I don't know what's wrong with me.

While your insurance may not cover therapy, it surely covers regular old doctor's visits.

So go and get a checkup. Rule out physical causes. Ask for a referral to a therapist who won't break your budget or try talking to a member of the clergy as many are trained in counseling.

Hey

I'm so sorry you have to endure this kind of situation. Intrusive thoughts is a symptom of an underlying mental health issue. You should immediately consult a clinician and get diagnosis. You must understand your condition first before you can actually treat it.

From what you have mentioned your case looks like depression but this is only a speculation and you'll need to be professionally evaluated to be certain. In the meantime focus first on the things you can do to improve your mental health. You should start with some self-help methods.

Here are some things you can do to help alleviate the intrusive thoughts you experience. First is to do some meditation, mindfulness or positive thinking, and watch or read inspirational stuff. This will help you focus more on the good things.

Second is for the irritation and anxiety. Try herbal teas and relaxation exercises to calm your nerves. Also consider taking up Endoca hemp products. It has anxiolytic and antidepressant properties that can help with the anxiety. It also has a calming effect so it can promote sleep.

Last is once you get diagnosed your doctor will prescribe a medication so make sure that you commit yourself in taking the meds but don't rely on it alone. Do therapy as well.

What jespah said. There are people out there who can and will help, even for little or no money. Just be creative about where you look. Are you a student?

Yes. I am only 13 years old, and I am in my last year of middle school.

OK. Does your school have a counselor? Or if not, is there any particular teacher that you would feel comfortable talking to? Outside of school, maybe you can talk to a pastor. They often know where to direct people for help.

There are no counselors that I know of at my school, and I am too afraid to talk to my teachers about it. My mother always says that talking about my problems to anyone other than her "makes her look like a bad and/or abusive parent". I have tried going to churches for guidance (even though I'm agnostic), but they all tell me the same thing. They all say that I should "find god" and "pray the negative feelings away". I've consulted my mother about how I may need to visit a doctor about my issues, but she says that she just doesn't know where to turn, and how our insurance won't cover things like this. I've tried to talk to my dad about my depression and anxiety, but he always gets angry at me and tries to avoid talking about it. He constantly pushes me into uncomfortable situations that I can't deal with (even simple things like asking for help at a store or ordering a pizza) because he thinks that my problems aren't real, and that they'll go away if he "helps me" this way. No one in my house believes that I have a real problem. I just feel like no matter what I do, nothing is going to work.

It sounds like you have a lot going on. I hope you are able to get someone to talk to outside of your family. Having someone like this helps a lot.

In the US, most schools have counselors. You should ask someone at your school that you trust. A teacher will be able to help you. So will the principal.