Yes, talk. Talk soon. It's worth it. And when things get hard or weird or scary talk some more. Talk yourself into a happy marriage or out of a bad one.
They need to know what's going on.
Thanks for the really good avice and wonderful support, everybody. I need to do some heavy thinking now....
fortune wrote: Talk yourself into a happy marriage or out of a bad one.
Very nicely phrased. I couldn't agree more.
marriage in trouble
jam,
Oh you write too? Wonderful. It's a lonely practice isn't it. You have to live inside your head for along time, and there isn't really anyone you can discuss it with. Anyhoo, it sounds to me like you have extremely valid reasons for being unhappy and I'm sure people break up all the time for the same things, however I agree with Nathor that you would be wise to explore your feeling and give him a chance to see 'the error of his ways' and maybe to tell you a few things about you that make him unhappy, before calling it quits. You owe it to yourself as much as to him, because if you got into another relationship you might just continue on a similar path and find yourself unhappy again. I think we all have a script that we follow and therefore any relationship we are in will end up the same. That's why I am not in a hurry to leave, because even though I might find initial joy in someone new, eventually they would bore me because I/we would forget to keep nurturing the relationship and it would fall apart. So why not stick with this one and repair it?
I'm not saying that's what you should do - but it's worth considering. I would like to hear your views on the subject.
On realising that I should take my own advice...I couldn't do it. Like you, I enjoy the peace and quiet and the thought of a tearful all-nighter makes me shudder. It's pathetic really, but I thought of an alternative. (Very resourceful, me).
I decided to try taking an interest in some of the things he does. A kind of 'do unto others....' etc). I realised that I don't ask him anything about his interests because he usually bangs on about them so much I don't want to give him more excuses to talk endlessly in tedious detail. 'Can I have the news in brief' I ask him sometimes. He hates that.
So, I asked him about his guitar playing and what he was working on now. He wasn't working on anything apparently, but I did like something he was playing so I told him so. I suggested he record it so he wont forget it and he can keep working on it, making improvements - like I have to with 'writing' - except I didn't mention that. He seemed pleased and when I went shoppping I bought batteries for the tape deck and a blank casette. Time will only tell if he will take an interest in me (or the tape deck), but it was worth a try if only in that he seemed to listen to my ideas about his interest as though they meant something, which was a nice change.
Hope you're having a nice day anyhow.
baby
Hey baby ;o)
My views on relationships ending up all the same is that I think it depends on how you started. When I met my husband, I wasn't sure if I loved him. I was young (19) and had no clue what it meant to be in love. I arranged for a two-year engagement (clue number three-hundred thousand...). My parents moved away and I moved in with my not-then husband. So I was living with him. We were so comfortable together there was never any reason to split up. We were sexually active and it was good, but not great by any stretch. He was (and still is) a sweetheart. I can always depend on him to be there for me and I know he would never cheat on me. But OK is not good enough in marriage. Friendship is not enough.
So I'm starting to think (with the help of this forum) that my situation is not the same as somebody who felt love when they got married and had no doubt it was love. I had plenty of doubt. But I just didn't know any better.
I'm going camping with Husband this weekend to talk to him. We'll see how it goes. I'm nervous but at the same time I feel as though a tremendous burden has lifted off me. I feel liberated.
It's great you've decided to take some action in your life. Congrats! If it's not too nosey, let us know how it goes.
