Am I overthinking this?

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In a relationship with a man I previously worked with for 4 yrs. We're both in our mid to late 40's. I moved out of country for work right beforehand (13 hr time difference). No romantic involvement before I moved (we were both attached). Kept in touch after I moved and here we are now. It's been 7 mos.

Scenario:
We could talk only through text in the beginning. We talked about everything hearts on our sleeves putting it all out there lots of heartfelt texting . We also have a lot of naughty text too (our libidos connect perfectly). We eventually started talking on phone and now he calls regularly usually 3-5 times a week and we talk 15 mins to 1hr - all initiated by him. We've both said we love each other and we want to make this work, etc. We even have our own acronyms LLL - HBS (like lust love - heart body soul). We have video chats/dates when can. We've spent time in person after our relationship started and it did get physical. It was more than we both imagined it to be...in the good way.

What I'm struggling with:
We're not having our heartfelt talk much anymore. The naughty text are still always on which I enjoy, but at same time it bothers me that he's not opening up as much about his feelings as he did before. We both prefer talking on phone (in person best). He does seem to open up more on the phone, but we're still not really sharing our hearts like we did before. We always say we miss each other. "Miss tons" is his typical I miss you text. He does tell me he loves me....not at the end of EVERY call or all the time on text. He's always happy to hear my voice and always looking forward to seeing each other on video. We still text everyday (initiated by both) but not as many text and not 'deep' like before.

I'm missing the heartfelt stuff we used to share. I miss him telling me how he feels. It helps me feel connected to him with having such a great distance. Should I be worried at all or am I overthinking it? Maybe there's a shift to being too comfortable and not trying as much to let me know how he feels? If I need to bring it up - how? What do I say? Last thing any woman wants is to come across as needy.

Any thoughts?

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[+3] - jespah - 01/21/2016So you've had 7 months of texting. Have you met up in person during this relationship? If this is just texting, then I'm thinking he is getting busy with other things. And yeah, that could be...

@mal2013,

So you've had 7 months of texting. Have you met up in person during this relationship?

If this is just texting, then I'm thinking he is getting busy with other things. And yeah, that could be other people.

What to do?

Try getting offline and connecting to people in person. They don't have to be potential relationships. Just, go out and see human beings. Go to shows. Go to church or the like if you are so inclined. Exercise outside, whether it's walking or biking or whatever - or in a public place such as a gym or mall walking if the weather doesn't cooperate.

Talk to your coworkers and connect with them for things like lunch or break time or getting together for a drink after work.

Why am I suggesting all of this?

Because usually these kinds of social media-only relationships are a means of people avoiding the general public. And I add this is still pretty much a social media-only relationship even though you know each other from before and even if you have met a few times in person since it started (but spending money on each other is often a sign of more of a commitment than a bunch of pixels flying around).

I am not saying these relationships cannot work out, but it is a ton of mutual work (that means he holds up his end on his own and without you helping him) and often time. Seven months may not be long enough.

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@mal2013,

Have you told him you miss the heartfelt part?

We cannot read his mind so it is difficult to know if his feelings have changed or it has to do with a more mature familiar relationship.

Long distance relationships are hard - but can be successful. The funny thing is when I first started to read this -- it sounded like me and my husband when we first met--except the texting as we didn't have texting - we emailed, we talked on the phone, etc. We are now married for over 18 years so it can work.

I don't think that you would sound needy saying something like - I know it is corny but I really miss those silly heartfelt talks, it may seem silly but it really helps me feel better connected to you when we are apart.

It would only be needy if you continually harp about it.

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@Linkat,

Hi Linkat, thank you for your advice. It's encouraging to hear success stories of long-distance because it is hard. I know he has much more to distract him from missing me than I do (he's the big boss in the co. and has 2 kids). I worked with him and know how many directions he's pulled in ALL-THE-TIME. I'm just missing the heart-to-hearts and trying to figure out how to tell him without sounding needy. He's always been easy to talk to so I don't know why I'm being insecure about it. I liked the example you gave. In all honesty, if he simply is unable to keep an open heart long-term then I need to question myself if he's a good fit for me.

Any further thoughts is always welcomed :-)

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@mal2013,

No other thoughts quote honestly, and I do wish you the best.

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Am I overthinking this?

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