Tue 29 Dec, 2015 08:31 am
I have run into trouble with some of my relationships. I will try to describe the situation as it happened without letting my emotions influence it. Around 12 at night my boyfriend and his older brother went to pick up something from Kate's* house. My boyfriend and I were already in a minor argument before this. When we were on the phone arguing, he told me that he was still in Kate's house, this was around (1:30am). This was not ok with me as I found it disrespectful that he did not step outside and made this his brother's and Kate's business. His brother was texting me from Kate's phone saying that I needed to calm down and that I was being childish. (This upset me, my boyfriend does not know about this. ) They did not leave until I told my boyfriend they needed to leave her house right now, and he needed to talk to me on the phone alone with no people around. We resolved our issues which stemmed from the fact that him and his brother cannot do anything at normal hours. I have expressed myself to him and my boyfriend is a saint when respecting my wishes. He does not go out late at night whenever I am not invited to events (as we all have the same group of friends) since if the situation was reversed he would be upset. This was not one of those situations but it falls along the same line. We made up.
However, the next day Kate sends a screenshot to his brother that I had sent her showing that we had resolved our problems. The screenshot of the text read "Boyfriend: I promise to listen to you more, I love you" "Me: you better" "Boyfriend : I do". His brother and her found this to mean that I was belittling my boyfriend and in a way they all agreed it was me "making him my 'b***h'". His brother showed him the screenshot and my boyfriend was enraged with me. I am upset by their actions as they have caused my boyfriend to become highly upset with me as those were never my intentions at all. After a very heated discussion, I finally got to show my boyfriend the context. He understands I did not mean to disrespect him but still feels disrespected just the same. We made up, even after he said he would end things, and this situation caused us a lot of stress. I am asking for help on how to clear the air with Kate and his brother. A little more background, out of frustration I have texted Kate that it was not her right to send this and that she should reflect on it. Kate has only met my boyfriend's brother only once before this. His brother is around 23/24, we are all 19, and he has friends in our circle. She became upset and said she sent it because she feels that I need to stop being a "sh***y" person to my boyfriend. I always discuss my relationship problems with her and this is probably why she feels that way. Thank you.
I am upset by their actions as they have caused my boyfriend to become highly upset with me
No, you caused your boyfriend to be upset by doing this.
screenshot to his brother that I had sent her showing that we had resolved our problems.
Why would you send her a screenshot of anything? What business is it of hers?
I totally understand why your boyfriend would be ticked off.
I always discuss my relationship problems with her and this is probably why she feels that way
So stop discussing your relationship problems with her. Stick to discussing them with your boyfriend.
Are you open to the possibility that you are being a little controlling? Every relationship is different... but to me it seems you are being a little unreasonable.
There is nothing wrong with him being at Kate's house (assuming he wasn't doing anything with Kate). If he was there with his brother, just socializing... there is nothing wrong with that. It isn't reasonable for you to expect him to step out of the house.
I would not want to be in a relationship with a woman who didn't trust me. I have women friends (other than my girlfriend) that I spend time with. I have never cheated on my girlfriend... and she never gets upset with me.
A good relationship is about mutual respect where neither person controls the other. I don't think it is right to get angry that your boyfriend is spending time, in a completely unromantic way, with other people.
Oh, to be sixteen again, and take everything so dreadfully seriously.
Don't text screenshots anymore. Period.
Don't involve other people in the drama between you and your boyfriend. It's none of their business. Period.
Also, consider this: we don't own other people, even as husband and wife. You are sounding like the boss of all, and fairly angry things aren't going your way. I do get that - lovers or married - you two get to talk about what you expect, but demanding someone "leave the house right now" would make me leave you, if I were him. (I'm not, of course, and besides I'm a woman).
I'd call you "bossy pants". Controlling behavior is hard on both sides of the aisle, and not all that useful in the long run.
Other than this, I agree with other posters so far.