Wife feels emtionally disconnected from me. Does not see me in her future.

You two need counseling. Yesterday.

Not just to see if you can save your marriage. It's possible that you won't be able to, and it is further possible that that would not be the best thing for you to do. But that's not my call; it's yours.

Why do I say that you might be better off apart? Because you are currently going through the motions, and it's awful. Can you change? Maybe. But you have had several allowances and chances and you have not. Hearing that this time, you really, really mean it, well, if I were her, I'd be kinda skeptical, too.

Furthermore, staying together is a very bad idea if you are not really in a marriage. It is not good for your children. No. Divorce is better. Why? Because by staying together, you are teaching them that love does not matter, and that all that matters is putting up a facade and lying to your kids.

Pretending to be happy is not better than being happy.

Should you try? Yes. I think parents in particular should. I do not discount the fact that divorce is a difficult thing. But the whole business of staying together for the sake of the kids is inertia at its finest. It is a means of justifying doing nothing. It feels safe, but what it really is, is a way to head off better opportunities at the pass.

If you met a woman you were better suited to tomorrow, you would be holding back and unable to be with her. Same goes for your wife.

Either go all in, or end it.

But try to fix it first, and that means going to a professional. Make a pact that you will try for a specific period of time (say, a year from when you start counseling), and then revisit. If counseling isn't helping, if you are just going through the motions, if you are miserable, then for God's sake, set each other free and give each other the opportunity to be happy as a final act of love for someone who at one time was very dear to you. For someone who, because you are parents together, will never truly be out of your life.

That is a better gift for them, and it is a far better example for your kids.

Thank you for your insight.

My wife does not want counseling as she sees no hope.

But what really confuses me is that she is fine staying with me. She still jokes and smiles and willingly participates in our daily family events. I can almost feel that she actually really enjoys doing all that and not faking it. She just has no feelings for me.

We are also in a financial bind right now. For all the years we are married, I was the one who worked while she stayed at home to watch our boys. She is offering to find a job to help repay our loans and mortgage.

I am really confused. How could she be willing to do so much with this family and include me in it, but at the same time still has no feelings toward me.

At one point, I felt so bad driving her into such emotional turmoil that I told her I would be fine if we go our separate ways so that she can find someone who she can fall in love with again. But she told me that she doubt she could find anyone she could fall in love with anytime soon and does not want to attempt something like that right now.

She is very concern about our boys and has heavy doubt that she cohld find anyone who could replace me as their father. She said she has no doubt that she can find someone who can love her, but she seriously doubt that the same person can love our boys the same way as me.