Thanks maxdancona! Thank you for taking the time to answer my post as well.
I agree, communication helps a lot although he doesn't really want to talk about things. I know he sees this as talking about his 'so called failures' and doesn't want to hear my positive approach that he wasn't afraid to start a business and that is an amazing thing, that most people don't have the guts to do this.
Our last deep conversation was him asking why I even loved him. And him proceeding to tell me that he's not good for me and that he can't even provide housing for me and that I should really find someone else who can take care of me. Then he went on saying that he made a decision with himself a long time ago that he would never marry (again, he has one prior marriage) and that he would be alone for he rest of his life. And that is what he wants. I then asked him if he could live with out me and he said 'he doesn't know'. Those words were like a punch to the gut....but I can only think that he's saying this out of emotions and fear?! I told him how much I was in love with him and how much I cared. He doesn't seem to get that I would be happy living in a cardboard box with him, my love him doesn't have any conditions.
I could babble on forever as I'm in this uber emotional state so again thank you for reading this incessant chatter. We were planning on marrying this month (now off, I assume as he can't provide). We were just going to go to the courthouse. Both of us are really laid back and I've honestly have never wanted a real wedding: for me it's just ridiculous to spend this type of money (I'd rather spend it traveling) and I hate to be the center of attention. Plus his family is not around so whats the point.