In A Real Mess!

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Just a little background, I'm male with 2 young children and have been in a long term relationship (over 10 years).

The start of the year I was kinda feeling low, had bad anxiety issues and associated symptoms, I met a lady online who is a little older then me, not via dating websites or the like, I've never been on such sites. We started talking just as friends and found we had lots in common and this went on just like that for over 1 month, just talking at random times and light fun conversations. Things started becoming more regular however and I was excited to talk to her all the time, she then told me she was going on a date with some guy and I wished her well for it but I was feeling jealous which is something I have never felt before in regards to people dating women I know. Her date went badly and shortly after she told me she was talking about me during her date and that she had feelings for me and loved me, I couldn't hide how I felt either and told her I loved her back.

Things have gone on since then, we have now been talking for 10 months because of the distance involved we have not actually met up as yet, but we had talked about it and she has booked us a hotel to spend a weekend together, I have not hidden this from the mother of my children who I still live with.

I am however in utter turmoil, I do not want to hurt anyone and didn't set out to hurt anyone, I believe this lady is my soul mate, we seem to have so much in common and are drawn together like magnets, if I don't talk to her for a day or even half a day I feel awful, if I think she is splitting up with me I break down and can't imagine life without her.

I am feeling badly hurt every day of my life right now, while I have not hidden this from the mother of my children, I feel as if I am in a double life and I am torn between the love I have for this lady (which is a love I have never felt) and the love for my children, I have broken down in tears many times over the fact that if I do meet up with this lady I will have effectively walked out on my young children, and that if I don't meet up with her I have hurt the lady I love and most likely lost her for good.

All this is meant to be going down in little over a month.

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[+3] - jespah - 10/27/2015This woman online does not really give a damn about your feelings if she would put you in such a position. Regardless of the feelings you may have, or the state of your current relationship, it...

@Broken-Man,

This woman online does not really give a damn about your feelings if she would put you in such a position.

Regardless of the feelings you may have, or the state of your current relationship, it is nasty and unfair to put you through this.

Maybe think about that before you go jumping to a hotel room. Oh, and BTW, you have not seen her at her worst. Like any online deal, she preps to go online, even if it's just to be together enough to turn on a computer and pull up a chat window. The mother of your children doesn't have that luxury with you. Maybe think about that a bit, too, as you inevitably compare the two of them in your head.

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@Broken-Man,

Perhaps most importantly, in relation to your anxiety - have you been to see a doctor / psychologist about this? Anxiety had impact every aspect of your life, including how you react to events in your relationships, how you view life, how personally you take things, etc. The more severe the anxiety, the more detrimental it is to your life - I hope you consider addressing it as a priority issue (moreso even than your ladylove - because it will impact that relationship, and all others)

Secondly, you have never met this woman, but seem to be hanging on each minute waiting to talk to her. This isn't healthy - we all need our sense of individuality to compliment our sense of togetherness.
- it is who we are / our individuality / the world that we create / our sense of self / our friends / our values / our character / our life etc, that they are attracted to. If you sacrifice all that to live in their world (ie living only for them) they slowly lose attraction to all those things they found attractive in the first place (because they are slowly disappearing)
-Without our individuality, we live in the other 'half's' world...and that becomes a drain on that other person.

That is to say - take time to look after who you are / what you are / the things you love in life (other than her), your passions, your interests & hobbies, friends, etc

Also:

I can't work out why meeting her = walking out on your kids

I can't work out why you are feeling badly hurt every day

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In A Real Mess!

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