did stand out to me, but it was a while back and he hasn't mentioned anything about it since. I didn't know what to do since we are only friends so I said okay and just kept being his friend. But I honestly don't know if he mentions me to her anymore or not..or if she simply trusts him with me now. But I don't know if she has any interest in meeting me...
And I don't send him anything bad, just friendly or funny selfies or texts. And I am aware about being careful in my job, and it hasn't and won't be a problem. but thank you again.
@daenerysrose,
these things are verging on inappropriate so you might want to consider stepping back from them
no hugs
no pet names
that's uncool (and it seems you realize that)
daenerysrose wrote:... When we leave each other we usually hug each other, and I THINK SOMETIMES they are longer than the average "friendly" hug...
...We call each other hon and darling and sweetheart and other pet names,
Are you dating anyone? looking for someone?
@ehBeth,
also - if you're such good friends, you should be able to talk to him and make sure that it is clear that this is a casual friends only relationship
@ehBeth,
Yes, I see what you mean. I suppose I will have a talk with him...
To answer your bottom question, no I am not dating anyone. I have never dated anyone and had never experienced any affection or interest from the opposite gender by any means. With that I'm still not... exactly sure if I'm looking for anyone right now because it is not easy for me to find people whom I connect with- much less people who are interested in connecting with me.
@daenerysrose,
Then you're using this situation as avoidance behavior.
Go out and meet people who are more appropriate for you. This does not mean bars. This means going out and doing the things you enjoy doing (exercise, crafting, acting, cosplay, movies, whatever) where you can meet all sorts of people, some of whom may be unattached men.
@daenerysrose,
Stay well away it's more trouble than it's worth and find someone single are you can share your life with
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