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I can't tell if this girl I like is gay or not ((or if I am) I'm a girl, almost 17).

 
 
Reply Tue 3 Nov, 2015 10:53 pm
I am a girl and I'm almost 17. And I have a friend that I cant tell if She likes me as more than a friend.- I have had my best friend for almost 10 years (he's a guy) and we have always been really close. For a while now I have thought that we may be more than friends (standing close to each other in public and sitting really close while watching movies at home and taking naps together). And he was always on my mind until I met a girl in middle school and we became friends. And now I'm in high school and me and my best friend started growing apart (he has some problems) but oddly enough I don't care as much as I thought I would. Now me and this girl are really good friends now, in the past year we have been really close, and now it's at the point that we hold hands in public (I'm more of a tomboy and I know that girls sometimes do that). She teases me sometimes that we are married and she calls herself my Wife and calls me "Bae" and "my love" (which makes me kinda happy), When I make her laugh really hard she puts her head on my shoulder while laughing. She makes me really happy, weather she is just smiling or laughing or making a joke, she doesn't like awkward situations or talking to strangers, she doesn't care what others think, when she is sad then I get sad too, once she stated tearing up at lunch because she thought I was mad at her and I just about jumped off a cliff because I felt so bad (I wasn't mad, just a miscommunication). We have been hanging out a lot lately on the weekends (always with another friend too) and a few times she said she doesn't care what the group does as long as it's with me. We hold hands a lot and lock arms, but never anything more than that or a hug (she says it's just cause she likes holding my hand) she jokes about holding me or piggyback rides. She is really special to me and I can't figure out if I really like her as more than a friend or if it's just cause I never had anything like that (having a guy BFF and all, we didn't do things like that). I don't know if she is even likes girls, and I know she has had a bf before but she didn't really connect with him, and I know guys have crushes on her and sometimes text her (I can be a little jealous I guess). And she sometimes talks about the types of guys she likes not to me but around me. And I know she likes a guy right now and she says "I don't know why but I do" but she says she can't date him because that is her ex's friend and be believes in the bro code and he wint be at school next year and I think he likes her too. It makes me sick just thinking about it, the fact that she could love someone else. I don't know what I would do if u lost her, she is the closest friend I have now. I wish we could be more but I don't know if it's possible or if she likes girls (I know she is fine with gay people) or if she would give him up for me. We both want to protect each other do small but meaningful things. Maybe I'm just reading too far into this and hoping for what I can't have. I really want to know what to do.
 
jespah
 
  4  
Reply Wed 4 Nov, 2015 05:39 am
@Unknown17,
We see this all the time, that gay teens have crushes on their closest same-sex friends. They confuse this with sexual/dating affection. And sometimes it is. But a lot of times, it's not. But this is who you have got in front of you right now, who accepts you for who you are (I assume you are uncloseted, at least with her).

Next year, you will probably leave your town, either for work on an education or both, and you will meet more lesbians. The choices will become a lot broader, and you will have other opportunities for romance.

If she likes this guy, and he likes her, then they are probably going to date, or they will at least dance around it. You have to deal with that. She is an individual and is going to do what she wants in that area (BTW, I think there is an expiration date on the stupid bro code. Otherwise, no one would ever date anyone).

Does she like you romantically? You can always ask, but be prepared for the very real possibility that the friendship will end over that.

But I will tell you that what we also see is people like you who are essentially, and often unknowingly, being led on by people like her. She doesn't necessarily mean to confuse you or push your attraction buttons, but she is doing so by behaving as she would with a het female friend. And that ends up being unfair to you.

Maybe keep that in mind a bit as you consider how to react to the possibility of her dating someone other than you.
Unknown17
 
  1  
Reply Sat 7 Nov, 2015 01:03 pm
@jespah,
Thank you for responding, it definitely helps. This is one the best straight forward answers that I have gotten and that is how I need to hear it. (I don't mean to overwhelm you with all this information, I don't have anyone that I'm close to to talk about it cause the only person I could talk to is the person it's about.
And she doesn't know that I'm kind of confused as to what gender I like (or atleast I haven't told her or anyone else) and I may have even mildly denied it in fear that she would be scared or get awkward. I think she thinks that there is a possibility that I could be, like she hasn't ruled it out in her head. She has mentioned that she thinks that I don't like anyone like crushes on any person at all (girls or guys). And it makes me think that maybe she just thinks that I'm a safe person for her to put her feelings on or something like that. Which I think I might like a guy but not enough for me to say something because I'm afraid I'll mess up a relationship. Next year we will both be seniors (I'm just 4 days older than her) and that guy will be graduated. And I kind of hope that once he is gone from school then maybe she will forget about him if they don't date till the end of the school year (we still have a full semester left). I don't know if I might be bi or straight or maybe not like anyone in a romantic way because I have no way of knowing exactly what that is like. I am so confused on what I like, and I know that adults say that you will understand your self more when I get older but it sucks right now not knowing.
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Sun 8 Nov, 2015 08:14 am
@Unknown17,
Even if he's gone, she won't necessarily not be interested in something else. That happens when you're a teenager. You get fixated, but you can jump in your feelings onto someone else. Crushes are pretty damned common.

Instead of confessing feelings for her, how about coming out to her? If you cannot come out to her, then you can't really have a romantic relationship with her.

Will the friendship end? It's not outside the realm of possibility. Or you could at least get some practice in coming out (not a bad thing to become skilled at).

It'll get better. That's true for everyone in their teen years, regardless of sexuality. The teen years pretty much suck for all of us.
Unknown17
 
  1  
Reply Fri 20 Nov, 2015 03:25 pm
@jespah,
Is there anyway that I can stop having feelings for her? Because I'm just going to accept the fact that she probably won't return my feelings in the way I want. I need to stop liking her in that way because I just keep on doing stupid things and then I feel like it gets awkward. And for the most part, I know/think that she doesn't like me but sometimes, some of the things she says makes me wonder again if she likes me. And she is the only girl that I have had a crush on, and I feel like I need to know if she likes me or girls so I don't have to come out at all because I won't have a crush on any other girl. It's like her or no girl and possibly just a guy.
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Fri 20 Nov, 2015 06:54 pm
@Unknown17,
You will probably have crushes on tons of other girls in your life.

Right now, this girl is here, and she is in front of you.

Things will change as you become better able to expand your horizons, to grow and change and possibly settle elsewhere.

There are way more than 2 lesbians in the world.
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