Falling in Love with a Beautiful 40yo Woman

Hello there!

I'm Vincent, I’m a 29 yo Brazilian male, I’ve graduated in engineering this October, and started working in my first payed job ever in November 13th (a Friday =)). I have a quite complicated life, at this moment in time. I used to date a girl, we were together for quite a while, but things weren’t going so well between us and we wanted to leave each other. Not even a week had passed when we decided to break up, and we found out that she had gotten pregnant. It was the end of August, we both live in Italy, as foreigners, we have the residence permit documents for our stay, which must be renewed yearly, according to our purposes of stay in the country. At the time, mine was still of studies, hers was of work, but neither of us had a job, nor the perspective of getting one. It has been a wild ride, to say the least, given that we were broke, both depending on our families to sustain us financially. My family is all back in Brazil, hers live here in Turin with her, but we kept everything at secret, up to now. We told her family a bit before Christmas, naturally, they got very angry but now things are settling down and we’re all treating each other with love and care as usual. My family has no clue of this, I chose not to tell them yet, because there is literally nothing they can do about it for now, and knowing this would only make them desperate, and anxious. My father is waiting to do a couple of important surgeries, and the last thing they need is to worry about me, right now. About the girl, she still has no job, and barely has a regular situation here in Italy, she basically depends on me to be able to raise our child. We have fought so much already, we decided that we’re not going to be together anymore, but of course, I assume full responsibility for everything. I spend 12+ hours a day working, and developing a business so that we can have something for ourselves tomorrow, more than just a minimum wage. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, and fighting with her every now and then really gets on my nerves, and I feel like my head is about to explode, but I know I can take it. I assume 100% of the responsibility for having this baby and I’ll do everything in my power to become a great father, and to help each and every one of the people who helped me and supported me all along. It’s tough, but I can do it.

