Sun 29 Nov, 2015 09:24 pm
Hey guys I need your help,
I have been involved in a very complicated relationship. I need your help on whether to stay or pull-out from it. I have been seeing this girl who I have been dating for over a year. We are both in our 40s. We have become intimately involved with sex on a regular basis. Going back over 7 month ago, we broke-up.
The nature of our break-up was related to an issue that I had with my job. As a teacher, I was not getting along with my Principal. There were clashes of personalities and I felt that it was in my best interest to leave for another school. Although my issue (in my job) was resolved amazingly, she used that opportunity to pass judgement on me and claiming that I had plenty of emotional baggage of which I do not. On her part, she did not understand the circumstances that are involved with my job and that there is a due-process (with my union) in place that resolves these problematic issues. She wanted me to raise the roof and create all sorts of hell of which I didn’t want to.
Nevertheless after this incident was resolved, she began cancelling dates, avoiding for us to-get-together and have romantic moments with one another etc. It seems that she was setting up a situation of which she wanted me to pull the trigger first and end the relationship of which I did. Therefore, she comes out looking clean and that I am the cruel bastard who broke up with her when in fact it was her who destroyed this relationship through these head games.
I accepted my faith and moved on. During that time, I remained single and I choice not to date anyone. Seven month later into our break-up, I received a series of unexpected e-mails from her (of which I ignored at the start) telling me that she missed me and wanted to get together with me for a coffee. It seems that she wanted to reconcile her differences and get back together with me. We began dating again, but what I discover about her kept me bewildered. During the seven months since our breakup, I did not date a string of women, unlike her – she admitted to me in detail how she saw nine different men, yet never found “what she was looking for”. It clearly tells me that she is truly unstable. She even arrogantly has boasted the following to me: “……I am a Go Getter….I will continue dating other men until I find the right match…”
BTW: Prior to meeting her and dating her, she told me that she dated this lawyer guy who broke her heart and never forgave him of what he did to her.
Just recently, we had plans to have a romantic moment for New Years, but it was cancelled. She told me that she did not want have sex with me until she is certain that I am the right guy for her and whether she has a future with me. She began talking about whether we will be living together and whether my income will be competitive as hers. She constantly brings up on how her brother’s marriage ended up in divorce and how her parents had a difficult marriage with one another. She began laying all these conditions even-though she wants to reconcile her differences with me. Instead of spending New Years with me, she spends it with her girlfriend.
Another reason for cancelling our date for New Years is that she wanted to give me hell on why I have been lying to her about my economic status. She began questioning me about a conversion I had with one of her friends (going back a year ago) whereby I said something that was taken out of context. She immediately began questioning me and interrogating me on whether anything I said to her (during our relationship) was credible.
I cannot believe that my life is now under the microscope and scrutinize all of sudden. Although I defended myself rightfully-so from her allegation, there still is an air mistrust that she has for me. She once again began mentioning on whether I am the right guy for her and whether she has a future with me. Furthermore, she constantly is accusing me that I am a spit image of her brother who she sees as a screw up who wrecked his marriage. By the way, I have never met her brother and how should I know whether I am a spit image of him.
I strongly feel that she has been seeing other guys behind my back and doesn't have the guts to tell me.
Your advice would be most appreciated: Should I stay or should I go…
If it were me I'd have broken up with yesterday. What on earth are you waiting for?
From what you've written here, she seems very manipulative and unstable emotionally. She seems to be looking for someone who will give her financial security but she is very high maintenance and abusive, too.
However, it was that you settled your work situation with your union and Principal is your business and not for her to judge. Don't expose yourself to someone that critical. Why subject yourself to that?
Why wait? Just send her packing.