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work crush while married

 
 
Reply Wed 16 Dec, 2015 05:22 am
I've been married for a couple years and my husband is truly my best friend. I have always had small crushes on random people from time to time but luckily it's typically just a customer or something so it fades when I don't see them for awhile. I got a new job in a warehouse and I was talking to this guy one day and since then I feel like a connection started. It was completely unintentional but now I definitely have a crush on him and I feel that its mutual. I often catch him looking at me and we talk every time we run into each other whereas he doesn't talk to the other ladies. The fact that Im married never made it into the conversation and I feel like I need to tell him cause its not fair for either him or my husband. I feel like its gone too far to just be like "oh, me and my husband are going to this thing" or whatever and have my crush be blindsided with new info. I kind of want to tell my crush that I feel an attraction to him or a connection but that I want him to know out of respect that I'm married but that I'm open to friendship (friend zone.... Ya I know). Is this a bad idea? How would you feel if your work crush did this to you? Also how would you start such a conversation?
 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Wed 16 Dec, 2015 07:16 am
@Singlora,
Ask him how he's spending the holidays. When he naturally asks what you're doing, tell him you and your husband are spending them together.

Boom! Done.

It's a LOT more unfair to be coy and dance around the fact that you're married, than to just out and out tell him.

If your husband was truly your 'best friend', you wouldn't have this question.
Ragman
 
  2  
Reply Wed 16 Dec, 2015 07:24 am
@Singlora,
Tell him the truth. That it's been flirting but will not lead to more and you'd like to keep it as friends only. There's no need to talk to him about your attraction to him. It serves no constructive purpose because you're not interested in office romance as your not available.

Keep a lid on the day-dreaming and crushes. Work on whatever it is that's lacking in your relationship with your hubby. If it's your sex life with hubby, work on spicing it up or talking about that with hubby. At work and outside of the home, recognize the difference between fantasy and reality. Also realize the damage it can do if you act on fantasy both at home and to someone else you might involve.
0 Replies
 
Singlora
 
  1  
Reply Wed 16 Dec, 2015 07:37 am
@jespah,
Thanks Jespah but don't make assumptions about me. My husband is my best friend. If I have a problem with having crushes on people it probably stems from past self confidence issues as I've always been this way, I am however a faithful person who takes vows seriously which is why I'm trying to nip this in the bud.
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Wed 16 Dec, 2015 07:47 am
@Singlora,
"If I have a problem with having crushes on people it probably stems from past self confidence issues as I've always been this way, . . ."

What? That you need and crave attention from men?

A truly "self confident" woman would put this in its place - in and then out of the mind. Then, that "self-confident" woman would feel assured that there's so much better stuff at home that she wouldn't need to spend time and energy "mind screwing" another man.

Work on your self confidence and self esteem so you are not so distracted by another man who shows attention. .

PLUS - this ALL could be in your head and your have misread his friendship.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Wed 16 Dec, 2015 07:49 am
@Singlora,
Then don't tell this guy you have a crush on him. Don't waste your time worrying about his feelings in this matter.

They are not important in comparison to your husband's.

Tell this other guy you are married and make it crystal clear. Don't dance around the subject. Just tell him.

BTW, have you told your husband you've got a work crush?
0 Replies
 
TJ7705
 
  -1  
Reply Sun 24 Apr, 2016 08:23 am
Maybe your husband might be turned on by this? maybe not.
If your crush suggest that you meet and get naked, would you? hmmmm
0 Replies
 
Leadfoot
 
  1  
Reply Sun 24 Apr, 2016 09:37 am
@Singlora,
Quote:
I have a problem with having crushes on people it probably stems from past self confidence issues as I've always been this way, I am however a faithful person
It is generally accepted that feelings of love for others is a sign that you don't love your husband or other defect but I'd suggest you consider that it is a normal human response. This does require that you re-examine much of what society has taught you but it's worth it. It doesn't mean you have to have sex with your 'crush' though.

If what you mean by 'crush' is that he just makes you horny, that's a different situation.

PS: I guess you don't wear a ring?
0 Replies
 
 

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