But this is not the reason why I wrote this message, this is merely the context of it all. There is one another thing that I wanted to ask your opinion on. At my job, I met this beautiful woman, Francesca, 39 yo, vibrant, sexy, fun, joyful, intoxicating woman. I later found out she was the girlfriend of my boss, and that they have had a little boy about 5 years ago, but that they are no longer together. They had met each other six years ago, moved in together, she started to work at the company, they had a kid, they broke up, he treated her badly (as far as I heard, I’ve only been in the company since November), and after several fights, they both decided she should be laid off her workplace. In the meantime, even though I had seen so much of these attractive qualities in her from day 1 (Nov 13th), I had never imagined she’d be remotely interested in me. I thought she'd look at me like a child, not much interesting, and just not care at all about me. She had never really sent any signals of interest at all, barely ever messaging me or even talking to me. She was always very fun and playful with everyone, though, including me, but really very subtle, I never noticed anything. Until one day, Dec 10th, she actually made a move, so to speak. We were speaking about horoscope, and asking each other’s signs. I said I was “from virgin”, not “a virgin”, and we started all joking and poking fun at the fact I’m Brazilian, and what not, and she had at a point asked me “well, how would feel about taking care of a 40yo woman?”, to which I replied “that is not one of my prejudices”. In my mind, I couldn’t believe she had actually asked me that question! I was ecstatic, so happy that she actually liked me too, and kept it all in secret! So, right before she left the office, I had slipped a piece of paper with my phone number into her hands, while she still gave me signals of interest, and told me when was she available in the week. I asked her “call me”, as I handed my number. That was the beginning of me falling in love with this beautiful woman. I would loose sleep at night thinking about her, only to go to work and see her in front of me, and not pay attention to anything else. I was just craving her attention all the time, as little as it might have been. But I feel like I might have ruined everything, like I did so many times in the past already, by just not knowing when to keep my mouth shut. This is one recurring problem with me. I like to think of myself as handsome and good with women. I'm definitely not the best out there and have sooooo much to learn and improve about it, and I’m surely not one to brag about myself, but I can safely say I have more successful experiences with women than most men. I’ve been with more women, I have an overall better understanding on how to talk to women, how to flirt, how to insinuate and entice their interest in me, than the average guy. Until I fall in love with a girl. Then, I basically throw out the window every single thing I’ve learned, and just go full “nice guy” mode. I write long text messages, saying how much they are wonderful, and how much I praise them, how much they are worth so much better than what they have been treated, how they deserve to be put on a pedestal, how I feel humble in their presence, that I’d kiss their feet and the earth they step on, etc. On yet another day, I wrote her a goodnight poem, where I’d play a sort of guardian angel role to her sleep, and would drain away her fears and worries while she sleeps, kissing her forehead as she shut her eyes. On the one hand, she’d answer like “aw, that’s so cute”, but on the other, I kind of felt like I was killing her attraction for me, by being too nice, and needy. She’d even say she adores needy guys, but I kind of feel she was just being nice and not wanting to hurt my feelings. I had just thrown away all the rational, logical procedures on the textbook in order to push the right buttons when interacting with a woman, and followed what my stupid heart told me to. That’s the real me, so soft and cute on the inside, and so not attractive to women. I know how to play confident, secure, self-assuring, masculine, I feel quite secure myself, but of course I have so much to improve yet. I have sent, not that many messages I suppose, but probably enough so that she’d might lose interest in me, even though being polite, even though saying she’d still want to go out with me in her every reply, I feel this awkward emptiness in the air... as though it's not like this at all, as though she really wouldn't want to go out with me anymore. I mean, she’d reply so much less, and only if I wrote her first. She’d still say we’d go out in every response, but she never writes me a message herself, to finally set up a date, and I don’t know if she ever will. Last time I wrote her, was on the 23rd, to explain exactly this situation of mine, becoming a father, just how I told you. That was her last day at the office, and I so wanted to tell her everything in person but just didn't have the chance. Remember, she's my boss' ex, they have a kid together. I can't just risk it all for talking with her in person, I needed to cover up things from the others, we both understood this. Still, I felt like if there was the possibility that after knowing this about me that she’d not want to go out with me anymore, that I had to let her know about me in advance. And so I wrote a message explaining it all, so she could choose whether or not to want to go out with me again. She said she was so surprised, she had her sister coming to visit up to the 27th, and that she'd like to talk about it in person and we’d go out “later”. She never wrote after that, to set a date, apart from wishing me merry Christmas on the 25th. Since then, I didn't write to her anymore, just waiting for the day she'd make up her mind on going out with me or not. I do understand it's very likely that all she wanted was just sex, a boy toy, no strings attatched, and that I sort of killed her fantasies with all this stuff I'm bringing to the surface. I clearly would like to be more than just a lover. It’s even possible that she even has other men with whom she hangs out and has sex, but that’s just me making assumptions based on little evidence, and being a little paranoid. I saw her texting through whatsapp during work, and even though I don’t know what is she writing and to whom, she’s beautiful enough that she might have multiple options available. I am obsessed with this one woman, ever since Dec 10th when she “made a move” on me, I think about her day and night, I wake up at night and my first thoughts are about her, if she ever sent me a message, only wishing in my wildest dreams that I could go out with her, hang out with her, have a relationship with her. I would like to be her boyfriend, beyond simply her lover. I feel like I would do anything for this woman, but I am well aware she’s not my purpose in life, I have a very well defined purpose and path that I’m following right now, and will keep on it with or without her, but I still feel like something in me is missing. I know I should be complete all by myself, and not depend on anyone, on the contrary, I should be so full with myself that I overflow love, passion, kindness to others, and that attracts them to me. But I feel a bit of an emptiness inside, I feel like I want to be with her, I feel like it’s haunting me not to have her in my life. I wanted to hear your opinion on it, please. I’m sorry if this message was too long, but it’s quite a lot going on in my life at the moment, that I feel is relevant for this question. I would much appreciate to hear your answer to this. I know a lot of what I wrote here may make me look weak, just like a little dog chasing after validation. This is the truth of how I feel right now, I hope at the very least you find all this story entertaining.

Thank you.