Mon 30 Nov, 2015 03:15 pm
I feel like I am lost. I met this guy in college but had a boyfriend at the time so nothing came of it but a distant friendship. after my bf of nearly 3 years and I broke up, me and this guy started talking out of the blue and really hit it off. he's brilliant (something I find incredibly attractive) treats me as an intellect (which was new to me at the time) absolutely gorgeous, funny, nerdy, and I consider him to be perfect for me. we were basically friends with benefits for about a year (when we started talking, neither of us were looking for a relationship so we didn't have expectations for our friendship to be more than that) and the sex was amazing. at the end of it all, i realized i wanted a relationship and respected his decision to not be in one so i just kind of gave up on what we had and tried to move on.
shortly after all this, i met a guy online and we hit it off pretty well and we've been in a relationship for almost 9 months (i know, not that long). he's the first person to really treat me well (I've had some bad relationships) and now things are getting hard. i feel uncomfortable at times and we have talked about how i feel like i can't be alone in a room, or anywhere for that matter, because i'm afraid that it'll lead to sex and i just feel really uncomfortable about having sex with him or even touching me at times. he has not hurt me in any way but these are my feelings. i kind of almost feel obligated to keep trying to work things out but it's hard, i don't just want to give into having sex with him when i'm uncomfortable and i don't want to break up because, like i said. he's the only person that has really treated me with respect and i have finally been able to feel loved by someone else for once.
i have always thought about the first guy from college, about the 'relationship' that we had had and can't help but miss it. we had a good connection, we were comfortable with one another. i had brought this up to him (he knows im in a relationship so nothing has happened between us and he respects the fact that i am with someone) and told him about how i miss what we had and he has said the same. so i'm not sure what to do at this point. the few i have talked to about this have told me that i have already made up my mind, but i'm still at a loss and am looking for a little more advice and insight. someone help!
so there's one guy you like as a friend that you don't want to have sex with
and there's another guy you've had sex with who isn't into a relationship with you
seems like neither of them is right for you at this time
why not start fresh? get both of them out of your life and look for a guy in real life who's interested in a relationship with you - and who you'd be interested in having sex with
Personally I believe that it's quite natural to have feelings for different people at the same time as often one mate can’t give you everything you need. It's like some sort of a puzzle, you know. Every individual possesses his own set of characteristics and as long as you feel that you need two or more people to complement your reality there's nothing to be ashamed of. At least that's how I see it.
The problem is that such viewpoint can differ greatly from the established cultural norms. We are taught through various media and means that people can only love one person at a time. In reality though people do fall in love while in a strong bond with another person. Such situations are real. You can easily find it in literature, cinema etc. Multi-committed relationships existed in ancient cultures and still exist today though without recognition in mainstream culture. It's just that most people end up burying their feelings as they are afraid of hurting their loved ones.
And to those who suppose it to be lust, not love: it MAY be true love with the care, kindness and constant worry for the well-being of the other person.
Just live your life the way you want and not let other people's opinions faze you.