I regret telling my husband that I kissed another guy. What do I do now?

talk to people who understand the impact on couples and families of the military


http://www.militaryonesource.mil/family-and-relationships/marriage

http://www.realwarriors.net/family/care/maritalcounseling.php

http://www.military.com/spouse/relationships/military-marriage/strengthen-your-family-with-marital-counseling.html

have you tried telling him you're totally cool with him kissing another guy?

Hey aselita

Trust is very important in a relationship and you telling him that incident is very brave. I wouldn't recommend that you two take a bit of a break. You're husband and wife and you should be able to talk problems with each other and being separated won't help. The bad thing about situation is your husband could look into what you did as revenge and cheating and if you gave him the chance he may also do that to get back at you. So just apologize and talk. Communication is key in every relationship.

What if I buy him a lap dance? Would that make things even? Ugh I hate the way that sounds because this isn't a game or anything but I know that's how he is. Right now, beating up the other guy would be to get even. I want to prevent that if I could because I don't want him to get in trouble. Anyway, do you think it would make him feel better? He's torturing me right now by not taking to me at all. He says he still loves me but he won't say "I love you" and I hate it. Seriously I should have never told him anything 😭

Talk to a military counsellor.

Encourage your husband to do the same.

You both need help with communication.

I've suggested going to marriage counseling and he said no because he doesn't want anyone knowing about our problems. I'm thinking about going by myself though. I just hate that he's not open to working through this right now. His current coping behavior consists of playing video games for hours at a time and avoiding eye contact with me. When we do have a somewhat normal conversation, he'll make it a point to remind me that he's still upset at me and that of course puts me back in my place. I just hate that after all those times that I caught him with pictures of his female friends or talking to a girl that he said he was no longer talking to, I would get upset but I would get over it quick and try to just work on moving on. But then I do this one mistake that was just a kiss which was done out of spite and not because I wanted something more from the other guy, and my husband is acting like he found out about it all on his own. I understand he feels betrayed. I know exactly how he feels
actually. The only difference is that I found out about those incidences; he wasn't honest with me about any of it. So here I am trying to be honest with him and I'm the one who is just completely wrong. I take responsibility for what I did but I just think he's being hypocritical in how he's reacting. He says that there's a difference between what he has done and what I did. He says that there was physical contact between me and someone else which is horrible so what he didn't isn't even bad because there wasn't any physical contact. So I'm seriously thinking about just buying him a stupid lap dance so he can get physical contact from someone else. I won't be happy about it but I'll do anything right now just to make things right between us. I also thought about leaving him for a bit but I don't know if that would solve anything. I don't know what to do. Just suck it up? I'm not the type of person to just suck it up and go with the flow. I like to work for change and do whatever I can to better the situation. It's only been 3 days since I told him but I feel that after a day or two, he should at least be willing to talk to me about what we can do to fix things. What would you do? It was just a kiss that was done out of anger so there was not any sexual attraction or anything between me and the other guy. I just don't know what to do. I just set up an appointment with a marriage counselor but whether or not he'll agree to go with me is another question to be answered.

I keep apologizing and I've told him over and over again that I'll do anything to make him feel better. I've offered to give up my phone and all of my privacy and, if I were to go back to live with family, that he can keep track of me by asking them what I've been doing. It's day 3 and he hasn't really spoken to me about what he wants to do to work on us. I ask him if he wants me to leave and he says it's my decision, so that's not a yes or a no. And I offered to give him some time to maybe find a girl that he wants to kiss. It's just frustrating because as of right now, it doesn't seem like he wants to do anything to work on us. I've set up an appt. with a marriage counselor without him knowing but I don't know if he'll come with me. If he doesn't then I'm seriously considering buying him a strip dance. I'm not comfortable with someone else rubbing themselves on my husband but maybe it'll make him feel better? I just wish that I had never told him.

Aselita1 wrote: " I regret telling my husband that I kissed another guy. What do I do now?"

Answer #1: Keeeel heeem!

Answer #2: Watch Mexican soap-operas. They are the best possible source of domestic relationship guidance, and they are always right! Complicated schemes for revenge are excellent, especially if they involve dwarves, men in bee costumes, dwarves in bee costumes, or hired assassins (especially those disguised with bee costumes!)

Answer #3: Bargain from a position of strength. As long as your husband knows that YOU feel guilty because of an impulsive response to HIS crimes, he has the power in your relationship. He is obviously a loser to be looking at still pictures on his tiny cellphone screen when he has a real live girl to have sex with. Text his girlfriends with hilarious stories about his tiny, flaccid penis. Start a Facebook page devoted to his sexual inadequacy. Laugh at his naked body. Insist that he perform demeaning sexual acts (preferably including his wearing of a bee costume!), and if he refuses, throw loud fits that involve tossing bowls of spaghetti against apartment walls shared with neighbors. Shriek about his infidelities (real or imagined) at the top of your lungs. (Make sure you are wearing only panties and high heels while doing this; and when the police arrive -- as they eventually must -- act irritated and ask them what they want, as if they were gratuitously intruding into your private life.) Keep a blog called "My Unfaithful Loser Husband" and read him each day's new entries over dinner. Drink to excess, insist that he do the same, and when he refuses, tear off your clothes, stamp your feet, and shout "Ay yi yi yi yi!" and pull his hair. When he is trying to watch television (especially sports programs), vacuum in high heels and panties. When he complains, tell him that as a husband, and a man, he sucks worse than the vacuum -- and keep vacuuming!

You'll soon have him eating out of your hand. His behavior is both a deliberate provocation and a cry for help. His boring marriage is stifling him and making him feel like an old man. He needs a hot tomale to drive him out of his mind!

"is isn't a game or anything"

Oh, but Dear, it IS. You two have made it so.

He does something, you do something in retaliation, you tell him to find out just how much he cares, he holds it over your head in order to get permission to act out again, - and around and around you go.

Get counseling. Even if it's only for yourself. Of course, he doesn't want to go. He will be confronted about his behavior, past and present.

Aselita1 wrote: "I'm seriously considering buying him a strip dance."

Are you kidding? Is your husband attracted to doormats? Stop apologizing. If he smokes, slap the cigarette out of his mouth, shove a bare breast into his face, and tell him, "Smoke THIS tiparillo, hombre!" If he doesn't smoke, trick him into smoking, then do this.

While your reaction is considered normal, to me it says that your relationship had some serious problems long before 'the kiss'. Not because he was talking to a girl (what does that really mean?) but because you though telling him to stop was a solution or appropriate.