Why do I keep emotionally cheating on my husband??

If he's abusive, you need to consider leaving him. Otherwise, you can accept the future to be the same.

I always believe things stem from childhood and in that, what you are used to you continue to have, or what you missed out on, you continue to search for.

A Father is a role Model just as much as a Mother is, off course you as you mature take what you agreed with and don't take what you didn't agree with in your continuation of life.

Perhaps not having a Father means you weren't able to have a role Model to rely upon on how a woman should be treated, perhaps not having a Father, meant you have a strong need to seek attention any attention even if abusive as you so desperately need that attention from a male.

Here is the thing. You actually acknowledge this may be the case and you acknowledge that you are being abused both mentally and physically, the first probably to ensure you remain in this horrible thing you call marriage so he can control you and the second, for the exact same reason.

You wouldn't dare have an affair in reality, for the fear he'd get worse in his actions if he found out but emotional is a replacement of what your "husband" is not giving you.

You sincerely need help, others may be able to give the point of call where to start as I am in Australia. Help to realise that you need to get out of this physical and mental abuse that you are suffering and the strength to carry it through.

Men do not hit women.
Men do not mentally torture someone to feel so low they stay.

Guys that think women are nothing do.

Are you nothing?

No you are not, you are someone.

You need to leave, abuse is abuse, people that love each other don't hurt each other.

There is time for you to start again.

don't cheat in anyway that's just wrong.
leave then the world will open up to you. Xx

I think your question should be why you have stayed with a man who treats you like that.

If you are being abused, then no wonder you seek emotional comfort from others. Too bad it is from other men. There's no strength-building in that, in fact, it fills you with guilt and shame.

You continue to abuse yourself!

Get counseling for yourself. Raise your self esteem so you don't have to seek comfort from others, much less men.

You're seeking validation outside of yourself, and outside of your abusive marriage. Try not to blur the two issues. It's easy to medicate with the dopamine "hits" we get in our brains when some strange man is telling us how hot/desirable/beautiful/deep/fabulous we are, but believe me, the men who go looking at someone else's wife, aren't worth having or getting involved with. They are interlopers, and possibly, predators. If they wanted real intimacy, they'd find available women. As far as your marriage is concerned, if it's abusive, and you stay , anyway, chances are there's some codependency, there. Is he an alcoholic or addicted to something else? Affairs just muddy the real issue...YOU. You may have a relationship problem, but you most likely have a YOU problem, if you are staying in an abusive relationship. I would get some counseling and see what a therapist (one who treats codependency) thinks about your intrigue with other men. Get off social media, if necessary, and get to know yourself. You'll be glad you did, whether your marriage lasts, or not. Namaste.