40 years back, my parents acted the same - until I was 16. This changed changed then for my three years younger sister at the same moment. (My sister always got the same rights as I got - actually three years before I got them!
)
My parents were very, very conservative; this didn't mean that they didn't respect our privacy.
(All parents I know, knock at the door of the children's rooms.)
Well, it sounds great in theory but in reality, it's a little more complex. Just because a parent accepts their child being gay does not mean that they like it and it does not mean that they want a parade of gay boys and/or young lesbians in and out of their home anymore than they'd want a gang of drug addicts in and out of their home. It's a reminder, you see, that their child is gay and most parents don't want to be reminded of that because most parents (Cher for example) always wonder if it was something that they did, a mistake that they made, that 'turned' their child gay.
Well, not all the parents i know like it very much that girl-/boy-friends parade in their house, stay over night - and of course, they don't want gangs of drug addicts in there as well.
When I was living at home, my parents met about eight different guys I'd dated by the time I moved out at 22. I just don't know too many parents who would be comfortable with their son, in the course of a few years, bringing home 8 different boys or their daughter bringing home 8 different girls when they're accepting but unhappy about their gay childs' preferences, as most parents are.
All depends on the parents then, I guess. If the parents consider being gay something akin to being in a gang of drug addicts, I'd suppose it's better to tread very, very carefully. If they can be expected to be more or less OK with it, one can hope coming out will (eventually) lead to acceptance of oneself and one's friends much like they would be accepted if you were straight.
We can discuss which is the more "normal" reaction (most parents here, unsurprisingly, are usually pretty OK with it), but the only thing thats relevant here is what the kid's parents are like.
For back-up purposes, it would be good to find out if there's another place he could go to, should things go wrong ... if he could move out, somehow. If you're gay but your parents consider your boyfriend the equivalent of a drug addict and will treat you and him accordingly, it might become untenable to stay living at home. Even for 16-year-olds, ways out do exist, and if such serious problems can be expected, it might be better to look into one's options, just for information, before anything really happens and one needs to act quickly ...
Nimh said:
"We can discuss which is the more "normal" reaction (most parents here, unsurprisingly, are usually pretty OK with it), but the only thing thats relevant here is what the kid's parents are like."
Indeedy doody - however, experience tells many of us that folk coming out need to be well prepared - practically and emotionally - for the worst. I have often experienced Asian families to be conservative in this respect - not that this predicts a PARTICULAR family - but nonetheless is worth knowing.
I wonder if Netherlands parents are generally more tolerant? Who knows.....
I kept ALL boyfriends away from my father, as a by the by - annoying, but adviseable, given the hassles likely to be aused by their appearance and political philosophies.....lol....
dlowan wrote:I wonder if Netherlands parents are generally more tolerant? Who knows.....
Well, of course ... we introduced gay marriage here a year or two ago, and it didnt cause a ripple ... nothing. The Christian-Democratic party was formally against but didnt put up any of a fight - only in specific "black-stocking" Protestant villages, perhaps 3-4% of the country, has there been any active protest.
But that was kindof my point - its irrelevant, isnt it? The kid's parents wont change their mind because of, you know, what the standard of reaction is in some other country or even town - only their own expected reaction is relevant. Estimate how much "massaging" beforehand is necessary ... I was impressed by Foxfyre's story, and Sofia posted a useful-looking link. But reading up on back-up options, should coming out make life at home untenable, is always wise I think ... and I'm sure there are (web?) groups of other teens in the same position that can help with tips, support and information?
