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I am confused by the acts of my boyfriend

 
 
Reply Sat 2 Jan, 2016 02:17 pm
I am very confused because of my bf. He is caring enough and shows that he loves me but gets irritated when I crossquestion him about certain things. He never shares his passwords(he has mine though) and phone. He talks about our future alot and loves me (as far as I know).
I help him in all his problems,try and give him all my time he wants but as soon as his problem gets solved he is rarely available.Help me !
 
View best answer, chosen by Confused soul
Ragman
 
  3  
Reply Sat 2 Jan, 2016 02:30 pm
@Confused soul ,
There was a famous street named after him. Have you ever heard its name?

It's called One Way.
Confused soul
 
  1  
Reply Sat 2 Jan, 2016 02:39 pm
@Ragman,
Then why does he talks so much about our future? I have always been by his side whenever he wanted,have gone to extremeties to help him out but still he isn't available when I need him. We are in a LDR and I trust him completely because I love him so much, but I am confused by his changing behaviour...
Should I wait
so that things get fixed with time or smthng else
please advice.
ossobuco
 
  3  
Reply Sat 2 Jan, 2016 02:58 pm
@Confused soul ,
Don't give anyone all your time, a kind of self-obliteration. Work out who you are and what your interests are yourself, don't be a rubber stamp, which - I don't mean to be mean here - is what you are doing in this situation.

I would help you if I say get away from him... so I will. Let him go. Pay more attention to yourself.

He may grow up, or not, but I wouldn't hold my breath.
ossobuco
 
  2  
Reply Sat 2 Jan, 2016 03:02 pm
@Confused soul ,
Loving so much is no reason to have trust. Behavior is a reason for, or against.
0 Replies
 
Confused soul
 
  1  
Reply Sat 2 Jan, 2016 03:02 pm
@ossobuco,
Should I discuss these things with him?
I have never told him this
I think he would feel bad.
Should I ?
0 Replies
 
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Sat 2 Jan, 2016 03:19 pm
@Confused soul ,
There are two sides to this.

In a good relationship things should be equal... but no one ever says how that should be. Every relationship is different.

In reading what you wrote, I have a few questions...

1) Why do you share your passwords with him (I have never done this with my girlfriend nor she with me)? Is this something you did on your own, or is this something he demanded?

2) Why do you help him in his problems? Is this something he asks you to do, or wants you to do?

3) I don't exactly know what "crossquestion" is. I certainly wouldn't want to be "cross-examined" by my girlfriend. This would irritate me.

There are boundaries in any relationship. In most good relationships they are equal, but each relationship is different as far as what boundaries there are.There are great relationships where no one is "cross-examined" and neither partner shares their passwords with the other.

I don't see any evidence here that your boyfriend is doing anything wrong (unless he is demanding your passwords and insisting you solve his problems). It sounds like you and he need to talk about what the boundaries are in your relationship.

When you have this discussion remember that there is no correct answer... every relationship is different. But, that the boundaries should be equal and the needs of both of you in terms of intimacy and personal space.
FOUND SOUL
 
  4  
Reply Sat 2 Jan, 2016 03:27 pm
@Confused soul ,
I think that you should change your passwords and let him know you respect his privacy, his independence to have that privacy and you've decided you should do the same, after all you trust him and he should trust you, so it should not be a biggy. See his reaction to this.

I also would quit giving my absolute all to a person. Life is about being yourself and enjoying your time, your life, passions, you have some don't you? Dreams, passions. When you give your all to someone you are not giving anything to yourself. Also people take advantage of that, you've suggested that here. Once you've solved it helped out, he ignores you and isn't there for you at all.

Sounds as if he likes to take and likes to track you, but doesn't like to give.

Words are words, biggest thing any man can tell a girl " I love you" and then, she stays.

Confused soul
 
  1  
Reply Sat 2 Jan, 2016 03:44 pm
@maxdancona,
1. He hacked my fb account when we were friends, I guessed it was he and certainly he confessed. So I said if u wanted you should have said. At that time I gave him my pw .
I never ask for his. I respect one's privacy.
He has gone through my phone when we meet , the other day he was at my home
he wanted the pw of my wifi
I said give ua phne I wil enter dat
he resisted.

2. He tells me about all of his problems. I listen to them
bt when he braggs about them frequently,I ask - u need sme help?
He never said a NO

3. He contradicts his statements frequently,so I get into doubts lyk - is he lying??
when I ask him dat last tym u told smthng else he gets irritated.
PS- he takes anti-D pills
nd forgets frequently what he says or has been told.
Confused soul
 
  1  
Reply Sat 2 Jan, 2016 03:45 pm
@FOUND SOUL,
:-)
0 Replies
 
maxdancona
  Selected Answer
 
  2  
Reply Sat 2 Jan, 2016 07:47 pm
@Confused soul ,
You need to set boundaries, and you and he need to agree on the same boundaries. Every relationship is different.

I would change my passwords if I were you. And I would ask him to respect your privacy (and I would make it very clear that this is important). I don't think most relationships involve having each others passwords. My girlfriend doesn't have my passwords.

If he is unwilling or unable to meet your needs, then you should leave the relationship. Relationships end. When you are not getting what he needs from the relationship, that is a sign the relationship should end.



Confused soul
 
  1  
Reply Sat 2 Jan, 2016 08:54 pm
@maxdancona,
thanks :-)
0 Replies
 
 

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