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how do you get over an X dying

 
 
Reply Mon 2 Nov, 2015 12:01 pm
My X husband just died and I feel like my heart was ripped out of my body. I go back to queston myself in the past why I reacted in such a way. Cant sleep cant breath. Yet oddly I am remarried to a wonderful man who loves me and I him. Yet I feel like I am drowing in a sea of why didnt I talk to him more. Anyone else feel like this?
 
jespah
 
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Reply Mon 2 Nov, 2015 01:00 pm
@eloaines7,
I've had an ex boyfriend die (not the same, but it's what I've got).

It's certainly a weird feeling, that you survived, and he did not.

Sorrow, I'm sure, is utterly appropriate. But so are some regrets. It's not that you loved this guy more than you love your husband; it's more that we naturally as human beings tend to think of 'what if?'. And when there's a death, that 'what if' impulse strengthens.

Consider counseling if, say, a month goes by and you still feel wonky.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
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Reply Mon 2 Nov, 2015 01:06 pm
@eloaines7,
It's not just HIM that died. It is the past - the good and the bad. And therefore, it can be felt as a loss.

Did you have children with him?
ossobuco
 
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Reply Mon 2 Nov, 2015 05:55 pm
@PUNKEY,
I disagree somewhat, Punkey, but don't dismiss your take.

I have not had lovers die yet, that I know of, and I'm pretty old. The past is, of course, past, and has been, even before the op's ex's death. But good things can be remembered forever.
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ossobuco
 
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Reply Mon 2 Nov, 2015 06:21 pm
@eloaines7,
This will sound like quibbling, but your calling this person X is sort of a way to talk of a once loved person as a nobody. I know you don't mean that.
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