Tue 22 Dec, 2015 11:04 am
I never sought professional help for this and because of the nature of the incidents, I have never discussed it with anyone in person, but I have online.
When I was 12, my mom had a fling with a guy at the resort were were staying that summer. She was married to my dad, but quickly bonded with a guy she met at the resort community and they were secretly together all summer.
Though I was a kid, I could tell she liked this guy but beyond the general idea that she should just be with my dad, I didn't really absorb the whole dynamic.
I actually witnessed them having sex one eve when I doubled back to our bungalow because I had a strong feeling she was with him. I had never seen anything like that before (TV was much more tame and that was all I would know), and it really seemed crazy to me at the time. At the same time, I found it compelling, so I watched for a bit before I got scared I'd get caught and took off.
I checked on her in the evenings when I could sneak away for a bit (usually there was evening activity like a movie or other activity) and I saw them making love five more times, though other times I found nothing, but circumstantial evidence made me think that they made love frequently that summer.
I loved my mom and my dad, but I also liked this guy. I knew what she was doing was a secret and therefore probably bad or embarrassing.
I also had anxiety over the next few years as I would more fully appreciate the details of what they were doing - sometimes I'd forget a detail and then something would click and I would realize another aspect of what was going on. I also don't entirely trust my memories of the incidents.
This has been a source of stress and anxiety for me on and off for many years. Recently, I've been having dreams about this again, after not having any for many years.
You need counseling. This issue is unresolved, and it is still affecting you.