Long Distance Relationship vs work

Reply Sun 29 Nov, 2015 12:30 pm
I'm in a (new-ish) long distance relationship and we are completely head over heels in love with each other. We want a life together. We met when I was in Graduate school in San Diego, and when I graduated I was offered a job across the country, one that anyone in my career path would have to say yes to, so I did. I moved here in Sept for this job which is at least guaranteed 3-5 years.

My career is centered in NYC (Broadway Theatre) and when I got a job offer there I had to take it and move. I really enjoy who I am working for but I'm not loving the actual work and the lifestyle here. I've moved around a lot throughout my life and have always had a hard time feeling like I was "home" anywhere. The most home I've ever felt is with my current boyfriend, I know its cheesy, but I look into his eyes and I feel it, and I know he feels it too in the many times we've talked about being together. I know I want a life with him, and he knows he wants one with me. So we decided to stay together. We skype and talk daily, and visit eachother when we can - recently I had a side project that flew me out to seattle so he met me there and we spend a week and a half together. An amazing week and a half.

I try not to be depressed but its hard when I think about how happy I am with him and how not satisfied I am with this job. Honestly I also don't think I'm super great at it. The money isn't terrible but its not great, I've had to pick up a second job on the weekends at a coffee shop. I've been making it work, my apartment is actually super nice and affordable and I'm living with one of my best friends.

Theres a part of me that wants to quit after this year (my lease is up sept '16), move back to san diego, and start my life with him. And figure out the job stuff over there, which is not impossible -- wherever I've gone I manage to find work quickly, but the caliber of work here in NYC for my field is higher than any in the country.
Then theres also a part of my that feels like I *should* put my career over my love life.. but its hard because I don't actually feel that way, I just feel like I should feel that way. My heart wants to go back to San Diego.

He has a 6-fig. job that he cannot leave, and frankly shouldn't leave. He's a very smart man, and responsible, especially with his money, saving up for a future and a life that he wants. Its amazing that he can afford to fly me out or fly himself out for visits now and then. Right now our next visit is planned for Feb.

I'm so happy knowing that I have him even though we're apart physically. I know hes exactly what I want - no hes not perfect, no one is, but he is perfect for me, the right choice in every way. Its an involuntary feeling of love, one that I've felt since the day we met about a year and a half ago. I've been so sure about him - I've been struggling personally with trusting myself and my true emotions, so I constantly question. When I think about him and being with him, I can say with the utmost confidence that I am in love and so genuinely happy, a feeling that I've seldom felt.

So I thought I'd put this story out there. Sorry its written in a scrambled manner. Last time I was emotionally confused I came on this site - I got a lot of hate from people about my situation with my now ex-husband, but I also got a lot of advice. Hoping that if you've made it this far then you will respond.
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Type: Question • Score: 0 • Views: 1,373 • Replies: 5

Reply Mon 30 Nov, 2015 11:13 pm
really? Over 50 views and no reply? damn...
Reply Tue 1 Dec, 2015 02:46 pm
@sally27 ,
Shhh calm down.

You have to view where you are putting your priorities. You are putting them into a long distant relationship and seeing that relationship as ever lasting, yet we, you, don't have a crystal ball. Relationships end, you know that, you've been through it, or they survive even the toughest of times and if they survive even the toughest of times, then surely that relationship is worth it.

Why not just start saving some of that cash weekly, store it, hang about for 12 months and see if this guy truly is the real deal before you let go of an excellent job that you won't get back down his way and end up in 3 coffee shops working.

Time will prove if he's the one.

You're in that lala stage with this guy, you just want to crawl into a home and stay there and be with him and take any job. Risky.
Reply Tue 1 Mar, 2016 10:42 pm
I'm putting my priorities on my happiness, and regardless of him, living in the city just isn't cutting it. My job is not making me happy. Job needs to change, city needs to change. I loved living in Cali where he is, there are jobs in my field there, but most importantly, I'll be happy there.

And saving cash weekly? HA. Only now have I started to be able to save.

The plan is to make a graceful exit with my job, starting by reducing to part time so i can explore other jobs in the city and make the best of this place while I still live here.

Life isn't worth living if you're not happy. Truely happy. And that doesn't mean that everything is perfect. For the past 5 years I followed my brain more than my heart. While you need both, my heart is pulling me now, and after much consulting with my brain, its time to listen.
Reply Wed 2 Mar, 2016 02:32 pm
@sally27 ,
I think you're still following your heart not your brain Smile

I not sure what advise you are after because you've made your mind up.
Reply Wed 2 Mar, 2016 09:44 pm
I think choosing to follow the path that will lead to long term happiness is the smartest thing one can ever do.

After some months, I posted on here for an update, not necessarily seeking advise. I've been talking to close friends and family and the more I vocalize the better.
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