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What do i do?? I need helpful advice please

 
 
Reply Thu 7 Jan, 2016 09:42 am
I met this girl (22) two years ago and our relationship was perfect in the beginning. Then I found out that she was cheating on me the whole time. I was so disappointed as my ex cheated on me also. I felt mad and upset. I even checked her phone after that because it was always on my mind. Not too long after, she cut contact with me. I kept messaging her and calling but no reply. Then I found out she changed her number. I tried to look for her on facebook and social media but no luck.

6 months later, I look on facebook again and find her ( I was looking actively). I guess she re-activated her account. I then sent her a friend request and messages saying I really want to talk to her again and know shes ok. She responded kindly but then said she doesn't know if she should talk to me. Now she is always giving me mixed signals, saying she wants me then backing out. I wonder why she does this as she didn't do it before in our relationship. Anyways, after days of begging her, she finally gave in and gave me her new number. She told me she could only talk to me "innocently" and "only as a friend" I asked about where she works now and if shes dating anyone new, she said "no I am single and I don't want a boyfriend". I was respectful and everything, sending her daily text messages asking how shes doing and letting her know that I genuinely care for her. I really do or I wouldnt even bother contacting her again after she cheated on me and disappeared.

However, when i asked her what she is doing for new years she said she might go to her friends party and a guy there is calling her over to "have fun in his hot tub" I was so mad about this but I didn't show it I just said "you shouldn't go, that guy is bad for you" I didn't know what to say. After this, she ignored me and disappeared for a couple of days yet I was messaging her daily. She kept ignoring me (she does that a lot now)

Then, a week after, she finally replied and I began flirting with her and began sexual over the phone. to be honest, I was jealous when she mentioned the "hot tub" things with the guy .I want her only for me. She kept giving mixed signals, one day she flirts with me the other day she wants nothing to do with me. But she wasn't like this before. So I finally told her I really like her and I want to be good friends with her. But she said no after flirting with me and giving me hope. I ask her to go out for coffee every day but she flirts with me all day then tells me "no, i wont even go out for coffee with you" I am so confused. I still have feelings for her but my heart is breaking again. What do you think is going on with her? Do I have a chance with this girl? Should I keep pursuing her?
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Type: Question • Score: 5 • Views: 1,144 • Replies: 11

 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jan, 2016 09:45 am
@ben-smith,
ben-smith wrote:
Should I keep pursuing her?


no
ben-smith
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jan, 2016 09:48 am
@ehBeth,
Can you explain why?
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jan, 2016 10:22 am
@ben-smith,
common sense.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Thu 7 Jan, 2016 10:37 am
@ben-smith,
ben-smith wrote:
our relationship was perfect in the beginning. Then I found out that she was cheating on me the whole time.

I even checked her phone after that

Not too long after, she cut contact with me.

no reply.

Then I found out she changed her number.

I tried to look for her on facebook and social media but no luck.

6 months later, I look on facebook again and find her ( I was looking actively).

I then sent her a friend request

she doesn't know if she should talk to me.

then backing out.

after days of begging her, she finally gave in

She told me she could only talk to me "innocently" and "only as a friend"

I asked about where she works now

I was so mad about this

I was messaging her daily.

I was jealous

I want her only for me.

I want to be good friends with her. But she said no

I ask her to go out for coffee every day



you want an honest answer?

here goes.

you come across as a slightly pathetic creepy potential stalker

__

if this woman was my real-life friend, I would tell her to keep records of all of your attempts to contact her - and I would tell her to block you on all media.

If I thought you knew where she worked and lived, I'd suggest she report this to the police for future reference.

___

Seriously. Leave her alone.

Meet new people - men and women. Make friends.

Do NOT obsess about them.

You'll be a better friend and boyfriend as a result.

Even long-term couples don't say creepy stuff like this

Quote:
I want her only for me.


<shudder>


__

edit: if she was my child, I'd probably go crazy and beg her to come home where her family could protect her from you
ben-smith
 
  -2  
Reply Thu 7 Jan, 2016 10:50 am
@ehBeth,
I know she cheated on me and I can't forget that but Its always on my mind. I still like her though. Can't I at least try being good friends with her to get her back by not being too upfront and scaring her off or maybe I can get her back if I perform well sexually because I know she loves sex and she cheated on me sexually with another guy. Anyways, I ask her out for coffee every day and she flirts with me all day, sends me pictures of her, then says no when I tell her im on my way to come get her. Why the mixed signals? she tells me she wants to talk to me, is into me then disappears and ignores me for days and even weeks. How can I get her back? Is there any hope for us?
ben-smith
 
  -1  
Reply Thu 7 Jan, 2016 10:51 am
@ehBeth,
And how am I being a stalker?
ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Thu 7 Jan, 2016 10:57 am
@ben-smith,
Leave her alone.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  2  
Reply Fri 8 Jan, 2016 09:09 am
@ben-smith,
Quote:
or maybe I can get her back if I perform well sexually


that ain't going help --- she might use you only for sex, but that is not going to keep her as a girlfriend.

This girl sounds like she is playing with you -- playing a game and leading you on.

I doubt there is any hope. You are like ehbeth said acting like a stalker --- and she is acting like she is leading you on --- neither sounds hopeful for a real relationship.

You should just stop all contact with her and move on. You know there are other girls and some girls do not cheat.
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Sun 21 Feb, 2016 03:36 pm
@ben-smith,
Get a grip on yourself man.

You get cheated on you never, go back unless they explain why they did it and ask for a second chance.

She went out of her way to ensure you couldn't find her, talk to her, thought that after 6 months she was safe.

It's her life not yours it's up to her what she does with it.

But, get a grip, she and the past girl cheated on you, time to grow up into a man and thereby find a woman who would not cheat on you that you don't have to be totally insecure with and stalk and seek and find and get jealous and stalk.
0 Replies
 
Medusax
 
  0  
Reply Sun 21 Feb, 2016 05:34 pm
@ben-smith,
Ummm...dear??? She is an immature, game-playing little tart. Period. You can care for her all you want to, but it won't change her. Look elsewhere.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 21 Feb, 2016 06:02 pm
First of all, what is all this cheated on stuff?

So many posts, from thirteen year olds (ack, or less) think a friend you have sex with is cheating if they date/have sex with someone else. Have they all vowed years ahead of "only you, my dear, forever"?

Best you all consider condoms as people do like adventure. Learning and caring about new people is wise for teens and twenties and forties and sixties.

Mostly I see people in these situations who hardly know each other, all electric love, or electric enough, but are stunned if the person isn't fully interested and then, many of them get obsessive, possessive, become stalkers. Women do this too.

I have had a friend who wrote I love you all over a guy's windows in lipstick , not received well. She was our most religious friend at the time, beating only me back in those days.

Innocence can get in your way.

Hard to say what I think, something like young people aren't taught much. I wasn't either, but I could read.
0 Replies
 
 

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